Don’t know where to begin with children and ex husband

[WickedGirl]

We were married for 19 years and had 4 children in the time

Last year I started a divorce under “unreasonable behaviour”. We sold the house in November, I stayed in herts and he moved to Devon

Three of our children live with me, one with him

The divorce is final but there is nothing written down for the children. The youngest two are 14 and 4

I work as a nanny and they come to work with me every day (half way between my new house and our old house). In the summer holidays, Xh wants to have the children for as much as possible. I’ve asked for two weeks in August as the family I work for are going away. He is saying no as his birthday falls in that time. He says I can have 9 days out of the full 6 weeks (one weekend out of 7)

I think that this is unfair

He thinks that as I’m the resident parent, I get to spend time with our children all the time so it’s more than fair

My work hours are Monday - Thursday, 7.45 - 9 and 3-7, Friday’s are 7.45-9 and 12-7. This means that although our children are with me, it’s during work time rather than quality time

If they are with me I; the holidays, they can meet friends, do days out with me and Have fun with me

If they are in Devon (it’s literally in the middle of no where with only one neighbour), they will be put into summer school as he still needs to work

The 14 year old doesn’t particularly enjoy going there as he doesn’t have a great relationship with his dad and he finds it boring

My ex is also saying I’m not allowed to take the children on holiday as he doesn’t want me “taking them on an airplane in case something goes wrong”. Nothing as been written down legally to say I can or can’t but if I try, I think he can legally stop me?

How do I fix this situation?

I think your 14 year old is old enough to make his own mind up. If he doesn't want to go you can't make him. He couldn't be forced to go by any court order at that age either

It is very unlikely the courts would force 14 year old to spend time with his father against his will. Your younger child is another matter. You need to consult a solicitor who will be able to advise when they are in full possession of the facts.

As you were married, your ex has PR for your children. From what you say there is no court order saying they live with you so you cannot take them out of the country without his consent. If he refuses to consent you need to get a specific issue order. Most people who take their children abroad without consent don't run into problems but every year some are refused boarding at the airport or refused entry at their destination so it is safest to get this sorted. It is very unlikely that an order would be refused for a genuine holiday. His concern about problems with the aeroplane certainly wouldn't be seen as adequate justification for refusing consent.