Child Maintenence

[InConstantNeedOfAGin]

Just looking for any kind of input from anyone who has been in this situation.

Had a relationship last year, found out we were pregnant, partner lost his job when I was 10 weeks pregnant, decided to move away and I heard nothing from him since. Top guy, my heart bleeds that I lost him

Anyway, I have now started a child Maintenence claim, and he has requested a DNA test, not a problem, I'm more than happy to comply. Due to him not being on DDs birth certificate (have to be present to sign register, and up until last week, he didn't even know she was a girl. Again, top guy!) the DNA seems to be important for my claim.

My question/ask for advice is this .... has anyone gone through this process? And any idea on the kind of time frame?? And with me now requesting child Maintenence, can he now ask for access to the child he hasn't asked about in nearly a year, and had no idea she was a girl, was born etc etc? I'm happy to allow access, but with me present and never taking her on his own. This is all very new to me! Never thought I would find myself in this kind of situation.

How long it will take is not easy to predict. It can take anything from a few days to 3 months or more for the lab to provide the result. However, any maintenance will be backdated.

As the father he can ask for contact regardless of whether or not he is paying maintenance. The court is unlikely to support your desire to be always be present during contact. The idea is for your daughter to build a relationship with her father. That will be harder if you are always there. As your daughter gets older the amount of contact is likely to increase and will include some overnight stays, but she is too young for that at the moment.

@prh47bridge I'm all for her having contact, as I don't want her to grow up not knowing him, I don't think that would be beneficial. However, I only wanted me to be there while she is still young and because she has no idea who he is. He's never seen her or spent time with her before. He doesn't know her routine, how to calm her or what she needs. I'm happy for them to spend time getting to know each other, but just think it would be better, at least at the beginning, if I was there.

I was concerned about you saying "never taking her on his own".

If he wants contact your best approach is to try to reach an agreement with him. Provided he is reasonable that would be better than fighting it out in the courts.

Greys18 You’ve got some strange ideas. There is nothing in your post that is agreeable.

Well just to clear a few things up ....
When we fell pregnant, he was happy about the baby, we had a plan to bring the baby up and move forward. He changed dramatically about 6 weeks after that, then just left without a word. Did a complete 180 in terms of personality, and became someone I didn't recognise, because he had certainly never behaved in a way that made me think he would leave without a word before.
He is only not on the BC because he had to be present to sign it and given the circumstance, he wasn't there to sign. If things work out, he can then be placed on it, which I don't have a problem with.
I made the claim because I didn't make the child on my own, and because we had no contact and numbers were changed, it was the only way to go.
And in my post I never said I was going to stop him having access to his child, I'm more than happy for them to form a bond, I just feel like it would be best for my DDs interest that I'm there in the beginning until they get to know one an another and I feel safe and secure knowing he can properly care for her on his own.

if hes not working he will only have to pay £7 a week. i get £26 a month for 4 kids from my ex. and it took 3 months to sort out. (and that was with no dna doubts)

My post doesn’t have to be agreeable.

well no one was asking for your ridiculous opinion greys.

Greys18. Her ex knew she was pregnant and choose to ignore her. She has every right to put in a cms claim.

@Greys18 Perhaps you thought you were on AIBU. Maybe you should fuck off back there.

👏 brilliant @Collaborate

A woman's job is to provide her child with a good father???! Are we fucking psychic?!!

Piss off!!

Op, ignore that sort of crap.

It took a good 3 months from making a claim to actually getting a payment as my Ex asked for a DNA test too.
All money was back dated.

In regards to contact, he can't simply pick her up and take her out. He needs to build a bond first.

If he hasn't got a job, let him take you to court, he won't be able to afford it.

Greys did you miss the part that he was the one that fucked off

Your posts are quite difficult to read in that they don’t flow well and are a bit ranty; some really bitter utter shite.

Thanks for all the good responses! Well .... most of you

Funny thing is, after the dna request, DDs father got in touch to say he no longer wants a DNA to be done, he felt pressured into it, is happy to start making payments each month (still through the CMS) and would I be ok with him starting to visit on my terms. I'm more than happy with this outcome, though I wish it hadn't came to having to involve them.

Guess it is just a case of waiting to see if he sticks to his word!

If he doesn't work he will get court fees free and only pay £7 a month if he only has your child. Half that if two children and so on.

I don’t know which offends me most about your posts Grey, your shit attitude or shit SPAG.

Pmsl. Vodka on the cornflakes this morning?

what are you on about greys? you know you cant put someone on a bc if they dont show up right?

@Butterflykissess THANKYOU!! Christ, I thought I was the only one who knew this, considering I'm being slammed by some crackpot because he isn't on it, which was his own damn choice not mine!

Yeah but you should let them no?... no one is unreachable now a days! And I did previously say you can’t make them be a dad if they don’t want too! But whatever lol

Vodka comment... you think your a comedian! Hahahahaha I wouldn’t even be replying still if it didn’t come up in my email lol!

Fuck's sake! Know! You're!

Well greys, clearly you have never been in the same kind of situation. Lucky you. Not that my situation needs to be justified, but here you go, he lost his job, changed his number and moved away. I only found out on Thursday where he had moved to (2 and a half hours from us) and that was after CMS had found him, which, by the way, cost me money for them to do so. I exhausted all my options, they were my final option. And it worked because now he's agreed to pay for his child and wants to start building a relationship with her. I think this pretty much clears everything up.