Tips please!? Cafcass and court

[JoJo2106]

Hi,

I am due to go to court probably in a few weeks as my ex us taking me to court over contact with DS (he's 9 months old). There is currently no contact as there was a domestic violence incident outside my home while he was holding ds. He tried to run off with him and as I ran to try an get him back he struck me in the chest. He was arrested but no further action. I had breast cancer 10 years ago too so have been to docs as I have a breast implant and have had pain ever since he hit me. My solicitor advised no contact until there's a court order in place granting me residence.

There has been domestic violence other times in the relationship also but unfortunately weren't reported to police although I have showed them pics of bruises I have had. There are also drug and alcohol concerns so want him tested in court. I have had a letter from cafcass today saying I will be getting a phone call soon. Has anyone any tips for when having this phone appointment as in stuff I should and shouldn't say? Is it true the judge usually goes off what cafcass recommend?

Also any tips for court? I am so anxious and worried about the whole thing as never been through anything like this before.

How awful op, you must be terrified. Bumping for you.

Gosh so sorry to hear this

That abusive is dreadful and I am sad to hear you went through this and he was holding an innocent child at the time

Wishing you the very best

The cafcass phone call will be just general talk to know what your concerns are, why contact stopped etc but from your point of view and then he will get the same phone call, the cafcass person will then write a report that you will both receive a copy of and the judge will also

going through court sucks and the outcome isn't always what you want (wasn't in my case) but just be honest and keep your cool - no matter how hard it is

Someone posted in here a while ago new guidelines for courts with dv.

My advice . Make it all about your dc. Anything factual you can prove . They like facts.

You need to keep on the topic of your child and act in the babies interests. (You are obviously just making sure you are in your phone call too)

If you have evidence of anything give those examples of abuse as examples. Don't reel off incidents you can't back up in court.

The court does take into account cafcass recommendations but they don't act on just that alone. They need to see evidence, statements, parent opinions as well as their own.

I would keep bringing up the Childs age, unable to voice his opinion, care he is being provided. Needs supervised contact... Do you trust his family?

Do you have evidence of the drug and alcohol abuse?

Thank you everyone. Yes it is pretty scary this whole thing. The stress is unbelievable and i have a baby to look after aswwll As myself it is really hard work with all this going on.

@Orlandobound yes everything I have done up to now has been in my child's interest. He is 9 months old and as you say does not have his own voice. He has been with me since day 1, ex only ever had contact for 3-4 hours usually both days of the weekend. Can't do midweek cos of work. He doesn't really know how to cater to ds's needs, he's never bathed him in his life and has never fed him food as obviously he's weaning now. He has pushed and pushed for overnight contact since he was weeks old. I don't trust him with him, he has smoked weed for 25 years and has just stopped recently as I said I would get him drug tested. Drinks every single day, children's services had contacted his go and they had told them that in 2016 my ex was drinking 60 units of alcohol a week (it was actually more but he played it down) and said they'd advised him to cut down. He didn't cut down. He even drove a car with ds in it only days old after sat up drinking all night.

I have numerous text messages discussing the drink an drugs even while I was pregnant and before so that's about the only proof I have. He also took ds round to his friends house where they smoke weed while the kids are in the house. I just feel completely sick with all of this.

I don't get on with his family. There is literally my ex, his dad and his sister in the family. That is it! And his sister has a drink problem too.

Just need to be as open an honest as possible with cafcass that's all I can do. So if I don't have proof of something is it best not to bring it up?

Forgot to say. He hit my stomach when I was pregnant. I got checked out at hospital but told them I bumped a shopping trolley into it. I was too scared to say anything else. Will I be able to bring that up? Just as I wasn't honest about what really happened would that work against Me?

The caffcass call should just be a general chat about the situation, your child, their routine and your parenting style etc. Definitely bring up that he hit you in the stomach whilst pregnant, however it probably will be questioned why you didn't report it. Try to centre every answer around your child as from my experience they could not care less if you was beaten daily by your ex, if they don't think he would harm the child then he will get contact (hopefully supervised at first). I'm not sure if you get legal aid, but I didn't and they told me it would cost £500-£600 for me to get a drugs test for my ex.

Well I went to the hospital as I was getting pain so wanted to be checked out but was too frightened to say what actually happened as I was scared they would get social services involved. I was stupid for staying in the relationship as long as I did. I tried to end it Lots of times but he always talked me round. It wasn't until I finally got out of the relationship I realised how awful it actually was an wished I'd ended it long ago. The hospital will have a record of me getting checked out but don't want it to come back as a negative on me.

That's terrible that they don't care if u are beat black and blue. Yes I realise he will get some kind of contact. He has always had contact from the start right up until the incident in April when ds was 7 months. He has just pushed an pushed an made my life hell for monthsex has refused to mediate with me too, he attended a MIAM but he had to do that so he could take me to court.

Solicitor is going to apply for legal aid but tbh I'm not sure if I will qualify or not. So that's another worry that I might be alone in court while he has a solicitor