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Original poster

She's withholding his kids- help!

52 replies

namenamenamenam · 07/06/2018 16:31

I'm a regular poster but name changed in case the person involved is on MN.

I've been with my boyfriend for quite a few weeks now, spent an awful lot of time together, whole days, whole weekends not just odd dates. The current arrangement is that he has his kids 50-50. He's spent time with my kids and when I'm at his for weekends, I spend a lot of time with his kids. They seem genuinely happy with him, affectionate, not at all nervous, he feeds them well, they are cuddly and generally lovely kids. A little boisterous at times, but they're only 3 (DS) and 5 (DD), that's to be expected. They seem to get on really well.

In the past, his EXW has made accusations to social services that he's hurt them, there have been investigations and nothing was ever found- and I've seen the paperwork with my own eyes, he's been incredibly open about it.

Today on the day he's meant to collect them from nursery and school he's had a message from her solicitor so say she's withholding them from him, obviously he went straight to pick up the youngest from nursery and it's real, she's taken the kids.

He can't get hold of his solicitor because he's in court, and he's in bits obviously- there was no warning for this, the letter was delivered today saying that it's happening today so not earlier in the week giving him a chance to speak to the solicitor beforehand.

I just don't know what to do... What happens next? How can I help? He's terrified of losing his kids and thinks it's all about money- which he's never tried to withhold and had actually gone over and above to help her when they first split.

I'm completely lost!

OP posts:
LIZS · 07/06/2018 17:16

He's involved you with his young children when your relationship is only weeks old. I think you need to back off and let him sort out access without you in the mix. They should be his priority.

Yokatsu · 07/06/2018 17:18

One of my kids schools was very supportive of my ex, thought he was a fabulous father. They were very very wrong.

CourtneyLovely · 07/06/2018 17:31

My DD met my DP for an afternoon when we'd been seeing each other for a few weeks. It was about 8 months before he spent the night. Wtf are you doing having him for the weekend with your kids - and vice versa - after only a few weeks?

In the event that he's a saint and she's a bitch my advice would still be to back off and stay out.

Caribbeanyesplease · 07/06/2018 17:34

Been together a very short time and he’s already introduced you to his children. From very early on it would seem if you have spent a fair bit of time with them.

Not generally what parents do when embarking on a new relationship and they have two very young children.

Yokatsu · 07/06/2018 17:44

If he spends time with your kids have you had him checked via the Sarah's law?

Bear in mind my ex for example wouldn't have appeared on any Sarahs law check, even after they finally stopped going as the police didn't prosecute

OurMiracle1106 · 07/06/2018 18:00

You should’nt even have met his kids yet let alone be spending time with them!

You support him by telling him to get legal advice and by stepping back and not expecting to spend any time with his children.

As a mother I would be concerned if I met someone and they immediately wanted me to meet their kids. I’ve been dating my partner for over a year and still haven’t met their kids.

SoddingUnicorns · 07/06/2018 18:13

@Yokatsu neither would mine, nor would a Clare’s Law check return any concerns. I guess both should be used to check if there IS anything, but not to be confident there is nothing if nothing is returned from them if that makes sense?

greathat · 07/06/2018 18:16

You've been together for weeks and you're already involved with his kids?! Much too soon! The Mum knows nothing about you for a start!

Yokatsu · 07/06/2018 18:21

@SoddingUnicorns totally makes sense. It's a first check

SoddingUnicorns · 07/06/2018 18:33

That’s what I meant, for some reason my
brain wouldn’t work logically Grin

TheSecretMole · 07/06/2018 18:36

Agree with the other posters. Step back.

Wolfiefan · 07/06/2018 18:39

You don't know this man.
You shouldn't be involved with his kids at all.
Take a step away. A big one!

Collaborate · 07/06/2018 18:46

Could I gently remind many of the posters on this thread that this is Legal, not AIBU? Christ Almighty.....

He's really going to be better off speaking to his solicitor ASAP. Nothing can be done today, but he needs to get it in to court ASAP. He'll complete court form C100. He needs a certificate of urgency, and to get it before a judge on the day it's issued so that it can be listed, say, within a week on notice.

Wolfiefan · 07/06/2018 18:46

But she's not involved in the legal process. She needs to leave it to those who are.

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/06/2018 18:51

Why are you involved with his kids within a matter of weeks? I'd be absolutely enraged.

Withholding "his" kids...you mean they are with their mother?

Believe me, you know nothing at this stage. The way my ex-h painted himself to the OW, to her family and her friends, everybody must think what a super duper guy he is. He's a cunt. The court appear to agree and his contact with our DS very limited. Oh and the girlfriend, let's just say he has made everything a million times worse.

My advice to you is to stay WELL out of this. You are a girlfriend of a few weeks, your children should not be dragged into this either.

makeitalargegin · 07/06/2018 18:54

You only been together a few weeks and both your kids have met you both Hmm

Moving rather fast here op

Orlandobound · 07/06/2018 19:00

Is this serious? You've known him weeks stay the hell out of it, you don't even know this man

SoddingUnicorns · 07/06/2018 19:03

But she's not involved in the legal process. She needs to leave it to those who are

This.

onlymyselftoanswerto1 · 07/06/2018 19:12

I'd be seeing major red flags. And don't be fooled by the school etc supporting him, many perpetrators of domestic violence groom and charm those around them out in public, when behind closed doors they are completely different. I think your main priority is to protect YOUR children, not some man you've known a few weeks and whose ex is probably not as bad as he is portraying - I dare say she didn't do this on a whim.

expatinscotland · 07/06/2018 19:23

He's your boyfriend of 5 minutes, not a partner, he shouldn't be involved with your kids any more than you are with his.

Awaits next instalment of this: Partner is abusive, and I'm 5 months pregnant . . .

Forget 'supporting' him and work on supporting your kids by protecting them from every boyfriend you meet.

HarshingMyMellow · 07/06/2018 20:00

Honestly OP, no one is going to thank you for getting involved here.
Be a sounding board if your boyfriend needs someone but other than that take a step back.

The kids need a relationship with their dad more than you do.

Lilyargin · 07/06/2018 20:10

Blimey. Everyone saying the same thing over and over again.
It sounds like a case of parental alienation to me.
My partner went through this and it was very painful. There were no grounds for preventing him seeing his children. It took two years of court cases, a lot of anguish and money.
What helped him through was support from me, his family and friends.
Just be there for him.

CosmicCanary · 07/06/2018 20:16

But we have been together weeks and are soul mates and i am involved in every aspect of his life and i luffs him and I trust this man i have known all these weeks so i introduced him to my kids and now I am fighting his evil ex for her kids

Hmm
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 07/06/2018 20:47

Awaits next instalment of this: Partner is abusive, and I'm 5 months pregnant

Yup.

PrincessCuntsuelaVaginaHammock · 10/06/2018 15:39

The thing is OP, however sad you are about people thinking you're making a mistake.. you still are. Unless maybe by quite a few weeks you mean like 77. I reckon, however, that what you're talking about here is a relationship of a few months. In which case, telling you to stay out of it is very sensible advice. And the people telling you that it's very early to have introduced him to your kids and to be making long term plans are right. Whether or not he's telling the truth doesn't make any difference to this.

Speaking as a solicitor, not getting too involved in other people's legal proceedings, especially not family law ones, is usually a good idea.

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