'Unagreed' Child Maintenance

[E201]

Dear All,

I had an unplanned pregnancy with my ex-partner. We never lived together or had any shared assets. Our daughter will be 4 years old next week and she has been living with my ex-partner all this time. I am named on the birth certificate and I have a reasonably OK relationship with my ex-partner. I go to see my daughter every weekend and the 3 of us go to eat out, fun parks, museums etc etc. Of course I have paid for large items and clothing etc for my daughter.

We haven't yet come to an agreement re-maintenance money. Based on my earnings I offered £400 per month back when my daughter was born however ex-partner refused this amount. She asked for £800 per month however that was (and is) beyond my budget. As a result of this lack of agreement I have been putting £400 per month into a savings account for my daughter (the account is in my name) over the last 48 months. It was the only thing I thought I could do given the fact that we never came to an agreement.

Over the course of the last 48 months I have of course been providing money as and when required. I have raised the issue of the 'unagreed' child maintenance with her several times but it always caused a frosty atmosphere.

Last week we finally had a meeting to discuss the issue. My ex-partner asked me to transfer all the funds into an account for her to take control of the money (ie. the 'unagreed' child maintenance money) that I have been saving. I know this whole issue has been managed wrong however I want to do things transparently and fairly from now. I also want to raise a case with the CMS so that she is 'made to accept' money on a monthly basis. I understand the CMS level is the absolute minimum but at least it would get the process underway.

Can I ask for your thoughts on this and how I should proceed. I'd be happy to provide further details if you have any specific questions.

Thanks for reading.

Chris

She has no legal right to the funds you have put by, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't pay it over.

I should definitely start a CMS assessment. It is indeed the minimum, but that doesn't stop you from stumping up for the big stuff on top.

Why are you not seeing your daughter independently? Why does she not stay over with you?

If you dont want her to have the money maybe put the childs' funds into a junior ISA with both you and your ex named as contacts, then the money will remain in the account until your child is 18.

Or split it - half into an ISA, half transferred into her account. Because although you do contribute, the basics of putting a roof over her head and paying for food and clothes still needs to happen. And you should contribute to this. If your ex is working, then who is looking after the child while she works? ARe you doing your fair share of childcare? You see the child regularly, but when does your ex get a break from childcare - do you have child some weekends, some weekdays, some evenings?

Id get everything formalised - contact and maintenance - because right now it seems you are playing the uncle game, where you are not parenting, you are a disney dad whogets all the fun without responsibilities who is trying to control the money.

As posted before you need to formally sort out cms and access - you should be able to see your daughter without your ex being there.

But what are your own circumstances? £800 per month from someone who earns £1200 per month total take-home is clearly ridiculous but £800 per month from someone taking home £5,000 per month would be a pittance.

Why are you posting this again?

Maintenance isn’t so that your child can have a lump sum to spend when they’re 18, it’s to maintain them until that time - so food, clothes, housing, utilities, childcare etc. So if you wanted to save for your child this should have been separate from maintenance and it’s pretty irritating as resident parent to be told that you’ve been saving up while they’ve been paying for your child on their own. You should have just been transferring the £400 a month to your ex whilst you were negotiating. I assume this is what you are now doing?

As far as the savings go it’s difficult as in your eyes it’s savings for your child’s future whereas your ex may (and rightly so) see it as back pay for 4 years of no maintenance. Legally you don’t have to pay it - but you should have been giving it direct to her all along.

OP, if you go through CMS you would need a wage of over 90k a year to be paying £800 per month for one child.

Maybe read your previous thread?