Changing mind about agreed holiday with a child arrangements order in place

[worriedandstressedAAA]

My ex and I have a childcare arrangements order in place which specifies that my ex gets X amount of holidays per year (2 weeks in the summer, 1 week at Christmas and half of the half terms) so we have to agree dates. The order also says that my ex is supposed to give me certain information about any foreign travel, e.g. flight time, where DCs are staying etc) well in advance.

So, my ex asked a few months ago if he could take DCs, 10 and 8, to see his dad who lives abroad (in Europe). I agreed but now have good reasons why I don't want DCs to go including that my ex's dad slags both me and my DH off and last time they saw him it took a week for them to settle.

Question is, can I now withdraw consent to them going abroad? I don't mind my ex having them half the holiday but don't want them to leave the country. As I said, we have a child arrangements order in place and a residence/live with order in my favour.

By the way, even on the wording you have now provided it is implicit that he can take them out of the country provided he complies with the requirements in the order. The court case last summer simply established that he cannot take them out of the country if he does not comply with the requirements in the order.

You have shifted position massively in this thread. You started out by saying that you had consented to him taking your children out of the country and implied that he had given you the required information. You wanted to know what would happen if you now withdrew consent.

You are now saying that he has not given you the required information and arguing that you didn't actually consent. Furthermore, you are telling us that you know what would happen because there was a court ruling last year. So what was the point of this thread?

You appear to imply something about the quality of lawyers posting on this thread. They answered the question you asked with the information you made available. If you chose not to reveal important facts that is your problem.

To be honest, the obvious huge inconsistency over the ages of your children vs the time you claim to have spent persuading them to see their father makes me wonder how much your posts can be trusted.

Far be it for me to add my tuppence worth, but I suspect the non-lawyers reading this thread may be able to come to a view on the quality of the posts here and the quality of advice.

How is the exchange of email my ex and I had over this arguably does not amount to consent on my part in any way consistent with So, my ex asked a few months ago if he could take DCs, 10 and 8, to see his dad who lives abroad (in Europe). I agreed.

If you gave evidence with this level of inconsistency in court you really would be torn apart. You agreed, apparently some time ago, therefore either your ex complied with any other preconditions in the order or you waived them. If you tried to claim it wasn't "real" agreement because you have belatedly decided that it's convenient for you to insist on the preconditions after all, you would get precisely nowhere.

Are you one of Trump's lawyers who specialises in fake news and misrepresentation?

I am not a lawyer. I have stepchildren who have been the subject of various hearings for a decade varying from simple child arrangement hearings (simple but long winded hoop jumping due to malicious accusations intended to thwart contact) , all the way to applications for leave to remove the children abroad. , Enforcement and change of residence.
We have represented ourselves purely because of cost. Had the money been available we would have employed a family lawyer.

We have 'won' at every hearing (if you can call putting children through this winning) .
I have helped my husband do this in no small part from reading the very kind, professional and above all ACCURATE advice given on here over many years by the brilliant family lawyers on this board .
These kind people give up their time to advise people either trying to see their children - or trying to keep their children safe from people who shouldn't be seeing their children.
At all times the advice has been professional and above all child centred.

The trick is OP - to tell the truth about the circumstances. Not to invent your own narrative to suit YOUR desired outcome. To put your children first even if it isn't what you want.
What they want above all else is for you to co-parent in a civil manner. Wanting to renege on an agreement that you clearly state you have already agreed to - because you don't like your ex FIL - is simply not putting them first. It's putting you first and them firmly in the middle of a shitstorm that will inevitably kick off. A shitstorm entirely of YOUR making.

That is not in their best interests and that should always be your focus.

No competant lawyer I know would even attempt to advise on areas outside their expertise but then I guess I am dealing with a different "calibre" of lawyers on this thread

And no competent solicitor (?) I know would have such appalling spelling and grammar, even on an internet forum. Isn't life a bitch?

@fontofnoknowledge

Well said 👏👏

A would have thought a real lawyer could spell competent, what with in being Latin in origin. In summary, lawyer,my arse.

I’m having a similar issue with my ex. Though all agreements we have are verbal. Me and my partner wanted to take my daughter to Wales for for a few days in October. I mentioned it to my ex before we booked it and he agreed so we booked and paid. Now we’re only a couple of weeks from going, my ex has now changed his mind about letting her go. I told him that it was all paid for and booked and he says he will have her for a couple of days while we go, but expects me to cut my holiday short as he can’t have her the full 5 days. What am I meant to do? Give in and cut my holiday short? Cancel it? Leave it to him to make other arrangements with our daughter?

I feel like I’m hitting my head against a wall here, part of me thinks it’s just jealously because of how great things are going my new partner.

Please help.

You don't need his consent to take your daughter to Wales as you are not leaving the UK. You say all agreements are verbal so presumably there are no court orders in place. You can therefore safely ignore him and take her to Wales.

Firstly OP is not a lawyer. She can’t even spell.

Secondly your reasons for refusing are childish and frankly a joke.

Hello
Can anyone offer me some advice regarding holidays with child arrangement order. We have a order which only states when he can take my dd on holiday 2 separate weeks during summer, which I don't have a problem with but he does when I take her on holiday. He constantly threatens me with court action because when I take a holiday he says I am breaching the court order. Why am I not allowed to take holidays when I want like he can. I know the holiday means he doesn't see her for a week, I always try to give additional contact when possible to make up for missed contact during the holiday, he usually refuse this.
I am out my mind thinking of this, I feel he uses the court order to continue to control me.
I hope this makes sense.

Technically he's correct,but no court is going to object to you having similar holidays to him. It is simply the case that when the order was made you didn't stick your hand up and ask that provision be made for your own holiday time. If it becomes a real problem you'll need to get it back in to court.

You are correct in theory. However there are options available to him. 1. Obtain a specific issue order that will allow him to take them with the courts consent rather than yours. He will obtain this order as no safeguarding issues are there. 2. He loses his holiday and enforces the order. Any number of things could happen off the back of that from having to reimburse his holiday to a change of residency for not being able to effectively co parent. Why would you not want your kids to enjoy a holiday with their father regardless of your feelings towards everyone around them? Sounds borderline narcissistic and controlling to me ‘someone upset me so im going to score points off the back of it’. De personalise and think of the kids in the moddle where they did not choose to be

@Dad8483 This thread is nearly 6 years old. I doubt OP needs your advice now.

Oops didnt look at the dates