non resident father who is very unreliable threatening to apply for custody...

[Babybell2016]

I have a 2yo DSwho lives with me where he has lived since birth. His father has been in and out of her life since he was born and sometimes for months at a time. When he is involved he rarely shows up to the arranged visits and wont tell me Hes not coming and normally asks for a visit the same day. I always say yes if it is possible however if we are out or have plans I will suggest a different day.

I will admit there have been a few times I have had to rearrange a visit due to work or other things but if I do I always let him know and will offer to rearrange for the next day he can do.

this visiting arrangement process clearly isn't working as neither I nor the father seem to be happy and have offered on numerous occasions to come up with a few set days he will visit him each week. However he wont agree to this and continues to ask on a same day notice schedule.

he doesn't know him very well and has never been alone with him without me there. infact he still comes running for me if I even leave DS alone with him for a few minutes.

The father has never changed a nappy or any of the parental care things you need to do for your children either.

His father is threatening to apply for sole custody of DS and I would like to find out what my options are, what I can do to try and keep residency and what his rights are for visitation etc. as well as mine.

I do want DS to have a relationship with his father but I feel this threat is not in the best interests on DS.

Father is also demanding unsupervised visits and its not that I will never let him have them I just feel DS doesn't know him well enough yet and would be very unsettled and wanting his mum.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I can't imagine he has any chance of getting residence. Tell him to go ahead and apply and see where it gets him. He's trying to intimidate you.

Have you kept a diary of contact and a record of messages and communication?
You need legal advice.

I agree with Butterymuffin btw, but records and evidence ard important.

It's unlikely a court would give him a residence order if the Ds is very young and if the father is irregular and unreliable in his visits. What are his living arrangements? It's unlikely he's got a safe and secure home with all the things a 2 year old needs. Usually the mother is the best place for a young child. If he wants residence or defined contact he'll just have to go to Court, won't he?

Thanks for the replies :)

I have almost all of our communication recorded (thought I would keep correspondence just in case) but was wondering what else I could do to try and back me up in case he does go ahead with this.

also I've done a bit of research and apparently he is entitled to unsupervised visits until there is proof he doesn't return DS on time or at all. But surely as DS is so young and isn't used to the father I am within my rights to be there incase DS is distressed ? It would almost be like a stranger having him.

He wants unsupervised contact then he’s likely to get this, unless there’s reason to believe he might be a danger to your DS. But he’d have to go to court and agree to a set visitation schedule like EOW. If he’s as unreliable as you say he is I doubt he’ll bother.

And the chances of him getting sole custody/residency are slim to none. It doesn’t sound like he’d want it anyway; it’s probably a power play designed to scare you.

to single not single

-I'm not even sure what his living arrangements are every time I ask father he gives me a different answer the only way I can contact him is via phone.

Slim to no chance of residence or even shared residence at this stage, he has proven to be inconsistent with contact and you have been your child’s sole carer since birth.

He will more than likely get unsupervised contact as he’s not a danger or a kidnap risk, but it will be on set days/times which is what you’ve offered already. Unsupervised contact whilst scary for you will force him to step up and help build bonds with your son which is a good thing. And it’s unlikely to go straight to overnights, most likely a build up to that (so going from a few hours, to full days then to overnight to make the transition easier on your son).

Actually a friend did have success in stopping unsupervised contact and one of the arguments used was that her ex refused to say where he was living, not just to her but also to CAFCASS and the judge. Although she doesn’t have the right to supervise herself; she has to drop her DS off at a contact centre.

TroubledLichen My ex has contact at a contact centre, but there needs to be a valid reason. Not giving an address is valid as if he chooses not to return the child your friend would not know where to go/send the police to have the child returned.

thank you to everyone who has replied . ill keep your advice and knowledge on board :)

Hopefully nothing comes of it but you have all eased my mind a little so thank you !

He doesn't really sound like someone making any more than casual threats. Do you speak to him by phone? If so, switch to email and tell him that's how ll contact arrangements will be made in future. Don't respond to same-day requests. He sounds like a shit dad.