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Errant Daughter

10 replies

geordieone · 03/05/2018 18:25

I'll start with some background. I'm a single father to a 14 year old DD that I've had custody of for 8 years. I got custody because her mother is mentally ill with schizophrenia and was abusing my DD. Her mother goes up and down in waves with her behaviour and I've always encouraged contact when she is well, but her mother stays away when she is ill. There has never been any normal relationship between them, and until a few months ago, DD was saying that she no longer wanted to see her at all.
Three weeks ago, I got up to get a drink of water at 2.00am and found DD's bedroom door ajar with the light and tv on. I popped my head into her room to tell her to get to sleep, and was confronted with my worst nightmare ! There was some strange 6 foot tall man on top of DD in bed, I screamed, 'what the hell is going on' and DD leaped out of bed with quilt around herself. Neither of them would say a word, so I grabbed the man and threw him out of my house. In doing so I found DD's bed was covered in blood. I couldn't get any sense out of her other than it was her boyfriend, who she had never mentioned to me, so I left it until the next day.
I called her mother and asked her to talk to [DD - name removed] and try to help with the situation, so she came around in a taxi. My daughter had packed a few bags of clothes and left, and has refused to see me, or talk to me ever since, I have no idea why ??? DD is staying with her mother and will not listen to anything I text her, despite me having full custody and parental responsibility for her. I have raised DD without any help, financial or otherwise, from her mother for 8 years and loved and supported her unconditionally. I don't want to have to force her to come home through the courts, but I'm at my wits end and worried sick for her. I'd be hugely grateful for any advice.

OP posts:
FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 03/05/2018 18:27
Biscuit
Smeddum · 03/05/2018 18:27

First of all OP you might want to report your post (for an edit) because I think you’ve accidentally included your DDs name in there.

Secondly, I’m so sorry this is happening, how awful for you and your DD. Can you call the police since you have custody? There’s clearly a safeguarding issue about the man in your house too. Have you called SS? They might be able to intervene.

NeverLovedElvis · 03/05/2018 18:31

You describe the boyfriend as a man, not a boy. That is ringing some alarm bells- how old is he, do you think?
Although your daughter called him her boyfriend if there's a big age gap I would suspect grooming.

geordieone · 03/05/2018 19:37

I would say he's about 18 + and 6 foot + tall, I spoke to the police and they weren't interested. I also spoke to Social Services and they have done nothing so far, but so they will be doing an assessment, whatever that means, and I've heard nothing in the week since they said this. I've reported this to Mumsnet to get the name removed.

OP posts:
Lukesflannelshirt · 03/05/2018 20:41

I would say she is very embarrassed. I would try the police again and go and visit your daughter. If she won't speak to you perhaps write her a letter? I wouldn't come across angry because you don't know how this relationship has started. Is she on the pill? Perhaps speak to her mum about that part.
I would say she has gone to her mum for space, to hide and for some female support. She probably thinks her mum will be easier on her because of their damaged relationship.

I would give it a few weeks, if she doesn't come home i would go to court. Perhaps with carcass involvement social services will care?
Don't push too hard.

In regards to the blood, perhaps she was on her period or it was her first time. Most young lady's lose some blood in this circumstance.

ambernectarines · 03/05/2018 20:43

Checking Reddit for this.

Ginorchoc · 03/05/2018 20:44

You what now?

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 03/05/2018 20:45

I am appalled that the police are not interested if she is only 14 and the man was an adult.

geordieone · 03/05/2018 21:05

I don't know how old he was, that's why the police weren't interested. My daughter claims he goes to her school, but it has a 6th form. I just can't get through to her despite writing her lengthy texts explaining that I still love her and just want her to be safe with me. I'm lost !

OP posts:
Lukesflannelshirt · 03/05/2018 21:30

I would go round and I would write to her. Perhaps promise not to bring it up and take her for a coffee or her favourite restaurant. Just so you can spend time and can see you love her and nothing else matters.
Can you afford a solicitor?
Perhaps draft a court application. Go to the courts and ask which forms you need, as her mum is breaking the order and you aren't sure if she is really safe as no contact.

Does she reply?
Can you get her from school? You are her parent with PR. The school cant stop you.

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