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Legal matters

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Original poster

Is this legally considered rape?

25 replies

JustForClarification · 03/05/2018 17:49

If A is sleeping (A is a known very heavy sleeper) and B has sex with A whilst asleep

B says they thought A was up for it because A had unbuttoned their trousers and had fallen asleep with their hand between their legs.

A didn't wake up till B had just ejaculated and was getting off of A. A immediately asked what was B doing.

B say's to just get over it, it was an accident they thought A was awake and they're legally still married

A has made it very clear they were not awake

Is this considered rape?

other information:
A and B are still legally married, have been split up for just over a month.

B wants A back and has made it very clear.

A has told B they aren't getting back together.

B has asked for FWB, ONS etc number times each time denied by A

A and B did sleep together a few weeks ago when drunk, it was a one-off.

OP posts:

Bimblepops · 03/05/2018 17:50

Yes, it is rape. I’m sorry that this happened to A. I believe you.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 03/05/2018 17:51

Yes it's rape.

HollowTalk · 03/05/2018 17:52

Of course it's rape. There was no consent. "Get over it" is offensive in the extreme.

user1483387154 · 03/05/2018 17:53

It is rape. Im sorry that A has experienced this.

Smeddum · 03/05/2018 17:54

Yes, it is. And B knows it too. Bastard. If this is you OP, I’m sorry this happened to you.

XH did it to me, I wasn’t asleep, but he raped me 3 days after DS1 was born. He broke me.

NeverLovedElvis · 03/05/2018 17:55

I'm not a lawyer. However, the legal definition of rape rests on whether the victim consented and whether the perpetrator is reasonable to believe they consented. Personally, I can't see how falling asleep with a hand between your legs could be reasonably interpreted as consenting to sex. So I would say yes, it was rape.

If this is about you, then I'm really sorry this happened to you.

WeeMadArthur · 03/05/2018 17:56

I find this a helpful and clear guide

WeeMadArthur · 03/05/2018 17:56

So, yes it was rape

tribpot · 03/05/2018 17:58

B realises rape in marriage hasn't been legal since 1991, right? Being married is irrelevant to the facts.

mostdays · 03/05/2018 18:05

That is rape.

I hope A is OK.

Original poster

JustForClarification · 03/05/2018 18:09

tribpot B was 1 in 91 and apparently wasn’t aware

OP posts:

Smeddum · 03/05/2018 18:12

How can anyone at all think that having sex with someone who is asleep (therefore unable to consent) is acceptable?

Consent must be given each and every time. Married, in a relationship, FWB, ONS I don’t care, consent is necessary each and every time.

pallisers · 03/05/2018 18:15

B thought there was no such thing as rape in marriage? That was his default position until the law was explained to him?

I can see why they are separated.

yes it was rape. He knows too - he knows A did not consent he just thinks his right to have sex is far more important than a woman's right to consent. hope A is ok?

prh47bridge · 03/05/2018 18:33

Yes, that is rape. As A was asleep she is assumed not to have consented. It would be up to B to show either that A consented or that he reasonable believed she consented. A having unbuttoned her trousers and fallen asleep with her hand between her legs doesn't get close to that in my view.

tribpot · 03/05/2018 18:49

B was 1 in 91 and apparently wasn’t aware
So B was too young to remember a time when rape in marriage was legal, but assumed rape in marriage was legal? Not a very convincing defence is it? Plus B asserts it wasn't rape anyway, so whether rape in marriage is legal is also not relevant.

Flutist · 03/05/2018 19:12

You don't have the right to have sex with someone because you're married to them.

You don't have the right to have sex with someone because you had sex with them on a previous occasion.

You don't have the right to have sex with someone because they fall asleep with their hand between their legs.

You don't have the right to have sex with someone because you think they're awake and they haven't said no.

You don't have the right to have sex with someone because you want to get back together with them.

Sorry but this is rape and imo the police should be informed.

Original poster

JustForClarification · 03/05/2018 20:23

smeddum I don't know really. How does anyone think having sex with someone who is asleep is an accident

A will not go to the police, A knows there is very little chance B will be prosecuted and A & B have children together.

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 03/05/2018 20:32

Yes it is completely and totally there is no defence away from it.

But as going to the police is out of the question I hope B is no longer in the house and certainly not in the same bedroom

prh47bridge · 03/05/2018 22:09

Whether B will be prosecuted depends on the evidence. The most common reason for rapists not being prosecuted is the victim pulling out. Personally I would encourage her to go to the police but fully understand if she really doesn't want to.

Original poster

JustForClarification · 04/05/2018 19:15

A has been through the process before and the CPS stated there wasn't enough evidence and the case was dropped.

Hence not wanting to go through it again

OP posts:

Smeddum · 04/05/2018 19:17

Did B know A had been through it before?

Achafi · 04/05/2018 19:20

It is rape in England and Wales. I'm sorry that it happened.

specialsubject · 04/05/2018 21:08

marriage not relevant. previous sex not relevant.

no decent person has sex with someone unconscious.

b needs to be locked out for safety of a.

Original poster

JustForClarification · 04/05/2018 21:35

Smeddum - Yes, B even gave a statement to the police.

OP posts:

AllyMcBeagle · 05/05/2018 20:39

We all agree it was definitely rape.

I would suggest that A talks to an expert (eg rape crisis phoneline) about what to do next and gets counselling/support. Even if they don't want to go to the police, I think it would still be helpful for them to speak to someone. It's an awful thing to go through and A has my sympathies.

There are some contact details for various organisations which might be able to help here:
www.itv.com/thismorning/rape-helplines

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