Solicitors letter....now what?

[onemoresmartie]

Hi everyone

Sorry if this has been done a million times just wanted a bit of advice please to anyone who has been in a similar situation

I have been in contact with a solicitor and they sent my ex partner a letter regarding access arrangements adjusting slightly and this was sent to my ex partner
He has today sent a letter back to my solicitor from himself (not any legal representative) basically 3 pages of ranting which I probably would have received via WhatsApp if he wasn't blocked.

As this isn't a solicitors letter does it stand or mean anything?

Also this Sunday I have asked for him back at 6pm, I have also agreed for him to have him extra because it's half term on the understanding he is returned by 6pm.

Where do I stand if he doesn't return him?
Can the police be involved or do I have to let it happen?

Help please

From the sounds of it you need to formalise contact arrangements via mediation or court. Your letter is no more meaningful than his, even if it is via a solicitor, as at this stage they just write what you ask them to and charge you for the privilege. Is there any formal arrangement in place at the moment?

Nothing formal at the moment, how does mediation work and is there a cost for this?
He is aggresssive and intimidating which is why I have nothing to do with him so I really don't feel mediation would get us anywhere as I don't want to be near him.

This Sunday if he doesn't return him, will the police get involved?

Does he have parental responsibility?

The police won't get involved if no formal agreement is in place and he has parental responsibility. Your solicitor really should be advising you on the next step,not just sending letters. You have to try mediation before you can go to court unless there is a documented history of domestic violence. Failure to try it is frowned upon by judges.

He has parental responsibility but we have never had 50:50. He has access arrangements and time after time all I get is hassle and endless abuse to dictate more.
My child lives with me and always has since split many moons ago.

I am a lone parent and can not afford solicitors fees of £200+ an hour 😭

Delilah is right. If you are worried about him not returning him, you can apply for a residency order (now called a Child Arrangements Order (Lived With)). The only way to protect yourself if you are worried if via mediation or court. If he refuses mediation and you can prove it, you can go straight to court.

My worry is all this costs money that I don't have..I really feel like I'm trapped with what I can do

If you are on a low income, you could apply for legal aid but it is notoriously hard to get. I know it sucks. It's very hard when you know that money could be better spent elsewhere. Why not bring up mediation with your ex and see what he says? Do you think he would laugh it off? You have a solicitor so ask them what next. It's equally pointless spending hundreds on letters back and forth, when you could get it all tied up formally in court instead.

Is your ex abusive?

My solicitor wasn't really worth bothering with to be honest.
He isn't physically abusive but verbally and mentally yes

I want something in writing set in stone that says when and how often he has contact...then there is no confusion or arguments

Who writes the letter for mediation or who can organise this? Does it cost?

I have just been through the exact same thing.

I was advised to let him take me to court as he will then pay the court costs etc.

If you take him to court you will have to pay.

Plus, if you formalise access say as an example 13pm to 18pm every Saturday, then you have to make your child available to see your ex regardless of whether he turns up.

If he doesn't turn up ten times and then you think right this week I'm not waiting in wasting our weekend and he then turns up, you can be taken to court for breaching the access conditions.

To get it changed, you then need to go back to court, so more costs.

I would suggest you keep a record of everything. Every contact and communication.

If he can't be trusted to bring him back as agreed, he doesn't have him. If he doesn't like it, let him take you to court.

It he takes you to court you'll still have to pay for your own legal representation unless you do without.

Also while it's true he could take you to court for breaching the order as previous poster said, he will have breached it too in that example so I wouldn't worry too much.

Family courts are all about what's best for the child. They really don't care about your relationship history unfortunately.

A dad who doesn't care too much about seeing his DC and has been mentally abusive to his ex isn't going to care too much about breaching an order IMHO and so I'd say the most important thing in all of this is getting the residency order in place, so at least you have that security that he can't just take him away when he likes.

Ultimately if he doesn’t return the child, with no formal orders there is nothing that can be done. Even with formal orders, police see it as a civil matter if the child isn’t returned and won’t take the child from the non resident parent, but you can go to court to request return if it’s long term refusal to return- a day won’t be enough. If he breaches formal orders, they can be altered. When does he state he will be returning the child?

He will probably take him to school on Monday and then I will get him from there.

Does mediation request have to come from a solicitor?

Mediation is usually attempted before court orders. Between the parents and then it can be taken to court by solicitors to make legal