Non Amicable Separation--- legal matter forcing house sale or cash

[sawlipad]

Please help me if you can. I am the father of 2 wonderful children who are both now at university after having their latter years at senior school disrupted by my separation from their mother. Their mother had a string of affairs and became an alcoholic after being my partner for 26 years. I was not aware of what was happening for some time and only now know the full horrors of what went on.
We tried to mend the relationship, but it didn't work and in the end myself and the children asked her to leave in the hope she would get help. We found some months after she was having more affairs.
many years have gone on and I managed to painfully and slowly get my son and daughter through their exams and eventually to Uni. Now to the nitty gritty:-
My ex used to work at an estate agent and organised most of the paperwork. Although I paid for EVERYTHING she managed to put the deeds in both our names and I was stupidly none the wiser. Worse I paid off the mortgage with some inherritance money and now the children are at Uni she has had a solicitor write to me and demand that I sell the house to give her 1/2.
I have employed a solicitor who I feel is not helping me as mush as he first said he could. He has drawn up a plan but I'm not happy with how much I'm having to give up. I did nothing wrong and we have been put through the meat grinder to the nth degree but it seems like everyone wants to take all my savings and property just because of this one piece of stupid paper drawn up without full comprehension.
The proposal from my solicitor splits the value of the house and then we have to deduct what she hasn't paid for since separation. For instance child maintenance and benefit. rent for my children while at uni etc.

what i would like to know is what can I deduct (reasonably) from the 50% value of the house to get the settlement cost down. We are presuming separation date of 2008 so can I knock off things like paying 50% of the council tax for the time she was in the house. Her car which I bought and insured.

Can anybody provide me with a list of possible deductions as my mind is a mess with all this. It would be very much appreciated.

Did your partner do the the majority of the childcare?

Did your partner do the majority of the childcare?

As they were not married that is not relevant for the financial settlement. You might feel it should make a difference but in law it doesn't.

It seems to adjust to the typical scenario, of the man leaving his long term partner with children after finding new love or lust and the law rightfully help the ex partner

No, the law is exactly the same for both sexes. Even if you were married her behaviour would not be relevant. The fact you are a man, have a job and have some money is not relevant. You were not married. Therefore anything you own is yours, anything she owns is hers and anything in joint names gets split 50/50. As Collaborate said earlier, if you have paid for improvements to the property or repaid some of the mortgage (not just interest - repaying some of the capital) you may get credit for that but that is all.

If you had left her the situation would be exactly the same. You would be entitled to 50% of the equity in the house.

You are not being hard done by. You chose to buy a house with this woman. She is entitled to a share of the equity. It is that simple.

Was not intended to be a slur on the legal profession. No one's saying it was. It was however a comment on your divorce, and not a comment on OP's entirely different set of circumstances (which for the avoidance of doubt is not a divorce).

As they were not married that is not relevant for the financial settlement. You might feel it should make a difference but in law it doesn't. I didn't mention it due to the law part of this. I was trying to find out if OP realises that this is a major contribution to their partnership/family but as he didn't answer we'll never know.

I didn't mention it due to the law part of this. I was trying to find out if OP realises that this is a major contribution to their partnership/family but as he didn't answer we'll never know.

Given OP has looked after the children for many years without the mother's involvement I think it safe to assume that he made the major contribution to the care of the children, not her.

So would you estimate OP looked after the children on his own since 2008, so it's possible that mother looked after them prior to this, so approx half their childhood, but OP also mentions she worked in an estate agent, so I'm not totally clear on it.

Given OP has looked after the children for many years without the mother's involvement

I think that's putting it a bit high. The OP says tbe separation happened during "their latter years at senior school" and they're at university now, so it's not "many years", and it was hardly the salt mines of preschool sleepless nights and sky high childcare costs.

Not relevant either way though.

It's relevant if OP thinks his partner isn't due a fair share for not financially contributing due to childcare responsibilities.

No. It's not. It's immaterial what he thinks.

I'm talking morally which I know has no bearing on the law/outcome.

To Vitalogy

I'm talking morally which I know has no bearing on the law/outcome

Some might say that is the best and most accurate comment on this thread yet.