Child Maintenence

[SingleDadWithQuestions]

Hi All,

I need something explaining to me because I have to be missing an obvious point somewhere.

I have recently split up with my girlfriend of which we have joint parental responsibility for two young children (1 & 2). She has left the family home as she wanted to create her own family atmosphere. Although I was gutted there is absolutely nothing I can do about the way she feels.

The relationship in the past has always been a good one, I do have a fairly well paid job which I worked hard for my position prior to even meeting my girlfriend. I paid for 90% of all household expenditures including luxuries like 2-3 holidays per year for the last 3 years, I have ensured the kids got the best of the best without over spoiling them. My girlfriend spent the most money out of every family member on clothes and nights out.

Now, and to get to the point, she has realised she is unable to afford any of life’s luxuries and instead has applied to the government for benefits and In addition to this she is expecting me to pay £100 a week in child maintenance.

The confusing part for me is that we have agreed to 50/50 child care. So they will be living in both houses for an equal amount of time and costing us both the exact same to feed but if anything I will be paying more as my job does pay me well. My ex girlfriends response was that it wasn’t fair that I could still afford these luxuries whilst she cant, I fail to see how this is my issue?

She believes that if she didn’t have the kids she would work full time, the reality is that she would get paid more by staying on benefits then she would working full time. I suggested I take full custody of the kids and pay for childcare so she could work, this didn’t go down well.

Someone explain to me what I am missing here, surely this is just life and not everyone can afford to live by themselves these days.

If she is the parent with main day to day care of your children she is entitled to maintenance from you. It is reduced because the children stay with you but, even if they stay with you more than 175 nights a year, you are still liable for maintenance.

I thought as well if it was 50/50 you didn't pay maintenance?

Surely she could get a job on the days you have the children ?

Presume she is claiming the CB / tax credits etc for them ?

Go on the government website and look for the csa calculator. That should show how much if any you should be paying

I understand the laws behind it, but surely they are wrong? What I am trying to understand the reasons for this. Why if parents share responsibility 50/50 then why do I need to pay maintenance if she is already receiving child benefits. Does that mean we should half the child benefit?

I struggle to understand what "luxury" could be bought with £100 a week.

this is just life and not everyone can afford to live by themselves these days

Do you want your ex to move into a house share with your two small children then?

Don't you want your children to have a good standard of living, that you can afford to give them?
It sounds like you want to punish her, and in effect them, for leaving you.

Thing is in a lot of 50/50 situations it's not equal. One parent ends up paying for more. Are you doing proper 50/50 so equal nights a month.

Also while you work who is looking after them.

Do you mean they just sleep at your house 50% of the time? Or do you on,y work part time too? Who gas them during the day on your 50%

This says that if care is shared equally neither parent is due the other maintenance.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/children-and-young-people/child-maintenance/child-maintenance-2012-scheme/child-maintenance-eligibility-and-rules/the-2012-child-maintenance-scheme-who-can-get-maintenance/

This is how I work it with my ex, and I know a few other in 50/50 situations and all just split expenses eg music lessons and clothes, no maintenance changes hands:

If you go through the CMS your weekly income will need to be approximately £1650 per week to pay £100 per week for two children, with 175 nights per year at yours.

This is income before tax and National Insurance but after pension contributions.

By 50/50 I mean they stay at mine 50% of the time and I take them to nursery whilst I go to work.

While they are with me I pay for everything.

50/50 child care equals no maintenance payment. As your not married she isn't entitled to spousal maintenance.

SingleDad so what are you going to do going forward?

Are you going to pay 50% of every pair of shoes your children need? Or only pay for the ones you buy? Or do you expect your ex to pay half of whatever you buy for the children? Are you going to pay 50% of swimming lessons? Brownies/Scouts fees and uniform? Football kit? Or is it only going to be activities you take them to?

What about School and activities and parties? They all cost a fortune too.

I think if your ex girlfriend is the parent with care in this scenario then you should be paying her maintenance. Remember it is for your children, not your ex.

Your missing my point here, this isn’t about punishing her, I am having a moral dilemma here most definitely.

I want to pay for everything the kids do, like extra activities clothing etc.

My question is, if I am paying for all of that, why does she still want maintenance. Should I be expected to pay for them 3 to go on holiday just because I can take them on holiday and she can’t? For me it seems I am expected to pay to allow them to have as someone pointed out a better standard of life but then surely our individual habits as parents should get questioned. As an example I don’t. Smoke, she does at roughly £60 a month, will she quit so she can spend that money on the kids? No.

There has to be a fairer system to the direct benefit goes to the kids.

It's right that in a truly shared care arrangement then neither parent pays maintenance to the other.

If you want the children to go on a holiday then you take them. You don't have to pay for the mother to take them.

You can't tell her how she should spend her income, and she can't tell you how to spend yours.

If care is 50-50 you don't need to pay maintenance- especially as you are paying for lots of extras and she is getting all the child benefits despite only having them half the time.

I have no experience but if you’re already paying for everything they need when with you, I too, would not expect to pay maintenance.

Surely she needs to start working and use childcare?

Nobody should be paying maintenance on 50/50 care.

As some one said earlier go by the CM Calculator, she can't expect the same standard of living if she left you. You are not responsible for funding her lifestyle only 50% costs for the children.

If she wants more money then she needs to get a job for when the children are with you. Although I wouldn't be surprised if she suddenly changes her mind about 50/50 so you have less over nights so the child maintenace goes up.

The calculator says I should pay £92 per week even if I have them for more than 175 nights a year.

Is this a requirement because it seems harsh considering I will probably pay for the majority of things going forward.

Is 50/50 care something we just agree on or is this something you have to prove? my concern here is that if she reports me for not paying maintenance the kids suffer because they lose out.

The maintenance calculator are not set up for 50/50 care, so that's why it showing you should pay.

Posted to soon. So ignore what it is saying. You can agree 50/50 care between you but don't be surprised that your ex suddenly objects when she realised that means no maintenance.

A family based agreement between you and your ex isn’t legally binding. You could go to court for a consent order and work out the details there, although I think after 12 months either party can go to the Child Maintenance Service and get them involved.

You can open a case with CMS it doesn’t have to be the parent with care.

I’m not missing the point here. It is reasonable that you don’t want to fund your ex’s lifestyle choices.