I have a lovely friend who has 3 little boys 8,5 and 3. She was married for 9 years to a man who quite frankly has verbally abused her throughout her marriage.
He has a history of alcohol abuse and has also self harmed (including recently). When they met he was of course charming and gave her the world.
Following the birth of her oldest son (8) she gave up work and was a SAHM until last year when she returned to work 20 hours per week.
Whilst he has not physically abused her he has basically controlled her and verbally attacked her at a steady rate over the years. She has tried to be a supportive wife and tried to help him with his alcohol issues in this time. They had a beautiful house and she persevered to keep her family together.
5 weeks ago she decided she couldn’t take any more of his behaviour and has returned to her parents with her little boys.
She still works 20 hrs a week and is moving into a rented house in a few weeks, she has looked into what she is entitled to whilst she gets herself back on her feet.
The abuse is continuing via pretty much continuous messaging and he has sent the most disgusting messages. I’ve been very shocked and upset over things she has disclosed to me, the awful things he’s said and put her through.
She’s a great girl and a lovely mum, thankfully she has wonderful and supportive parents and some good friends around her.
Yesterday, whilst at A and E as the middle boy had to have a small cut glued after the littlest boy whacked him with a toy car, he accused her of hitting the boy and causing the injury. This was on the phone. She broke down and told the triage nurse the whole situation who was wonderful and gave her lots of advice. The nurse contacted SS (with my friends permission) saying it was for her own protection - to get everything logged etc. I’m very pleased this has happened as I’ve been encouraging her to do so.
He is constantly abusing her on the phone, demanding to know where she is and what the boys are doing,
He lost his job due to drinking and their home is up for sale, he’s gone from being a high earner to being on JSA. She had photos of his recent self harming (horrible gory photos of cut arms) and blames her for him doing this. He has also threatened to kill her dad - in a very gruesome way - and she has this recorded.
He’s just not to be trusted. She’s petrified he’s going to get access to the boys on his own. She doesn’t want to stop them seeing their dad but until he gets help she feels unsafe.
She is also a cancer survivor and has been told she needs a very stress free life.
He is demanding to see the boys and know their constant whereabouts. They are being perfectly well loved and cared for. Where does she stand here? Can she get a restraining order until he sorts himself out? She’s never going back to him.
Thanks for reading.