Residency order - completing C100 form

[Nikitasol]

Has anyone gone through this process? How horrible is it? Is it ultimately worth it? Left an EA relationship, DC doesn't want to go to him and he's saying EA stuff to son when he's at his. I'm going to stop mediation as it's been so awful and this feels like next step. Would you recommend or try to avoid at all costs? Really confused. I have no idea how to complete form C100. Worried I'll get it wrong and it'll come back to bite me.

Why do you need to make an application? Your son lives with you?

Joint parental responsibility as ex on birth certificate but I'm main carer.. Ex is EA and affecting DC and me plus worried about his behaviour hence considering this.

Am worried about possibility of ex behaviour getting worse as a result though

Try to stick with mediation as the court will ask you to do this anyway. They don’t normally complete a residency order unless there is a specific reason why there would need to be one. Status quo is that dc live with you so you technically have residency already. If mediation doesn’t work then your ex may apply for a contact order via the court. We have just finished doing this with nrp. It’s taken years and luckily our order reflects the danger that my dc’s father potentially poses to her. Unless there is a very serious reason (think convicted pedo) then any parent will get some form of contact, better to try and agree without interference of the court.

Thanks @leaderoftheateam so what if he takes me to court?

I've reduced contact to one night pw and eo weekend after very little contact last year and two weeks of 2 nights pw and eo weekend in January which sent DC haywire.

He says he wants to go back to this again in mediation next month but I don't want to go back to mediation as so EA with me in it.

If I don't change contact can /will be do this? What do I do then?

If mediation feels abusive you should stop going. You will get a chorus of people saying it looks bad for court, but that isn't true: mediation is not compulsory and the court isn't entitled to know anything that happened including who stopped it.

There is no such thing as a "Residency" order. Residence orders were abolished a few years ago. The Court will make a Child Arrangements Order which will specify with whom the child lives and with whom he spends time, and when.

If you are able to control what time your son spends with his dad, then do that. If he doesn't like it, and you terminate mediation, then he can make an application to the Court.

The risk, of course, is that the Court gives him more time than you think is best. How old is your son?

Thank you @mrsbertbibby my son is 4

That's tricky, it is really hard to get the court go listen to a 4 year old saying he doesn't want to go to dad because 4 year olds are so easily manipulated and can be so illogical and changeable.

What makes you say his dad says abusive stuff to him when he is with him?

DC behaviour when he comes back. Violent, hitting, spitting, kicking, hissing. Waking up multiple times in the night, wetting himself, saying things like 'daddy says your going to leave me and never come back so I have to go and live with him'. He followed this up with ' he wasn't right to say that was he mummy?'. Other things like 'if you die mummy, I can live with daddy and (new gf) and she can be my new mummy'.

Also telling me he does want to go, he doesn't like him, cross with me for making him go, doesn't like it there.

Handovers are same with DC running and hiding each time and saying 'please don't make me go mummy'. This usually goes on for some time each week.

Behaviour same every time he comes back.. Along with 'you're really stupid mummy etc'

Poor little lad, that can't continue.

Can I suggest you start keeping a diary of his behaviour?

And have you been to the GP?

Why was there so little contact before?

Thank you.

I left him this time last year due to EA amongst other things. He then moved into a party house iykwim and essentially disappeared for a year.

I started mediation in October to try to get some stability / clarity for my son but now wish I hadn't bothered as was easier without him albeit penniless.

He's seeing someone now so guessing he wants to appear more conscientious but also home more with her so wanting to see DC.

I've been a regular at the doctor about insomnia related to stress since October. I haven't been about DC though. However we've had a weekly visit from HV to support us since the autumn. Also been visiting DV charity for support.

Oh you're still under health visiting? That's helpful, what's their view? Do they know about your son's reactions?

Yes they've been really supportive and helpful. They've referred me for a separated parenting course but have also just sat and listened too. We've discussed DC behaviour and they recommended reducing contact.

I've been a regular at the doctor about insomnia related to stress since October from this situation. I haven't been about DC though. However we've had a weekly visit from HV to support us since the autumn. Also been visiting DV charity for support.

I've been keeping a diary and also printing emails although they are very carefully worded