disclaimer we live in a commonwealth country but I figure the principles will be the same. Also, I've name changed and changed some minor details to maintain the privacy of those involved.
My cousin has a toddler with his ex - the relationship broke down when the baby was a couple of months old but my cousin has regularly cared for his DD for 3 nights a week ever since.
The ex has other children and there are many concerns about neglect for all of them, only the youngest is my cousins child.
The main concern is that ex is almost always high/drunk when my cousin returns their child. On one occasion the door was unsecured and there was a random guy she'd met at the pub asleep on the floor in front of her oldest daughters bedroom (she's mid teens).
My cousins DD (not sure what relation she is to me as I'm not very good with extended family positions) is always dirty, has food embedded in her hair/eyebrows/between her fingers (my cousin collects her just before lunch and the ex only gives her a bottle of milk for breakfast) and has bleeding nappy rash every time he collects her.
The ex has a 'party' lifestyle and refuses to let her children interfere in this - she doesn't care if her children are there or not, she will drink / pop pills / take whatever drugs she can find. Her children are between 5 and 15 and then she has the toddler with my cousin.
Obviously my cousin wants to try and get his daughter living with him full time, but the ex will be very resistant to this as she depends on the welfare payments she gets for the toddler. My cousin has stopped giving her cash as child support (on the advice of his solicitor) and instead provides all the nappies / wipes / formula she needs - this comes to more than his calculated child support payment would be - but she's never in the same brand of nappies my cousin buys so we suspect she returns them for a cash refund, buys cheap ones and uses the difference for drugs. The same with the formula, the open tub on the kitchen counter is never the same brand my cousin provides and uses at his house.
This is the advice I've given my cousin to try to be as well prepared as possible for the inevitable court case - is there anything else he should be doing? (his solicitor is away on medical leave for the next 6 weeks so isn't available for advice)
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Take photos of the condition his DD is in every time he collect her (away from the ex's house so as not to antagonize her) and the condition she's in when he returns her (again away from the ex's house)
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Take his DD to the Dr for advice on her nappy rash every single time, so it can be documented by a medical professional We get it sorted out and 99% cleared up and then she goes back to her mum and comes back later in the week and she's just as bad as the last time he collected her.
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Refuse to return his toddler to the ex if she's still high / drunk and contact his solicitor every time. At the moment he just brings her straight home, works from home for the day and returns her to her mum that evening. The ex is very resistant to her staying another night as that would mean a reduction in her benefits / child support.
Thanks,