STBXH wants 50:50 childcare- he travels a lot

[Pogmella]

Hi, sure this has been done to death but in a bit of a spin.

Husband had an affair and immediately moved in with OW on discovery. This makes things.... tense to say the least.

It's been 3 months. He has DD e.o weekend at his parents house as no room set up at his current house and DD has never met OW. He also does 2 or 3 nursery pick ups and gives her dinner each week.

DD is 2 (today!)

He travels every week for work so some weeks does 3 pick ups, some none.

He's today asked for 50% with 3 overnights a week as well as e.o weekend. DD has never even been to the house so it has freaked me right out.

I know it's not a popular view but I'm not a fan of 50:50. I think I'd like a main base home so that's what I want for DD too.

How likely is it he'd get this? If he's not there to do the childcare himself it seems crazy? Also seems unreasonable for the days to vary weekly?

Around the time he left I experienced suicidal thoughts and he's threatened to say I'm an unfit parent and take her off me completely if I don't agree. I also confronted OW in the street and he's threatening to report me for harassment with the same intent. Can that happen?

I just want to know what is an empty threat and what I should prepare myself for.

Have you got a solicitor? I'm so sorry you are going through this

I wouldn't expect he has even discussed it with ow to tell her she is expected to help out with 50/50 care of a dc she has never met tbh!!
I wouldn't be too concerned..

I have a solicitor I'll be contacting tomorrow. He attended one solicitor appt that his mum arranged a few months ago. I'm just scared he's going to just go ahead with it without prior consent.

No bloody way. If it WAS 50-50 then HE should be having her half the time, not an unknown girlfriend. No way. I'd really fight for this. I don't think 50-50 is right for a 2 year old anyway.

No I did wonder if her age would affect it? Really hoping someone with experience of a similar case might be able to advise a likely outcome as I know what I consider fair and whats legally just might not be the same thing....

I thought courts like to maintain status quo? So if you were the main carer when you were together then you get to continue being it, as that's what court considers to be in the best interest of the child.

Update in case anyone finds themselves in a similar situation:

He can't change anything without me either agreeing or going to mediation then court (which would take a year plus).

My strongest arguement is likely to be due to her age she needs routine which he can't deliver on.

It's irrelevant that he had an affair but he might struggle to show his relationship is stable/permanent as it's so young, which would mean court unlikely to agree she can fulfil care regularly as his proxy.

All the stuff about mental health/we'll get the police on you irrelevant unless they can show any risk to DD.