Disagreement over schools - who gets to decide?

[GoodluckJonathan76]

My ex and I are divorced. We both have parental responsibility and a child arrangements order under which my ex gets them alternate weekends, the usual arrangement. DS1, 9, is applying for secondary schools this year. He is at a state primary and I want him to try the entrance exams for a few private schools are the local state secondary is not very good. My ex is half French but has never lived in France. The boys barely speak French. My ex is obsessed with sending them both to an independent bilingual school and being taught in the French curriculum. I am against this as they barely speak French so it will be a massive struggle to be educated in French, the schools in question are not especially good (not outstanding ofsted and v new/untested) and I don't want to waste mony sending them to a private school unless very good and worth the money (school fees will be a stretch as it is). My ex has told the boys they are going which is making them really upset as they don't idenity as French/ex-pat and don't want to go to a French or bilingual school.

Does anyone know what happens if there is a disagreement over schools? The children live with me so do I get to decide or does my ex also have to agree? Also, some schools ask for both parents to sign the application form. What happens in cases where the parents are separated and there isn't consensus over which school the child is going to?

I don't know the legal answer, but in terms of application, the address which will apply on the application for state school is yours as that is where they live.

This obviously won't apply to private schools.

Is there a bilingual school within accessible distance, or would it be boarding? I wonder if the difference between day and boarding fees might make it a non option?

You could make some discreet enquiries, eg, does the school accept kids with zero French at year 7? If not, then they will not get in, so problem solved. If they do accept them, then they may have a really good system for teaching French to new learners.

leaving secondary school properly bilingual would be amazing, and a great thing to give your kids. Don't think of it only in terms of your ex's heritage, but in terms of giving your kids options.

Do you both need to financial contribute to the fees? If so, then whatever school you choose is going to need to be in agreement otherwise you can't pay for it.

Sounds ridiculous to me. if your sons were fluent and very interested in French then absolutely, consider it.

But to be honest. In this growing and ever changing world, you be better off having them learn Japanese as it's the fastest growing language in the business world. I may be wrong, but as far as I am aware, in the business world, french is very unnecessary.. it's all about the Asian market!

One of you must issue an application in court for a specific issue order. The court will have to decide.

FWIW your case seems strong.

I’m a solicitor, albeit in Scotland, and there would need to be a specific issue order granted. I’ve done one for Catholic v Protestant primary school.