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Mediation unsuitable DV - court??

7 replies

Forwardmove1 · 21/12/2017 13:26

Hi there, I’m a newbie To this site and in desperate need of a little guidance. Long story short, I left my narcissistic abusive ex 2months ago and we have a 4months old son. I got a court order to prevent him from harrasing me or coming by the house. His family have been in contact through my sis in law (agreed intermediaries) and they have been trying to take our son away at the weekends, which we politely declined until something legal was in place but we offered contact at one of our family homes - assuring him it will Be undisturbed and comfortable so that he can bond. Obviously we didn’t state that we wanted this also because we wanted it supervised due to his behaviour. He declined this on the basis he would feel vulnerable- he’s never met my family and they’ve been nothing but polite! Unlike his sister who threatened to have me sorted out - hence going to courts to get an order. We finally agreed that interim contact will be made through a contact centre and he put forward a suggestion of mediation instead of courts. This didn’t come easily as they told us we wasted time going to court for the non molestation order - (basically they haven’t acknowledged that he’s done anything wrong because it didn’t go to a finding of fact hearing) and he lied about everything, including trying to strangle me. I agreed but the mediator has deemed the case unsuitable. Now I’m scared of having to inform them that the mediation was deemed unsuitable and what may happen next. I think I’ll wualify for legal aid but petrified of going t court and the judge issuing overnight orders or something sooner rather than later. My ex is emotionally abusive and has been physically abusive to me and I’m scared that he will harm our son when he can’t cope (he has barely taken care of our son, and the one time he had to stay up all night with him because I slept through 7 alarms from exhaustion he punished me with silent treatment for three days) and the other time he got so angry that the baby wouldn’t settle. I sm very confused as to what u should do, I know the case got deemed unsuitable but should I have pushed for it, in an attempt to get some stuff sorted even though I’m scared and convinced he won’t agree to supervised visits or should I let him take me to a court where again I’m scared of what judge will agree but then maybe I can fight for supervised visits. I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m rambling, but I don’t really have anyone that I can talk to about this. I’ve been deemed high risk by MARAC and referred for CBT to help with the stress. Any help/advice would be sincerely appreciated. If I have to go to court what should I expect? Is there an element of mediation there before a judge decides? Should I apply for a CAO or wait for him to apply

OP posts:
Forwardmove1 · 21/12/2017 13:27

Sorry not as short as I thought xx

OP posts:
Redken24 · 21/12/2017 13:30

Bump

MrsBertBibby · 21/12/2017 15:07

Of course mediation was unsuitable! You should get legal aid if he takes it to court. Have you got a solicitor yet?

He is very unlikely to get overnights in these circumstances. Dont worry the court is there to help. Good luck.

Forwardmove1 · 21/12/2017 17:38

Thank you for responding MrsBertbibby.

I had no idea they had the power to deem it unsuitable. I only went along as ex changed his mind about courts. Now I’m afraid of informing through intermediaries that it was deemed unsuitable.

I spoke to GDASS (domestic abuse support) and they said it’s not place to keep them updated and that if he wants to see our son he should be the one to chase not the other way around.

I have an appointment with a solicitor but not until the 5th Jan. so I’m just panicking about the time passing with zero contact or update.

MrsBertBitty have you ever gone through this? Do you know much about family court? I’m just worried as I don’t know what to expect then xx

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 21/12/2017 18:55

Yes, I'm a family solicitor.

Keep on keeping your baby safe. Report any breaches of the non molestation order to police, no matter how "trivial". You are doing everything right. Keep away from him and his family, let him apply to court, and let the professionals (your solicitor, CAFCASS, the judge) help you.

And have a lovely Christmas with your baby.

Forwardmove1 · 27/12/2017 13:54

Bump

OP posts:
AllIwantforchristmas2017 · 01/01/2018 01:45

The above poster has given you the right advice.
Let him do the leg work and avoid all contact with him.
Seek the legal aid sooner rather than later

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