Child Arrangements question - please help!

[thechickenwhisperer]

Please help if you can!

Ex partner sought a court order last December for holiday time with DD. Court gave me residence, DD (now 8) to spend time with dad during specified periods. Order states specifically that he can take her abroad this Christmas between 26th Dec - 1st Jan. They are going to France. Ex p is now insisting he will take DD from 26th - 3rd, which I don’t agree. He claims the judge “clearly meant 7 nights” (as all his other holidays this year have been 7 nights) but a) he actually wants to take her for 8 nights b) why would he assume that the judge did not mean what she said???

I have tried to be flexible and offered 27th - 3rd, but he is refusing.

Am I within my rights to refuse to let her go without a written undertaking that he will bring her back by 1st as per the order (which he sought!). What would happen if a) he took her away abroad for 8 nights without my consent b) if I refused to let her go for fear he won’t bring her back on time?

Thanks so much, all help gratefully received as I am tearing my hair out!

What is the wording in the order?

Is there any reason why you don't want him to take her for 8 nights? Just let him. Unless there is a real reason why

Why would you deny your dc a holiday for the sake of 1 night?

Sorry to hear this, myself and my ex husband have a court order saying we both get 7 days over the Xmas period. I don’t think he can take her away for longer without your consent. I would state that you don’t give consent for several reasons, 1 the fear of him not returning her and 2 you have plans seens as it’s the Christmas period. Not sure when this was drawn up but I would say if he had a query over the number of nights given for Christmas then he should’ve raised it in the court room, and that he has now had long enough (if this is the case) to make arrangements with the child in the period he has her and/or to ask for extra time which you cannot now honour with such short notice. I would say if she isn’t returned on the said date at such a time then you will go back to court for breaking the court order (you’ll just pay enforcement fees I believe). Which could well jepodise his time with her (not certain on this though but wouldn’t look good on him).
It is tough but I would let him take her so you haven’t broken your order but if he breaks it go back to court for broken order, should say on your order if broken can be a prison sentance (says so or similar on our order).

Wording in order is very specific - 26th Dec - 1st Jan.

UAEmum, I don't trust him with her and really don't want her to be away for two more nights than he is entitled to. He asked the court for this order and is now flouting it!!

Tinselistacky, I can see you have never had to be separated from your child over Christmas. 8 nights is too long. DD is only expecting a shorter holiday, and she goes back to school on 4th - if he takes her for longer i won't really see her. I suggested 27th - morning of 3rd to try to be flexible, but he has refused.

Thanks everyone else.

I think you’ve shown you’re trying to be flexible, which the court would see if you had to go back due to him breaking the order. I agree (my DS is 5) and I’m a bit upset that my ex has him right up to going back to school, I know he’ll be shattered as he is the one night he has him during the week (court didn’t care his teacher had said this and still let him have midweek over night so I get a very tired child back each week). I also understand your concern when it comes to trust, whilst i understand a trip away is nice for the child, I imagine it’ll be stressful for you, I’m waiting for the request next year which I’ll have to honour, but given previous holidays with my ex where he fell asleep ‘watching him’ whilst I was ill in bed, not strapping him into the pushchair for me to come out to a screaming child face down on the floor etc, I am petrified. Hope it works out ok for you.

Judges like people to be reasonable and flexible and adult - your ex would be in technical breach if he took your child for longer, but if he has a good reason to want the extra night (flights and accommodation, perhaps, rather than just being an awkward cuss), the court might wonder why you are objecting. Presumably he has PR.

My understanding is that you can refuse to let her go. He may then take an action against you for breach and you'd need to have an explanation - beyond the technicality of the order - why you would not permit the extra night.

If you have had cafcass involvement, you could call them and see what they say.

PS - not a lawyer, just some experience supporting parents in the family court.