Please help

[Kimberleyt92]

I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years with my children's dad, thanks to the support from woman's aid and managed to escape- this was 3 years ago. However he and I knows I'm still terrified of him, he would turn up at my house demanding to see the children as and when he felt like it. I was still paying his debts up until about 6 months ago. 6 months ago I got a new partner who gave me a whole lease of confidence and said I don't need to put up with him still consuming my whole life no more. So I went to the police and gave evidence to them of every time he has said he's going to stab me and my family, burn my house down etc unfortunately the police weren't interested until he actually does something to hurt me in which case they will put a restraining order on him. I contacted social services who have been done nothing. I have spoken to the court and I am filing for no contact / very minimal supervised contact for him as he is no good for the children. Two weeks ago he was arrested for drug driving, a week before that arrested for threatening to kill an old man. My daughter (3) hates him but my son (5) idolises his because he's been emotionally maniputed by him. He screams and swears and shouts in their faces it's awful. My problem is between now and court he and the police have told me I can't stop contact in the meantime because legally he can just turn up to school and collect them and as he's on the birth certificate there's nothing I can do. Is there anything I can do in the meantime? He will turn up to school when I am there and take them as he knows I'm petrified and I don't know what to do. I get messages all day and night that I have no more rights than him and on Wednesday he will be turning up to the school to collect the children for a couple of hours. Most frustrating thing is it's not even the children he's interested in he does it as a way to get at me, he has 5 children none of which he see's or pays for. He knows my address and he knows the children's school unless I run away which I don't want to move the children schools sorry to rant I just get no support and the police won't listen until I'm on a slab in a morgue. He also lives in a caravan in another county which isn't appropriate for the children and is virtually impossible for him to drop them to school for 8.50 when he lives an hour's drive and if the island he lives on has high tide then your stuck on the island for hours.

Can you call Women's Aid again for advice?
And this probably isn't advisable, but I'd be keeping the children off school on Wednesday.

The police can't tell you what to do re contact - it's not their place at all.

You can (and should) stop contact immediately. Apply to the court for a prohibitive steps order which will prevent him from removing the children from your care or the care of anyone you've entrusted them to (school, nursery, family members etc).

And harrassment that includes threats to kill is very much a police matter. Please put in a complaint and get them to look into it again.

Gazelda is right about women's aid. They were great when my ex was threatening me and tried to kidnap our son. Explain what's happened and they can get the ball rolling as far as getting you in touch with a solicitor and legal aid. You can apply direct to the court for a non-molestation order, you don't need the police for that.

You've had some dreadful advice from too many people so far.

Please contact Womens Aid, as they're is a lot more that can be done to protect you and the children than is currently being claimed.

I would look at getting a non molestation order to prevent him turning up at your house and organising a contact centre to see the kids- then he is getting contact and they will document everything. State that any changes to contact will have to be arranged via the contact centre and provide them with your number for emergencies.

Thank you all very much for your responses.
I'm not concerned about him turning up at my address as he is on bail for threats to kill and I luckily live about a minute away from the police station, they have put a pin on my home so it will be immediate dispatch.
With a non molestation order does that stop him going to the children's school? So basically we would then have no contact unless he took me to court for access? X

Are you in England / Wales?

England x

Then you need to apply to the court for an urgent without notice prohibited steps order saying he can't remove the children, if there are issues about driving and using drugs that will help.

Complete C100 and C1A. Write a statement setting out exactly what you have put here, take the lot to court to issue and ask them to get it in front of the judge immediately.

Also complete form FL401 asking for a non molestation order.

Do you work? If you are on benefit or low wage you can get out of paying the court fee.

You would qualify for legal aid, subject to a means assessment.

Will I need a solicitor or anything? Is it an easy form to fill in? I'm not on benefits but a low wage as working part time and at university too. X

How soon can all this happen? Hopefully before Wednesday :(

Legal aid is available for anyone who needs a non molestation order, subject to making a contribution from income or capital. Although the overwhelming majority of legal aid lawyers seem blithely unaware of the rule, and I am continually referring people to legal aid firms, only for them to come back saying they've been told they aren't eligible.

Once the non mol is in place, then if you are within financial limits, you will get legal aid for the children case.

You need to call a legal aid firm first thing Monday. If you are happy to say whereabouts you are, someone here might be able to suggest someone.

And yes, it could be in place by Wednesday

I'm in Ipswich, Suffolk.
Will they submit all the documents for me or is there anything I need to do myself tomorrow?
Xx

Try Denise Head at Bates Wells & Braithwaite

www.bates-wells.co.uk

If they will sign you up, then yes, they should do all the paperwork.

If they can't/won't help ( or refer you to another firm) then you will need to do the forms yourself, all available on the MoJ website, just Google the form number I gave you.

If you can't get a solicitor direct, you could try NCDV

www.ncdv.org.uk/are-you-suffering-domestic-abuse/how-the-law-can-protect-you/?gclid=Cj0KCQiA6enQBRDUARIsAGs1YQgnAykkUp0CdPKS6_SB4YSMutAwAxC2udz23Fsr4u9vVtUmUKVOu0YaAm8oEALw_wcB

But NCDV will only help with the non molestation order, not the Prohibited Steps order.

Phone Solicitor first thing, and be ready to spend all day on it, it is very time intensive. Sort childcare if you can!

For any of these things Do I need to face my ex in court? Can i represent myself if I fill the forms out myself?
With the prohibited Steps do I send an accompanying letter explaining my reasons why, had a brief look online and not given much space to write my reasons.
To be clear
Non molestation means he can't contact me
Prohibited steps means he can't turn up to school

So the only way he will then legally be able to see the children is if he takes me to court?

Do i have to consult him afterwards if I take the children on holiday? Do i need him to sign passports? I'm so stressed wish I never put him on the birth certificates bit it's hard when your manipulated xx

For pity's sake if you can get LA never represent yourself. He may have to be cross examined, and you're far better off having a lawyer do that for you.

As others have said, you are automatically entitled to LA for the injunction - it's just a question of how much you have to contribute towards that. If you are under the income limit for family legal aid in general the one monthly contribution will cover everything they need to do, including the Children Act application.

Yes, you can represent yourself, but It's a lot easier with s solicitor!

Yes, you will have to go to court together, but your solicitor will do the talking if you have one.

Non mol will specify what he can/can't do. Zero contact is possible. Prohibited Steps again can forbid all sorts but in your case you want him forbidden to remove the children from your care or from school or nursery other than for agreed of ordered contact.

You need a child arrangements order specifying that the children live with you to be able to take the kids abroad on holiday without his say so. You can get a passport without him in any case.

The forms themselves have enough space for brief details. For an urgent application you'll need an accompanying statement of evidence.

Can i also send evidence such as police reports death threats etc?

This is all so helpful thank you I will get on this in the morning

Yes, get together all police reference numbers, and any reports you have.