My 10 yo son is unhappy about going to his dad's. He and his sister spend 2 nights per week on average, and she is happier to go than him.
There was emotional and physical abuse to me. I have a Non-mol which is being contested so I'm having to accept undertakings. He has also broken this a couple of times, but not so seriously to take up. He tells the kids he thinks it is rubbish and I'm mentally unstable. I can see the same control tactics being used on the kids... but am also aware I could be projecting this feelings from my own experiences.
I often get late night texts from my son asking to come home, saying dad is angry, that he's lectured him for a long time about why he doesn't want to spend as much time there, making him feel guilty, refusing for him to contact me or getting angry when he does. Ex-h has taken him to a private mental health assessment without my consent or knowledge, and only shared details afterwards. I now have my son into the CAMHs system and am receiving support from them.
Son has now told his school he is scared after another incident where he felt his dad had snapped and reacted in anger, and I think the school will take this further and suggest an Early Help Assessment.
I'm trying to encourage him to go to his dad's but he often refuses and then goes reluctantly. What can I do now? I know I shouldn't refuse access, and it is important he has a relationship with his dad. No court orders in place at the moment as the divorce is not finalised.
If I do anything now, like try to reduce the number of days, I feel that I'd be putting both my kids and myself at further risk.