Can ex stop me from sending DD to certain school ?

[NancyPiecrust]

Currently in the process of DD's Dad taking me to court for shared care with a child arrangements order - he has historically had periods of not having her overnight or unsupervised due to concerns involving his temper, drug use, mental health & ability to cope appropriately with DD's tantrums & sleepless nights etc. He does have her on a Weds day time and Alternate weekends but not overnights.

She is at nursery 2 days a week which she loves, but he has been controlling using the nursery staff to try and stop me changing her nursery day to suit my work hours - stating she should be with him and not at nursery, even when it doesn't fall on his contact time or affect him or her at all.

He keeps saying we have to decide together which school she will go to next Sept but I currently have no contact with him due to him being abusive to me in the relationship (I left him when DD was 1 due to DV), and more recently hostile, harassing me and controlling, psychologically abusive still. Including in front of DD which is why we don't even see each other for handovers anymore as I didn't want her to have to see that.

He wants her to go to school 2 minutes from his house at his village's school - it is an "Outstanding" Ofsted school and very lovely - small class sizes and forest school, lots of outdoor space etc.
But it is 30 min drive from where she lives with me and I think this is too long of a school run and will affect me being able to work or my parent who live close to us, being able to help me with school pickups.
And not necessary as there is a similar style of school - small class sizes, lovely little village school, forest school & loads of outdoor areas including a heated outdoor swimming pool which parents can take their kids to in the summer holidays too.
It is connected to her nursery as it's 2 min drive from her nursery and 7 min drive from our house. She already will have been to visit it with her nursery, she knows the children in Reception there already as they visit her nursery sometimes, and some of her friends from nursery will go to that school.

That makes sense as her primary school in my eyes for many different reasons & I think the main reason he wants her to go to the one in his village is that he wants to have her more often and be the one to pick her up from school, take her to school etc.
He is asking to have her 5 nights a week on alternate weeks. Which I definitely do not think in any way is in her best interest at all.
Hoping he won't have a chance of getting this in court.

Anyway I have to apply for her school place soon, I have been to see many different schools, including schools near his house & I do think this is the best option. He hasn't been to see any schools except the one in his village & has made up his mind.

Can he really dictate which school she goes to and if I just sign her up for a place at the local school here which has links to her nursery, then will she be "allowed" to go there?

Thanks in advance for any advice !

I think that surely the distance and the fact her main residence is, and always will be- even if her dad wins some overnight stays, with her mum, shows it's not in her best interest to be at a school with no local friends, an hour a day in the car, and near an address where she may not even be staying overnight.

The OP has visited many schools and will have address record of this, has considered reasonably the option of school near ex partner and decides in her dds best interest. I hope she can show in court early this has not been done in an aggressive/negative way.

I woukd be wary of putting 'his' school as a first choice as you are then effectively saying it's okay if she goes there.

I went to appeal (and won) for my dc to go to an outstanding village school, when I live 300m from an "outstanding" village school for various reasons and was offered our village school which I'd put as second choice. I wish I hadn't, as I'd decided by the time it came to place allocation that I really, really didn't want them to go there and we might have been offered a different school instead. All came out in the wash as we won the appeal but otherwise we had to reapply for a school with places.

My word, don't even CONSIDER putting his school down unless you want her to go there. YOU are the resident parent and YOU make the decision. You're the one who has to take her there most of the time. You're the one with the responsibility of choosing. Put down the choices YOU want.

This will not go against you in court. You will not appear unreasonable for putting her needs first.

Please do not pander to him!

Rose "YOU are the resident parent and YOU make the decision".

That's just not true. If both parents have PR, they are both equally entitled to have input into a decision as important as school choice. If Mum doesn't involve Dad in decision-making, or deliberately disregards his views, she may indeed appear unreasonable.

Hmm yes I understand the concept that he needs to be involved in the decision...but we cannot even talk apart from in Shuttle Mediation. I do understand that it's an important decision but at the end of the day the two schools are very similar in style, size, facilitates, both C of E etc. But one it 2 mins from his house (which he moved to purely to try and get shared care of DD) and one is a 7 min drive from my house where DD lives, and it's linked to her nursery, lots of her friend will be going there. To me it's a no brainer. But he's just trying to be difficult and he wants her to come live with him so he'll make his choice base do on that hope. Which won't happen. I hope!

I am going to see the school near him so that I have at least considered it - but 1 hour in the car each day plus full time school is going to be exhausting for DD (and me!) plus it'd be 2 hours in car for me every day as I'd need to go to work which is opposite direction to school and my house !! Not on the way at all. Not sure how else I can include him other than going to see school he suggests.. and considering all options. At the end of the day he won't be the one picking her up or taking her to school except one school pick up per week or every other week.

If you can't reach agreement with him you should apply for a specific issue order to resolve the matter. Based on the information you have posted I would expect the court to find in your favour.

If you've tried mediation in the last 4 months about this, issue a specific issue application ow so the court can sort it out. Get your application in before the deadline.

If you've not done mediation in the last 4 months then get a new MIAM from a mediator then issue in court. There really is no reason to delay.

I am going to swim against the tide a bit. There seems a general view that for a decision like this, you must either agree, or seek a court order, but I don't think that's right here.

The duty in relation with these major decisions is "to both inform and consult the other parent prior to making the decision." And to take the other parent's views into consideration.

Clearly you are the parent whose job it is to get the application in. You have consulted him, you have considered his preference, you have rejected it for valid reasons. I think your job now is to tell him your decision, your reasons, and that if he doesn't like it, he can apply to court himself.

What MrsBertBibby says.

And FGS do not put the ex's preferred school first without a solicitor's advice. And even then.I am not at all sure that woukd ever be a good idea. A 30minute commute is never going to be ideal for a primary aged child.

On this notion that the ex will get shared care if his chils.goes to achool near him...Surely no judge is going to make the CAO solely on the basis of where a child goes to school, especially if there is documented evidence of DV. I think he is totally deluded there.