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Original poster

Which form to appeal against a decree nisi

53 replies

SouthernFriedChickenPlease · 30/10/2017 20:12

Hello,

My brother wants to appeal a Decree Nisi because his ex wife has put lots of lies on the petition and he wants to get it amended.

He has spoken to the court who said he has to fill out form N161. We have downloaded that but can't find any guidance on how to fill it in when it concerns a Nisi? This is making us wonder if it's the right form?

Please could someone point us in the right direction on this?

OP posts:
Original poster
SouthernFriedChickenPlease · 30/10/2017 22:02

I’m going to try and talk to him again. I keep saying to him it’s a waste of time but I guess he’s peeved she’s done that in the statement (it’s in a long line of kicking him in the balls.) To be honest he’s really struggling, his health is not good meaning he’s struggling with work so his finances are suffering. I wish she had just wrote 2 years separation, then no one would have had this stress.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 30/10/2017 22:12

as you have said that she is manipulative, it seems to me that she is doing this as a method of control and a desire to get under his skin.

He does need to rise above it and just get the divorce done.

Original poster
SouthernFriedChickenPlease · 30/10/2017 22:15

Sadly yes this is a rouse to get under his skin - and it’s working. I’ll have a talk with him, no one needs this stress and the sooner he’s shot of her the better.

OP posts:
IrritatedUser1960 · 30/10/2017 22:20

So my ex put a load of lies on his, I don't give a shit.
I just want a divorce and it's not as if it's going to be front page of the Daily Mail. Waste of time and money appealing when it makes not one single jot of difference to who gets what in the divorce.

Original poster
SouthernFriedChickenPlease · 30/10/2017 22:29

Thank you for the helpful replies though. Hopefully I can show him why it’s better to just let the divorce go through and then maybe he can finally move on.

OP posts:
ilovewelshrarebit123 · 30/10/2017 22:29

My ex wrote three pages of utter shit on his divorce papers. So many lies about me that I was heartbroken about, my best friend sobbed when she read what he'd put.

I had a solicitor friend who read it and said the judge would think he was mad as all he had to do was write a few lines of why we couldn't be married anymore.

I wanted to counter it but the solicitor said we were getting divorced anyway, and only me, him and the judge would see the shit he'd written.

He spoke sense really, it doesn't really matter what the idiot said about me, I didn't want to be married to him, so I let it go to the judge and it was stamped all ok.

It's never been mentioned since and I got a divorce that he had to pay for. I'd tell your brother to let it lie and get on with finalising things.

Original poster
SouthernFriedChickenPlease · 30/10/2017 22:32

I think his main worry is their dd might read it when she is older. I said she will know it’s lies because that’s not what he is like and she will see that but it’s still worrying him though.

OP posts:
Poshindevon · 30/10/2017 23:26

I think his main worry is their dd might read it when she is older. I said she will know it’s lies because that’s not what he is like and she will see that but it’s still worrying him though
SoutherFriedChickenPlease Where is his DD daughter going to read the contents of a divorce petition unless her father has kept a copy to show her? You claim to be divorced so you should know that only the solicitor/court has the grounds of divorce.
This is utter nonsense your brother needs to grow up and let the divorce proceed.

Lunde · 31/10/2017 00:12

He needs to let this go and let the divorce go through. None of the details in the petition appear on the final decree absolute so noone else ever needs to know what was written there.

If he really wants to wade in and engage with the process at this very late stage he needs to get himself into gear. Of course her solicitor is not going to answer questions from the opposite party. If he wants his questions answered he will need to hire his own solicitor and pay £100s/possibly £1000s for the answers and to get these amendments made - it could be pricey if his ex contests the amendments.

Original poster
SouthernFriedChickenPlease · 31/10/2017 07:30

Posh, I think he’s worries she has a copy etc and will show their dd. I said to him even if she does it doesn’t matter and my niece will think what she is going to think and he can deal with that at the time.

Lunde, as I said he wasn’t asking her solicitor legal advice, he was responding to her solicitor like a solicitor would acting on his behalf but got ignored. I can see why he was ignored now because as soon as he got the petition through he contacted her solicitor to get him to ask why it wasn’t put as the 2 year split as agreed. He got ignored because obviously her solicitor then advised her that she could go ahead with the petition through the court because his emails show he’s acknowledged the petition. My brother even said he would pay for the amendment. I wonder if her solicitor would have ignored a solicitor acting on his behalf in the same way. I guess we will never know. So no one has been asking for free legal advice.

OP posts:
sandgrown · 31/10/2017 07:40

Many years ago my husband ,who was having an affair with my BF, divorced me for my unreasonable behaviour! I was told to let it go but it did affect me emotionally at the time. I am sure it also affected the financial settlement and I was told at a later date I should not have accepted it. I think divorce proceedings have changed now though.

BlueUggs · 31/10/2017 07:45

No one sees the reasons the divorce was granted. My exh wrote a complete load of twaddle but I didn’t care as I was getting out!!

Original poster
SouthernFriedChickenPlease · 31/10/2017 07:51

Just so I can let him know and drum it in to him, her solicitor would have had a copy of the petition but not her personally? If she had one she could make a photocopy? I know this sounds all odd but when you have someone who at the moment is feeling very vulnerable about it all I just want to cover all angles to him. I know in years to come he won’t give a toss, none of us divorcees do really but at the moment it’s getting to him.

OP posts:
babybarrister · 31/10/2017 08:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Poshindevon · 31/10/2017 12:13

Your sister in law will not have a copy of the petition. Your brother on the other hand has his copy because he never submitted it.
Did your brother think that by going the 2 year seperation route no reasons for the divorce would be given on the petition because if so he is incorrect.
His wifes solicitor is under no obligation to correspond or contact your brother as it would be a conflict of interest. The solicitor can only correspond with another solicitor. If your brother had botherd to take advice he would have known this.

MyKingdomForBrie · 31/10/2017 12:32

Don’t know why everyone is being so vicious ‘if your brother had bothered to get advice’ etc. She’s said he’s miserable and in ill health so I hardly think he ‘hasn’t bothered’ - some of you just can’t get past ‘has a penis, must be at fault’.

OP just read him some of the (nice!) comments here about why he shouldn’t bother, and emphasise that he will not win on an appeal - he just won’t. The court doesn’t care about the veracity of the reasons because it’s just not relevant to anything.

Original poster
SouthernFriedChickenPlease · 31/10/2017 13:43

Thank you mykingdomforbrie. I have taken some notes from the advice on this thread which I will go through with him later. I think he will take notice when it’s explained in layman’s terms. He isn’t in the best of health and this really is from a long line of kicking him in the balls. People have to remember when you haven’t been through a divorce before all the jargon language can be quite daunting, especially if you’re struggling anyway. I only know some knowledge having been through my own divorce and I’ve just finished paying mine which took me 2 years to pay off!

Thank you for the more helpful comments, I have taken them away.

OP posts:
WitchesHatRim · 31/10/2017 13:49

The best advice I was ever given is it's not an advert for spouse of the year.

You need to get your DBro to let it go, as hard as that is.

Poshindevon · 31/10/2017 15:55

mykingdomforbrie no one is being vicious and this has nothing to do it with him having a penis. No one said it was his fault.
The brother should have taken advice at outset instead of trying to be Rumpole of the Bailey when he had no idea what he was doing. He is making himself ill by stressing over nonsense.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 31/10/2017 16:36

Honestly I wrote an essay on my petition only to get ‘beaten’ by my ex who got in their first. I could have contested it but what would have been the point? I was keen to get divorced from the vile man so it would have wracked up court costs and delayed things. He needs to let this go. If he feels that vehemently about it he could maybe write a letter to his ex-wife’s solicitors stating his objections so it’s on file but he won’t win an appeal, it just looks as though he’s trying to stop the divorce.

BoneyBackJefferson · 31/10/2017 21:37

IMO no -one has been vicious, it should be easy for anyone that has been through this to empathise with his situation.

It is hard emotionally difficult enough to get divorced without having to read lies about yourself.

HeebieJeebies456 · 02/11/2017 03:45

It might be worth getting some free legal advice on this instead of him continuing to bury his head in the sand.
He might also want to look at getting some sort of 'clean break' financial order..........otherwise she may well come after him for whatever money/assets/pension he has - even if it's 20+ years down the line......

WellThisIsShit · 02/11/2017 04:20

All sounds very stressful. Obviously he should have got legal advice at the start of the process rather than at the end, but he can’t go back in time now.

So he needs to focus of what to do now. With minimal chance of any success and with all the extra fees, does he still want to appeal? He’ll have to face ‘losing’ or the judge criticising for wasting time and resources... all in the presence of his stbxw. Does he think he can cope with that? Personally I think that could be soul destroying.

He needs advice about this ‘clean break’ finances stuff, so he knows what to do, and when.

Good luck to him. I haven’t started divorce precedings myself, as I’m concerned about engaging with stbxh again, as he doesn’t know where we live (with good reason). But when I feel strong enough, it’s clear that I’ll be getting legal advice before doing anything!

Good luck to your brother.

LadyB49 · 02/11/2017 04:31

I think brother because of being ill has got this particular issue into his head and is possibly just unable to see beyond it. He may through no fault of his own be able to see this in a rational way.

oldSis · 12/05/2018 20:10

Of course everyone presupposes that this is the only thing; Divorce.

But what would be your advice, if the wife also waded in with lies about 'assault' and/or 'rape,' which took this across into the Criminal Court, and possibly put him, unnecessarily into jail?

Where money is involved, there can be far worse things than divorce.

A man without a solicitor or barrister, is at a desperately serious disadvantage.. especially currently in the criminal courts in the UK, with a Barrister's strike against the Legal Aid Fees, (still in theory, available for criminal court) and a solicitors recommendation to avoid any criminal cases where there may not be a barrister to operate.

What is your advice, in respect of opposing a divorce, whose claims can then be quoted - damagingly, as in this case - in the criminal court in such a case?

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