Change of residence

[Coulditbeme]

My partner has a 1 year old son with his ex girlfriend.
Currently a child arrangement order is in place saying the child lives with mum and has contact with dad.
His ex suffers with mental health, is under a care plan with social services and has a chaotic, unstable home life.
A few days ago she attempted suicide for the 4th time and was taken to hospital.
Following this, upsetting details have emerged from social services about her life at home where she lives with his son that we weren't aware of previously and has led us to seek legal advice about an emergency change of residence to have the child live with us.
Mum would be very much opposed to this. We know as she has sent recent texts saying if we take the child it will be the end of her etc.
She doesn't seem to realise that we aren't doing this to hurt her or doing it lightly. It is a consequence of her choices and actions that we are desperately worried for the child's safety and believe that the child would be better off living with us in our stable relationship and home, and having contact with his mum.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has been here, applying for residence against the wishes of an ex, was the outcome successful and how long did the process take?

Don’t rise to it OP - you obviously don’t realise that as man in a new relationship with a child your DH has absolutely no right to a loving partner who isn’t the mother of the child. That all mothers are saintly and all fathers are utter bastards who have deliberately left their children to rot in hell and wish to have nothing to do with them..

Back on planet earth of course it’s not practical for you to split up - your partner to lose his job and for you to double the cost of accommodation by renting a place near his mother.

Collaborate is spot on. (As ever)
4 times is too many. The mother is not parenting as she should. Not her ‘fault’ but that isn’t the issue the child’s welfare is. I would crack on with the emergency application. If nothing else apply for temp residence. Give mum time and opportunity to get better.
If she does improve and he does go back to live with her, your OH needs to step the contact up. EOW as a minimum. He can find a Airbnb for £30 in most towns. Even if it’s only one night. Improvement on once a month. Good luck.

Thankyou kittensinmydinner for your understanding post.
Some previous posts have contained messages that were upsetting to read.
Not that I expect everyone to agree with me all the time but he has certainly not abandoned his child, he is doing the very best he can and is extremely worried.
Of course I realise that once a month is not good at all for him or the baby and we wish the distance were not so great.
I don't want to put identifiable info on here but suffice to say it costs him / us around £200 a month to go and see his child including travel and accommodation and his job is not well paid.
It just isn't feasible to go more frequently. We wish it was!
Additionally, work are very good at allowing him to swap his shifts around once a month but he wouldn't be able to do it fortnightly.
Application has now been submitted and we are wondering when we will hear back and worrying what the repercussions may be.
This is an absolute last resort but we feel we had no choice.

How long have you been a couple?

She left him whilst she was pregnant. She had been seeing someone else for some time and there was doubt over who the father was, this has since been confirmed though. We have been together for 15 months.

Good luck with the application.

I know of a couple where this happened. Similar situation from sound of things. The emergency recident fell in dads favour and child then 2 went to dad. Mum got support with her issues and ovee the next three years they slowly moved towards a point where they now have a 50 50 ish situation. Mum moved closer to dad when she was better and they are now co parenting well. Mother said to me at the tine she wanted to kill x his new partner and herself. Now she sees her child needed it to happen and knows it was for the best. However this is 6 or 7 years down the line and someone who did a lot of therapy tp understand herself and who was supported to move on by family and friends

Who is looking after the baby now? And will they (grandparents or other family maybe) have a claim for residency?

I'm very surprised that children's services haven't made alternative residence arrangements for the child already, via child protection proceedings.

In my area, they often do this at a first suicide attempt, definitely after a second.

Littlehandcuffs, mum was released from hospital the same day as her suicide attempt and child sent home with her!
Grandparents looked after the child for the day whilst she was admitted but child was sent home with mum when mum was discharged.
I wouldn't have thought the grandparents would have a claim for residence whilst there is a father capable and willing to have the child.

Or would they?? I don't know so someone could possibly correct me if this is the case.

Lakielady, social services have not kept the father informed of various events which have come to light now.
They have been involved for some time but, despite concerns, they appear to have seen fit to return the child to mum thus far.
Application for residence has been sent and we are worried sick!
Just waiting to hear back.

Well, it seems despite all the above details the court does not recognise this as an emergency application 😡
Been given a hearing date for the standard time 6-8 weeks away.
Seems this does not meet emergency criteria.
I’d like to know what does??

That's standard I had to wait same time, only if people are removing kids from country are urgent.

I will be straight with you, your partner will more than likely not get residency. Mum yes has mental health issues and probably PND. Child is very young mum is primary carer it would be distressing for such a young child to be separated from primary carer. Mum has family support near her ie good support network, she is more than likely getting support for her mental health issues. Sucide attempts well I have made 2 myself it happens you can have relapses even when you are getting counceling etc. But it doesn't make her a bad parent or a dangerous one. I am surprised social services have contacted you, perhaps different areas different procedures. My own experience this is what happened at court I got residency ex got 6 hours a week. FWIW we were married and had been together quite a long time the reason I mention this is because our children knew him as dad and he had lived with us. Caffcass WILL act in the interests of the child nothing else.
I know you both think what you are doing is right and its good that you want to help. However you may create a lot of hostility both now and in the future and to be fair the grandparents would possibily be the best option if the child needed to be apart from mum for a short time, as they live close by and probably are a big thing in the childs world and could maintain a regular daily visit, Your partner isn't around him a great deal and you live very far away.

I think your partner is going to have to engage with the mum or her parents perhaps to offer help in some way, does your partners parents have any involvement with the child or live near the child?
Also yes the grandparents could get leave to apply to the courts themselves. I personaly know two who got residency of their grandchildren.
I think you and your partner should not take her to court its really stressful for everyone. I feel he should really think about if he wants to be a part of his childs life more he needs to learn to drive or move closer.
Best wishes to you all and I want you to know I admire you for even willing to take on someone elses child because a lot of the day to day stuff would be down to you.

Olivia has it right.
How long term and stable can your relationship possibly be when he has a one year old baby with someone else?
Maybe you could both move close to her so that he can help support her and the baby.

Oldstudentmum, Thankyou for your insightful post. I do understand what you are saying. I wish we were closer, I really do. Unfortunately it isn’t possible for us to move closer as I have a child arrangement order for my child from a previous relationship so us moving so far away would create another set of problems with regards to contact between my ex and child. I wouldn’t be allowed to do it.

We think that we can offer my partner’s child the most safe & stable life going forward and thought it best to act now, thinking it better to do so whilst the child is so young, as it would be more disruptive once the child goes to school and of course, the risk of the child being damaged by the current situation at home would be increased the longer time goes by.

We are just so worried and would not be able to forgive ourselves if something else happened and we had not intervened.
If the court decides that baby should stay with mum then at least we will know that we did everything we could.

Could your partner do an intensive driving course now so that he could visit his son more frequently? It might help strengthen the bond for his DC.

Pragmaticwench, his job is minimum wage and only part time. He can’t work full time as he needs to work his shifts around seeing his child every month. If he were to work full time he would only have annual leave to use which wouldn’t be enough.
Money is an issue. He currently spends over half his monthly wage on travel and accommodation.

If he were to do an intense driving course then he’d have the licence but we wouldn’t be able to afford a car for him to use.

It’s awful being so far away.

One year relationship and PT NMW is not what the courts will mean by the father being in a "stable, secure" situation. Six to eight weeks to optimise everything may be a gift.

What do you mean by your last sentence, battleax?
She left him a couple of years ago when she was pregnant and she couldn’t have been clearer that she didn’t want to carry the relationship on.
We met shortly afterwards. We both feel that we have now found our forever partner and are planning to get married. Our home life is very calm and stable.
I work full time, and I’ve already stated the reason he only works part time.
Would working part time not be a good thing if he had residence in that he would be around more to take care of the child?

Well for example, if you're living in a house that's in your name, I'd think about getting it put into both names. Maybe making the engagement official. Those kinds of things.

You need to be thorough and realistic about how things might be viewed from the outside. A year isn't a long relationship.

We are on the same wait time for an emergency order. This is week 7. Fortunately the kids are in our care but the relentless contact from solicitors and mum is taking its toll.

With regards to your solicitor, if you can’t afford one continuously, have a look at McKenzie Friends. They’re not all good and you need to do your homework, as Pretty much anyone can call themselves one. But many are brilliant and much cheaper than a solicitor.