My ex is trying to take our daughter

[AllyBally99]

Hi

I'm new here and in desperate need of advice. My ex and I have been divorced for almost 3 years now (separated for 5) and we have a 7 year old daughter together who lives with me and she sees her dad every weekend - either Friday or Saturday night sometimes both if her father wants to.

We don't have anything official in place regarding residency and he decided to move 20 miles away - all well and good.

However I've had a new partner for nearly 5 years now and we don't live together yet. There will come a time in the not too distant future that we will be moving in together and I would move in with him as he has two children from his previous marriage too - one of whom has special needs. We won't be moving any further geographically - in fact it's probably closer as the crow flies but my ex doesn't like the town we'd be moving to.

My ex husband has now started to tell me that our daughter won't be going to a school in the town where I will be moving to and she can make up her own mind who she wants to live with.

Her dad is very good at splashing the cash and will easily turn her head with promises of x, y and z so feel that on that basis alone (we all know how fickle children can be!) I fear that she will choose to live with him not understanding the ramifications.

I can't afford a prolonged legal battle as I feel that my ex is only saying these things to exert further control over me - he certainly gave our daughter no thought when he was cheating on me and gave zero thought to the consequences of family breakup if he were to be found out.

I'm trying to build a life for us but he is picking fault at every single little thing I do. My daughter seems to spend most of her time with his girlfriend anyway, which is great as she likes her but then he turns round and tries to tell me that I don't do enough on my own with my daughter as I go to visit my partner at the weekend and take my daughter if she's not with her dad - she loves going to see my partner and his children although she tells her dad she's not that bothered as she doesn't want to upset him as she knows he "hates" him - her words - not mine!

Does anyone have any advice for me - I have a constant knot in my stomach over all this and only want what's best for my daughter.

Thank you very much

He hates the fact that another man is involved in mine and my daughter's life

You have had this partner for 5 years. Up until this point you said all has been fine.

Now you are moving your daughter in with this man. That’s a big step. So could it just possibly be that he is disturbed about this next step rather than having anything to do with your relationship with another man, seeing as that’s been going on with for 5 years?

You must have a stupendously low opinion if men in general, Wishing, if you think a man (already in a new cohabiting relationship himself) needs patience and understanding for reacting to news of his ex's 5 year relationship moving towards cohabitation by proscribing a whole town and every school therein.

Most men aren't emotionally illiterate knuckle-daggers, you know.

not quite - he's never been happy I'd found someone else despite him moving in with someone lickety split after we separated - so it ok for him to feel upset and make trouble for me instead of accepting that things have changed and this is what happens when people split up, get divorced and move on where there are kids involved? I'm happy he's got someone else, I really am and I've told him this - but he can't be happy for me?

he's gradually got worse as the years have gone on - I've not even told him I'm moving in as my DP and I haven't discussed it properly - he's just assuming and telling me oh btw when the time comes, I'm going to put a spanner in the works and not let you do x, y and zand thinking that he's so clever.

Anyway - thanks all for the advice so far. I now know much more about mediation, arrangements and what a court will take into account.

I've got an arse ex like yours.
He's currently punishing me for moving by not paying maintenance. I don't engage. I'm letting the courts do it (taking ages).

Get him out your head. Stop caring about him. Don't reply to him. Get on with your life and make the decisions you need to make for your well being, your health and ultimately therefore the health and well being of your daughter.

He's all mouth. He won't want the limitation of life with a 7 year old.

IF he really wants this that much, then let him get the court papers, let him get a solicitor.

You just get on with your life.

Perhaps try freedom program by women's aid.

I suggest you initiate getting residency sorted via the legal asap.....currently, despite her living with you, he could easily refuse to return her after contact - and YOU would have to go to court to get him to return her.