A question regarding contact.. Is my Bro asking for too much.

[Mum2oneds]

OK so my brother sees his dc Fri - sat fortnightly for bag on 24hrs. This is all her ex will allow as she says her time with their dc is precious. He got this via mediation which was a struggle as she didn't want to let go of the apron strings for overnight.. However the mediator said that was unreasonable. Within two weeks she tried to change arrangements. When Bro said he couldn't due to oreviookans for Taking his dc somewhere.. She replied well me disinterested legally binding.
It settled for a bit but everytime he asked for extra it was no. Managed 2 nights in the holidays
He's got to the point of going in circles with mediation as she says yes then goes back on it. Examples dc can't go as has a cold. Dc can't has a cough.. Etc. Then his dc comes out with stuff like my mum's says.. Jo (Bros gf) will hurt me if she brushes my hair and washes it. Just random stuff.
So he's filed for a court order to set proper days and times.
His dc is 5.5

He would like 2 nights a fortnight ( one whole weekend per fortnight) Fri eve from whatever time suits the mother to sun eve. and half of all school holidays. To be set In advance at beginning of year and alternative Xmas eve to Xmas day eve or Xmas day eve to boxing day eve.. And visa versa each yes equal.. Her response is over her dead body will her dc wake at my Bros house on Xmas day! Or max 2 nights in holidays once a yr.

He also occasionally gets caught up at work so rarely tbh but would mean either MIL or his gf would also pick the dc up. It would be rarely but would give the ex notice.

There are no safeguarding issues at my Bro s. He's always turned up in time. Return on time. Paid maintenance on time etc. And tbh he's an amazing dad .. More than I can say for my sons dad..

Just wondering if he would be seen as asking for too much or is that a reasonable amount
So fortnight weekend 2 nights
Alternative Xmas or boxing day
Half of school holidays

He wouldn't ask to have the dc on a weekday but due to distance to school it wouldn't be fair in his dc as would have to get up early and if he paid for an after school club till pick up he wouldn't make it in time before it closes.

Previous bookings even. God knows what that was lol

mediation is not legally binding even
Blooming phone

Very reasonable.
It would actually be reasonable for him to ask for 50/50.
You're not talking about a baby there but a school age child.

YY lawyer first and Courts if she really doesn't want to move.

A very typical contact set up (where no abuse, health or neglect concerns and the child has a longstanding relationship with the father) is every other weekend (2 nights) one night in the week (after school/club to school drop off next day) and half holidays with alternating special occasions (Christmas, birthday, any other festive occasions)
She sounds controlling and unreasonable and she probably won’t win in court.

If he goes to court they will see she's being unreasonable. He'll get more. Trust me.

Sounds standard.

In a non horrible way he doesn't want a weeknight on a school night as it would be too much for his dc. As I said he wouldn't make 6pm for after school club. He gets home 7_8pm so toon late for his poor dc as wouldn't get back till after bedtime

I didn't think it was unreasonable tbh just wanted to check so thank you for replying x

Sounds less than standard - usually there is also one tea mid week too.

You say your brother doesn't want a weeknight as he gets home after 7pm... Perhaps he should adjust his work schedule to accommodate. I am sure the child's mother has to work around school pick up/drop offs. Why should he be requesting the weekends and holidays only and avoid times that are inconvenient to him and allowing him the luxury of having a career?

He has tried to change work hours and they have said no. He's tried many times. Unfortunately some companies are like that.
And also his dc would have to leave at 7am for sch where as at home his dc leaves 8.30 so means his dc would have less sleep etc. And travelling would be too much for one night. His mum does a lunchtime assistant job at the sch so fits around sch runs.

I have some sympathy, but as a lone parent i have had no option but to change my job to fit in with the children. I work full time.

He could take them out for tea somewhere local to their Mums house? Or just for pudding or a drink to spend an hour together? As they get older they can stay up later and eventually stay overnight...

Ah that's a good idea :) . He could suggest that.. Don't hold out much hope For a 5.5 yr old to be going out at 7pm.. But you never know it may happen I'll let him know

The mom has no choice but to find a job that fits around school pick up / drop offs. Because that's what we do!. Take lower paid jobs, work less hours for our children whilst absent fathers are able to pursue their careers and increase their earning potential.

It she same with my ex. Went off to follow his dreams and work away all week in his dream
Job whilst i sacrifice any kind of life during the week as I do nothing but juggle work and school. He then gets the hassle free time of a weekend, no need to worry about an over tired child, cooking meals, sorting out uniforms, parents evening, the list is endless. Yet he gets to play Disney dad of a weekend .

With rights come responsibilities!

Believe me I know that feeling as I was a single mum for 7 yrs. I had to stop my well paid career for a dead end sch hour job. Same as his new gf. That's life it's what us mums do.. And know what u mean about tired kids lol.
Believe me when I say he has tried to change hours and offered to work t he opposite weekends so can finish early but they've said no.
But I will sat about an eve for tea maybe of he's allowed
He may.. Only may have a transfer closer to home in the new yr.. But that's only about 70% chance... The he'd be finished at 4.30 so he could pay for after school club then pick up.. It would just leave the having his dc cope with 7am leave for sch rather than 8.30.. Which then potentially would mean the mum would have a more tired grumpy dc the following night. But maybe they could work something around that

Depends what time she usually goes to bed I guess. He does need to have it in there even if it's a case of him using paid childcare or family member in the short term.

He doesn't want to keep going to court and if family were able to do mid week contact then that would mean they regularly get to see her without it impacting on the EOW. Alternatively something like EOW plus a Friday overnight until Sat lunch or a Sunday afternoon? Not ideal tbh as Mum deserves a weekend with DD too.

Yeah that's what I said alternative weekends so they have 1 each. The dc goes to bed generally 7.30.. So would have to be discussed as he wouldn't want the dc out of routine as that is cruel.. All family members live nr us so still a travel.. The dcs mum moved away. I could pick the dc up as I do. Sch hours 3 days a week. Or Brothers gf could but his ex wouldn't allow it. Plus Im pregnant so wouldn't be long term because of baby and my own sons after sch activities it wouldn't work

I think the whole thing is silly tbh. My son goes to his dad's fortnightly.. Plus holidays when his dad has annual leave. Some. Yrs may be longer. Depends on what he's doing.. My DS is older so decides himself on Xmas etc. He's always with me new yr as his dad goes out.. It doesn't bother me.. I'm. Just greatful that he gets time with his dad and happy

Wish all ex's like my bros ex could just be more. Reasonable.. Unless they have good reason not to be..

Last yr my Bro even said I'd like to take dc to Disney World.. She said we'll yeah.. But keep it a secret. Three days before she said no she wanted to be the first to do a big holiday with the dc like that. She could of said that in the beginning.. And took the dc away somewhere in this counrty but made sure she wasn't there..
He has all the evidence of this too if the court want it... Not sure they ask. For stuff like that.?
Roll on November 8th.. And hopefully fair out come all round. For both of them and their dc

The fact that Ex doesn't want his GF to do it is tough!!! It's about his DD right to have a relationship with her Dad. The other option is he could FaceTime or Skype or at least call her when he finishes work at 6pm instead. Again court ordered - that's early enough to not interfere with bedtime and she should be home from any after school activities.

It sounds like it needs to be written in that if/when is working hours change that mid week evening contact is to be reviewed and also that she is prevented from moving even further away from him!

She is seeming very obstructive about everything. He needs his holidays with her confirmed and for there to be permission for her to be taken abroad/where he likes etc. if she withholds passport he can go to court for that too.

Grrrrr makes me mad!

Every other weekend and half the holidays or holiday contact time is standard.

Teatime midweek is not standard but sometimes is granted if it works in the context of where people live/work and bedtimes etc.

I would definitely be making sure the alternate Christmases becomes part of an actual order.

It is also worth thinking about whether they want to agree in advance what happens in the weekend is mother's day/father's day/parent's birthday etc - will they swap or just take it on the chin? It is best to start off with an actual idea rather than be disappointed or arguing these points later.

Thanks. I don't think he'd of thought about mothers and fathers day. But that's a good idea to do swaps if opposite. I'll let him know