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Legal matters

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Original poster

Child Arrangement Order- notice of proceedings

24 replies

Movingon1611 · 28/09/2017 18:26

Also posted in legal.

My ex has applied for a child arrangement order. I received the letter today.
I don’t really understand what I’m supposed to do now and can’t afford a solicitor- all my savings have gone on divorcing him. I have nothing money wise left.

He assaulted me last month which I reported to the police, unfortunately he wasn’t charged. Social services were then involved and said he’d have to apply for access.
The kids want to see him so I won’t contest the order but I do have massive concerns.
He doesn’t have his own house, he lives in a houseshare so can’t have the kids overnight. We need a 3rd party to facilitate access but have no family nearby and my friends all have their own lives and families and his friends all hate me because they believe his story that I made it all up.
He’s been diagnosed with depression but hasn’t been taking his medication properly.

I want what’s best for my kids. They’ve seen and heard some awful things. I’ve no idea how to proceed with this though

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 28/09/2017 18:38

You need to send the court the acknowledgement form, and should complete a form C1A to set out details of his violence and everything you are worried about. Send 7 copies to court and keep 1 for you.

Talk to the CAFCASS officer when they call, explain your worries, they will help you with practical arrangements to make contact work, if they think it should happen.

Listen to their advice, be truthful, keep the kids at the forefront of your mind and you should be fine.

Good luck!

Original poster

Movingon1611 · 28/09/2017 19:08

Thank you

Do I really need to send 7 copies?

In the acknowledgement letter it asks if I wish to file an order- I don’t know if I do or what it would be

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 28/09/2017 19:29

Yep. ONE for each magistrate (3) one for their legal adviser, one for CAFCASS one for each of you.

Original poster

Movingon1611 · 28/09/2017 19:35

Ok thank you for explaining.

Do I need to do anything else?

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 28/09/2017 19:44

That should cover it.

Try not to worry.

Original poster

Movingon1611 · 28/09/2017 20:05

Thanks again

Do you happen to know if CAFCASS will want to see the report from social services? The social worker remarked how exh had no understanding into the harm he’d caused to the kids which I think is pertinent

OP posts:

AliceTown · 28/09/2017 20:37

CAFCASS will contact both the police and children’s services to find out what is on file.

MrsBertBibby · 28/09/2017 20:52

Yes they will. When they call you, offer to scan and email it if SS haven't already made it available.

Original poster

Movingon1611 · 28/09/2017 21:00

There is a discrepancy in the report to what I said re 3rd party facilitating access- the report states I agreed to it when in fact I said it’s the only option but I don’t know how we’d do it as there isn’t anyone
Should I ask social services to change it to reflect what I said? I only received the report yesterday so it’s not like I’ve sat on it or anything

OP posts:

wineandworkout · 28/09/2017 21:07

I'm in a similar position but I have a solicitor. Do form c1a. If you're not contesting his request it should be straightforward... but why aren't you contesting, given he assaulted you? I w9nder if you're still in his 'grip' - I was, for a long time. Could family lend you money? For comparison, I've been through 2 hearings and have spent about £2.5k on legal fees so far. More if there is a third hearing - the courts do no more than 3 hearings in these cases. Good luck ❤

Original poster

Movingon1611 · 28/09/2017 21:29

The kids want to see him so as long as that’s the case then I’ll do all I can to make it happen for them. I think it should be supervised though to begin with- as I said he hasn’t got a home to take them to so where else are they going to go? I also think he should have to prove he’s taking his medication properly.
I am in his “grip” I know I am. I feel guilty, I miss him at times, but it’s pointless- he doesn’t even acknowledge what he did to me, I miss a man that doesn’t exist anymore!

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 28/09/2017 21:31

No don't ask them to amend. And it isn't a discrepancy. You would agree.

Original poster

Movingon1611 · 28/09/2017 21:40

I would agree if there was someone but there isn’t so how does that get known?

Sorry for all the questions, I’m so worried I’m going to get something wrong

OP posts:

wineandworkout · 28/09/2017 21:51

I think you need to work out exactly what you want. You say you're happy for the children to see him (are you absolutely sure that's best for them long term) but also that you want him to take his meds. At the first hearing you could request that he produces a letter from his gp confirming his diagnosis and that he is taking meds, going for regular check ups etc. Bear in mind that supervised visits are (I thimk) temporary so if you agreed to that he would eventually (like 6 months later) be seeing them alone.

Original poster

Movingon1611 · 28/09/2017 22:05

if it was down to me then no, they wouldn’t see him. He’s an angry, selfish, aggressive man who manipulates, lies and bullies people. He should be taking his meds’ properly- as far as I’m aware he’s not seen a dr since this time last year. Since he met his girlfriend though he’s not been taking them whenever he’s with her so between 2 and 4 days a week because he doesn’t want her to know.

If he’s going to have the kids by himself then, given his history of threatening suicide etc it’s surely in the kids best interests for him to have proven he’s taking them as prescribed
If he can’t prove that then that’s why the contact should be supervised in my opinion but I don’t know if that’s something a judge would agree with?

OP posts:

titchy · 28/09/2017 22:12

A contact centre could provide supervision, and if in time he was deemed able to have them unsupervised they could also facilitate handovers.

MrsBertBibby · 28/09/2017 22:16

I think you need to find a position that recognises your children's wishes but also is mindful of their emotional wellbeing.

Original poster

Movingon1611 · 28/09/2017 22:32

That’s all I want Bert. For the kids to be safe, for them to know they’re safe but for as long as they want to, to be able to see their dad

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 28/09/2017 23:08

Well then that's exactly what you need to say.

wineandworkout · 29/09/2017 12:01

From what you've said, it sounds like you should be contesting the order ... the worst that could happen is that he gets his way, which he'll get anyway if you don't contest. And I worry that the court and CAFCASS won't take your concerns about abuse and instability/irresponsibility seriously if you don't contest. It might be worth getting advice from somewhere like Women's Aid (www.womensaid.org.uk) - they must be well used to dealing with victims of domestic violence who can't afford legal fees, and will be able to advise you.

Original poster

Movingon1611 · 29/09/2017 13:36

Have spoken to the legal advice line on rights for women. The lady I spoke to said I should contest the order because he hasn’t set out what he actually wants.
She also said I should apply for a child arrangements order too to set out residency

OP posts:

MyDcAreMarvel · 29/09/2017 13:40

Are you not entitled to legal aid as there has been DV?

fishchipspeasandgravy · 29/09/2017 13:42

You may be entitled to legal aid having been the victim of domestic abuse. Speak to a family law solicitor

Original poster

Movingon1611 · 29/09/2017 14:23

I filled out a form on the gov.uk website which said I may be entitled to legal aid- someone is ringing me at 4 today

OP posts:

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