Child arrangements order - any way of challenging EOW contact?

[Goodluckjonathan76]

I am guessing the answer is no but wanted to check.

I have 2 DSs, 9 and 7. Their dad and I split when they were 1 and 3 after a horribly acrimonious relationship and split with him moving to the US having an affair etc. Kids have lived with me ever since and we had a routine of them spending Sundays with their dad and him dropping by to see them in the week whenever he felt like it. Ex was never an involved dad and kids objected to spending any more than a few hours with him,

This continued until last year when my ex started to push to see the boys more, which i facilitated, and has culminated in a child arrangements order which basically amounts to him having them every other weekend (it's actually 1 full weekend with him, one with me, then 1 Friday night with him and one Saturday night with him) plus a mid week every other fortnight. My solicitor says that EOW is the bare minimum and no point trying to vary it but the boys and I are finding it really hard to get used to. They hate going, cry, get really upset etc so that I have to spend days preparing them and trying to explain why they have to go. They don't mind seeing their dad for a day or few hours but always want to come home after. It's horrendous to say to them that they have to go even when they don't want to. I work full time so barely have any time with them anyway and now that my weekend time has been halved it feels like I barely get time with them.

I am hoping the situation will improve as the boys get used to it but what if it doesn't? Is there any point going back to court to try to change the order? With a few tweaks or a longer adjustment period it might work better. My ex is refusing to agree to any changes at all.

Would appreciate any views/advice.

I am sorry but your socilitor is right unless there is causes for corcern the bare minium contact is each other weekend and you are being unfair saying EoW is too much.

You would be wasting your time and money trying for him to get less then that (bar genurine concerns). And yes you should encourge there visits and make thme want to go there rather then them seeign you are upset about missing you etc.

I am not being unfair if they are unhappy about going! If they wanted to go then no problem. And I am totally fed up being lectured that it's all down to me to make them want to go. I've done my best to encourage them. Maybe the other party could put in a bit of effort? And they have never seen me upset about them going - I do everything I can to be upbeat and positive about it. Fed up with this attitude that is has to be my fault they don't want to stay over.

What does your ex think about it? Does he realise the children are upset and do not want to go? Or are they ok once they are staying with him?

Worridmum is right, there is nothing you can actually do at this stage. Maybe once they are a few years older (if they still express the same feelings) then you may ask the court to vary the order based on their wishes and feelings. At the moment they are too young for their opinions to carry weight in court.