Please help - work issue

[Introvertedbuthappy]

Hi, I'm really hoping that someone can help me.
Almost 6 months ago I started working at a company managing a team of 8, working closely with an assistant manager with whom I am required to work closely with to achieve our objectives and goals of the company. She was promoted to post within the team just as I arrived and has a history of being "difficult to manage" (others' words - not mine!)

Anyway, she has been, to put it bluntly - a complete and utter nightmare. From basically the start she has attempted to undermine me in team meetings (I am trying to affect change, and have been brought in to do so), has tried to turn the rest of the team against me, has texted/emailed me during weekends and holidays with thinly veiled criticisms of me. I have tried a lot to get her on board - I have tried giving her more ownership within her own role (she accused me of patronising her), I have tried supporting her (accused of micro-managing) and then when I stepped back was accused of not supporting her enough in her new role.

This has been handled poorly by my own manager - the company has a very much 'all doors are open to anyone policy' and therefore this woman has been running crying to my manager over any perceived mistake, slight or criticism and this then led to her sense of entitlement.

Long story short this came to a head earlier this week when she accused me of raising my voice and being aggressive in a team meeting and said that she was so scared of being alone with me "that she cries herself to sleep at night". She retracted both of these the next day with the head of HR when she was told they were taking these allegations seriously and would be interviewing the other team members at the meeting (she admitted she wasn't being truthful) and when questioned further about how I scared her she admitted that she had been caught off guard (she had gone to management to complain about me after sending me several horrific emails criticising my management style and I had printed them off and gone there first to request a meeting with this colleague as well as HR and she hadn't expected me to get there first). During her HR meeting she refused to answer whether she wanted me to succeed in my post, admitted she with-held information from me because she didn't think I was capable and has admitted that she has encouraged other members of the team to share grievances with her and then bypass me to go straight to management about these.

I feel in a state of shock. Despite only being with the company 6 months I have gained more than twice my annual salary for them in funding and increased our reach within the sector (too outing to go into details). The SMT have been very vocal in trying to get me to stay on, my manager admits that she got this wrong in the initial way this woman was handled and has apologised to me. I have been told I am the person to change this team around and that they are excited about the changes I have already been making and have in the pipeline...

But...this woman has been read the riot act by HR today and threatened by disciplinary but NOT ACTUALLY PUT ON IT. I will be expected from next week to continue our private one to one meetings to further our work. However, I am not comfortable with this based on her conduct, and her false allegations. She could literally make up anything and clearly is capable of doing so. I am wondering about my rights to insist on another member of the management team sitting in on these, or perhaps asking for CCTV to be set up in the room we conduct these in. My job is on the line (probation is up in a couple of weeks) and I really can't see this being the end of this with this crazy woman.

My questions are (and I would be infinitely grateful for any help or guidance):
Do her actions count as grounds already for disciplinary?
What rights do I have with regards to having to spend one to one time with her in private despite her allegations?
Can I reasonable ask for manager sit in/CCTV, or will this be seen as 'trouble-making'?

Honestly, my head is spinning. I am incredibly shaken. This has never happened with anyone I have ever managed before. Thanks for anyone who got this far.

I would assume that your company has a set of values and behaviours that all staff are expected to demonstrate in their working lives.

I would look at managing performance against these values and her behavioural conduct. If you have enough to go with now then follow your disciplinary process to get this started. You would in all likelihood be looking at a verbal or written warning initially with the opportunity for her to improve over an agreed time period. It doesn't sound like she has committed gross misconduct from what you've written. There would have to be an investigation and evidence/witness statement collection to support the disciplinary meeting and decision.

You absolutely can ask for another person to be present in 1:1s but be careful how you position this to prevent undermining yourself, it wouldn't be good if she took the opportunity to blank you and address only the other manager in the room.

I also think you need to ensure you have very clearly stipulated verbally and in writing to her

• company values
• job description
• her key responsibilities
• her objectives/KPIs/SLAs
• your expectations of her conduct

Oh wow she sounds horrific. I can't answer your questions but just wanted to send support!
My only piece of advice is that as a manager I've had to deal with all sorts of people in my time - some of then have been brilliant and others appalling but even the most desperate and intractable situations either improve or change. So you don't be stuck with her forever.

The fact that she has been read the riot act by HR is hugely helpful for you. It means they are on to her and should be very supportive when the opportunity comes to get her out.

The downside of your situation is that you have few rights with such a short period of continuous employment. This means that if the company decides that one of you has to go, and it should be you, they will probably not be running a significant risk in dismissing you. The company could dismiss you with notice and, unless there were grounds to say that there was an ulterior motive such as discrimination or whistleblowing, it is difficult to see how you would have a claim.

The positive points are that the company seems to have acknowledged that the problem lies with her, rather than with you, plus you are doing a good job and it would seem not to make sense for them to sacrifice you because of your colleague's untenable behaviour.

There isn't an easy answer to your questions. Clearly your colleague's behaviour is disciplinable, but you cannot force the employer to do so. You will not have the right to bring a claim for unfair dismissal until you have 2 years' continuous employment. That is significant because only then do you pose a threat to the employer of bringing/succeeding in an unfair dismissal claim if your position is untenable. Before then, you could do so only if you could show that the company preferring her over you is for a small category of reasons including discrimination (these claims don't have the 2 year "waiting period").

Given that you won't be able to work like this for 2 years, I'd probably sit tight until probation is up (if passing it gives you improved notice rights) and then express your concerns.

Frankly, if she were my employee, I'd have fired her and walked her out on the spot. I've done so - perfectly legally and above the table, with detailed paperwork of course - for even less before. You've done everything right, imo, so far, but some companies are, frankly, wimps when it comes to getting rid of terrible people.

Seems like she wanted the managerial role you were brought in for and is being shitty due to that. Whatever, regardless of WHY, she is rotten to the core and is a liability to the company.

It sounds like, thankfully, your management and HR are aware what a twat she is, how contrary and adversarial she is toward you, how she is willing to sabotage the team and company just to undermine you.

I don't think it's fair that you're forced into 1:1 situations with her; in fact I think it's rather dangerous to you. If I were you, I'd have a private meeting with HR and/or your direct manager and let them see EVERYTHING: the off hours communications, the horrible emails, everything you've got evidence for. Reiterate the things she's admitted to like withholding information from you, not wanting you to succeed, and everything else.

Tell your HR that you are not comfortable, that you can clearly see that she wants you to fail, and that you are extremely nervous that she will attempt to sabotage you using these 1:1s in some way. Tell them how uncomfortable you are!

If they refuse to make a change, then make sure you keep detailed documentation of what she does. Record the conversations however you can, send follow-up emails to her immediately after each meeting that detail everything you discussed (and keep a copy with your files), print off and keep every untoward and inappropriate communication. If this continues, present it all to HR again.

Most HR are happy to protect their employees, and it sounds like your dept are at least trying. If for some reason they refuse to be amenable, however, take them all of the evidence and then ask that they do indeed interview the other team members and launch a proper investigation. If they still refuse... do you have anybody higher up you can go to? The HR management perhaps, or some sort of union or representative?

Have you formally complained about her, in writing? Without a formal grievance, aren't HR's hands tied?

I may have been drinking the Kool Aid at the education charity I work at but if yiu want to try and change the dynamic between you you could consider a 2x2 meeting;

She fills in a form detailing 2 things she does well and 2 areas for improvement. She then writes 2 things she thinks you do well as her manager and 2 areas for improvement (along with 'next steps' for each of the above).
She sends to you and you do the same. 2 things you do well as her manager and 2 areas for improvement and 2 things you think she does well and 2 areas for improvement along with next steps.

Sounds very touchy feely but it's surprisingly effective.

Thanks everyone. I share Kate's concerns that I don't want to be seen to undermine myself with an extra body in the room, but it would be made clear that this person was to protect us both against allegations, not to oversee my conduct.

Loraline unfortunately we are way past that. She has admitted to deliberately with holding information from me as she doesn't trust me to do a good job. She was unable to substantiate that with HR. She has also accused me of being aggressive and shouting and only retracted that when told the rest of the team would be involved. The only reason an independent HR expert wasn't brought in with regards to the 'intro scares me and I can't be alone with her for fear of what she might do' is because when being questioned by head of HR she admitted she panicked because she didn't want to face me. What if she hadn't?!

The thing is, I can probably get another job if need be. I've got a good reputation within the industry and have been told by this work place that I would get an excellent reference, but have been told that unless I want it it won't come to that.

My head is just spinning. I like the keeping detailed notes of all comms. HR suggested I have a notebook dedicated to this. I have been following up verbal comms with emails for a while as at one point she was cancelling one to ones then going to my manager to claim I wasn't making time for them. She then complained that I was 'promoting an atmosphere of mistrust' when she cancelled the next one and I asked her to email me that to me.

Gah, she is awful!

Have you formally complaine on paper? You need to use these words (and more)

I'm further along this process, although in my case we are on the same grade but in different roles. I'm coming to the conclusion that my co-worker is a psychopath, and senior management will never do anything about it. I'm contemplating taking a long period of stress-related sick leave while I look for other jobs.

I seriously doubt you need to get a new job.

She has:
Accused you of improper behaviour
Retracted those accusations the second she was told they'd need to be backed up by others
Stated she didn't trust you
Admitted she could not substantiate the above
Admitted to deliberately withholding information from you
Sent you inappropriate emails and texts off hours
And more!

I strongly recommend you take all of this to HR yourself, just to be certain that they have documented the things you know they've witnessed. There is just no chance they are not already aware of her behaviour and the fact she reckless, petty, and childish and is a liability to the team and the company, but you should be certain that you are covering your own arse here as well. And honestly I wouldn't be surprised to find that she's been on HR's radar before this.

You have every right to go to HR and lodge a formal complaint or just make them informally aware, even if you are still in a probationary period. If you have any doubt whatsoever about whether or not you have that right or have their support or anything like that, based upon your probationary status, then simply let HR know that you enjoy the job, believe you are an asset, and are eager to remain with the company and improve the team, and that you want to head off any potential problems at the pass to ensure the company's and team's success.

Please do go to HR. Jeopardising the team and company to sabotage another employee is horrendous behaviour that is dangerous to everyone. At the very least, they have every right to know about it, and it could only help you personally in addition. Please take this matter to them.

Thanks again.
HR know, the lead HR is on the SMT and she was the one who questioned colleague and read her the riot act.

I am loathe to make a written complaint until I have passed my probationary period. It would all be too easy to get rid of me (despite their pleas to the contrary for me not to leave). I am just not comfortable with one to ones after she has made these allegations and has been shown to be lying. I need to be careful as the success of our team depends on our partnership, and thus so do the conditions on passing my probation. That's where the rub lies. I need to come across as the one who does want this to work, to be reconciliatory - otherwise she could easily claim the problem is me, if you see what I mean?

I mentioned seeking other roles as I frankly am sick of this. I'm doing great things but these constantly have to take a back seat to this drama when I have lots I can be getting on with to meet the needs and requirements of those who employ or engage with our services. Also, I'm aware that it would be easier to explain to the board that I had left as I couldn't take the team with me, rather than explain I had left to take on another role elsewhere.

Thanks all, again. I feel in a very precarious decision and just want to ensure I play my cards right.

Could you say that you want an assistant to take notes during the meeting? If not I'd insist on recording each meeting and to hold it in a space where others can see you.