Ex not abiding by court order (children's visitation)

[candycandles]

Hi all,

I have a child Arrangements order with my ex partner, which stipulates the children live with me but also the arrangements for access to the children which are eow and one night in the week. the order specifically states that he (and no one else) is to collect the children from nursery/school and return them to nursery the next day.

Over the last five of these weeknight visits the nursery and school have both confirmed not only that his mother has collected and returned the children, but that the children have both indicated that they have not seen their dad during the overnight (as an aside he does live with his mother so although he might not be seeing them, they are staying overnight in the same place they usually would). Reasons the children have given to teachers include being told that he's gone to work in London, that he was busy with "other things" and that he had gone on holiday (evidenced also on Social Media).

Now his mum is a lovely lady, but I am worried that he is not having the children on the extra weeknight that he fought me for on the basis of getting quality time with the girls. Sadly this is one of many concerns and if social media is to be believed, may also apply at least partially, to his weekend contact as well. I would like that contact on the weeknight is stopped (they should be at home if they cannot be with him) or at the least, that I can stipulate that he is to communicate when his mum is having them instead. I have asked this and he is ignoring all communication.

Can I ask a court enforce these things? Can I stop contact on the weeknight and then go to court or would I need to do court first? He has been asked a number of times and reminded of the order yet he refuses to abide by it or communicate with me. The children are both reported to be upset when he doesn't collect them as he is supposed to, and I'm having to send them off to school/nursery not knowing who is actually looking after them in the evening.

I would stop contact until he takes you back to court. . He can't be forced to be a df unfortunately. .
If it's unsettling for the dc then it's defeating the object of time with df if they aren't even with him and are upset. And he is defying the order.

Yeah I would stop contact. I would rather have my kids with me on the weekends if their dad is just dumping them off anyway.

You don't have the right to stop contact.
You need to follow the order. You need to return to court if you feel that the current situation is problematic. The court may well feel that the children benefit from contact with the paternal family.

You may note that the order probably says that you are ordered to make them available, not that he is ordered to care for them. He may not technically be breaching the order. Does the order specifically state that "no one else" can collect the children?

Thanks for the responses.

The order states that... "ex's name" is to collect the children from nursery/school on Thursday evening AND "ex's name" is to return the children to nursery/school on Friday morning.

I would happily set up a regular session with his mother if she wanted time with the girls. As I said, he does live with her and so even if he was following the court order, she would be seeing them anyway. He fought me, against my better judgement, for this evening because he wanted the quality time with the children, passing them off to his mother is not him getting quality time with them.

Sadly as I said, this is one of many issues since the court order including:

Nursery concerns over his parenting and the demonstrable effects it is having on the children after his contact time.

Aggressive and violent behaviour towards me at pick ups and drop offs which now mean my partner has to do these for me.

Inappropriate behaviour with the children e.g. telling them he was not dropping them back home because they were going to live with him (my eldest was terrified and clung to me for weeks), telling the children their new half sister wasn't their family and that I would love her more than them etc.

We are keeping good records and evidence of his behaviour where possible but I am starting to lose hope that a court will ever see him for who he is and what he does to them. Now we have evidence he's not seeing them during his contact time (arguably a good thing), upsetting the girls and I still have to jump through hoops to protect them. Sorry, rant over!

That order could be inteputed as ex is only responseable for pick up and agents of his choosing are acceptable aka mother or wife etc.

But do go back to court if that helps

Have you spoken to your solicitor? Just as you no doubt sometimes delegate your parental responsibility - to teachers at school, and, perhaps, to relatives or paid childcare professionals on occasion - he may well be entitled to delegate his, too. The order you have presumably says something like "the children will live with the mother" - do you interpret that as meaning you can never leave the children in the sole care of anyone else? I'm not a lawyer, but I have personal experience of child contact issues, and I wonder if it's not as clear-cut as you think. Talk to your solicitor.

Without seeing the full order it is impossible to be sure. However, the few words you have reproduced do not necessarily prohibit your ex's mother from picking up the children. It is worth noting that the courts like parents to be reasonable. Insisting that he cannot get his mother to pick up or return the children may be seen as unreasonable.