"Child" maintenance

[SukiTheDog]

Not sure I'm in the right place but am looking for advice.

My ex husband left me when my son was 4 years old. He said he'd never loved me and I know he'd tried to persuade my family to talk me into a termination before I had ds. So, a good thing we are divorced!

DS is now 16. He has classic and severe autism. High functioning but additional OCD and eating disorder. My ex is tied in to paying child maintenance until ds leaves education. This was done legally, at the time of divorce. Unless he cannot pay for reasons such as no income or illness, he must pay until is through college.

Here's the problem ......

Ex pays £335 a month. For the first 8 years, he paid £250 per month. I have no idea what he earns but assuming he hasn't taken a pay cut (has been with the same company for 20 yrs) it may be in the region of £45k plus bonuses. I have remarried after being in my own for many years with ds. DH is a good man and he works hard so I can look after ds (my day still revolves around ds's needs and we lead a "small life"). I've recently asked exH about a maintenance "rise" which he says he cannot afford. He no longer sees ds (used to, every other weekend; then it was once a month but now, not at all). Well, to be honest, he has ignored my written/verbal requests for some time. Just never mentions it in the rare occasions we speak.

ExH has moved on. Has the freedom to travel. Enjoys life with new partner (not the lady he left me for - a different one). This is fine by me. I know that "mum" gets to look after the children and the divorced dad often gets on with life like he has no commitments. But, I do resent that in 12 yrs, he belittles my intelligence and states he hasn't had a pay increase and has paid so little for me and my DH to bring up his son.

Am I being unreasonable? What can I do?

When you say the maintenance was set at the time of divorce, I assume you mean in the form of a court order rather than through the Child Support Agency (as it then was).

Any court-ordered maintenance can be varied from the time 12 months from the date of the order, either by application to court (I think) or more commonly, by an application to the Child Maintenance Service (as it now is) for an assessment of the paying party's income.

I would not believe what your ex-H tells you. Just contact the CMS and make an application. They will then obtain (in the first instance) details of his income in the last tax year from HMRC and will assess his child maintenance liability on that basis. If you have reason to believe that that assessment is not relevant, you can contest it (giving reasons) and the CMS will seek payslips or other evidence of income from your ex-H and do a new assessment.

Once an assessment has been made, either ex-H pays you the assessed amount monthly, or if he fails to, you can use the Collect & Pay service whereby the CMS deducts it at source through his employer. If you use collect & pay, you have to pay a fee and so does he, for the use of the service.

I have recently been through all this with my ex-H and having been told he had no income, eventually found he earns over £100k. It was an uphill struggle and you really have to keep on at the CMS with calls because they don't do anything without being pushed, but if your ex-H is employed (rather than self employed), they will eventually find out what his income is and you will get a fair amount of maintenance.

N.B. A CMS assessment automatically displaces the child maintenance provisions of any court order, but I don't think the CMS has jurisdiction to compel the payment of child maintenance beyond the child leaving secondary education.

P.S. for the arrears of child maintenance that have accrued in the time your ex was paying the £250 pcm instead of £335, if the maintenance was court-ordered, you would have to make an application to enforce arrears through the court (because the CMS does not have jurisdiction to enforce arrears that have accrued under a court order).

To enforce arrears over 12 months old, I think you need the permission of the court. You would probably have to explain why you have not sought to recover those arrears sooner, if you wanted to try to recover them now.

Thanks so much for that detailed and helpful response. I'm not looking for "back pay" as it were but I do feel we are being "done".

The legal side was a Court Order at the time of divorce. It didn't specify an amount but a % of his net pay, if that makes sense?

Hello. I'm looking into this too. My ex has always paid me £300 a month since 2005. Agreed as a family based fee. DD now lives with me full time so it needs looking at. Child maintenance online advised that ex should be paying me £546! Based on DD assumptions that he earns £66k. She heard him and wife arguing about their second holiday home money. So think she is right as he works in London. I left him as DD dud due to his emotional abuse. Never speak to him. Only text; email or WhatsApp. How can I say please increase to correct figure? Should I ask him for his annual income to see if he is earn ing that much. If he tells me if course!

The thing is, I really don't know what ex earns. Obviously, beyond child support, it's none of my business. Ex and his new partner do have a nice lifestyle and the freedom to enjoy the fruits of their hard work. Fair enough.

My DH now, does resent the fact that ex and partner can travel for a month around the US and we can't have an overnight stay/leave ds at all. For me, I have to accept that and that's the life I've led with ds but for DH, it's a BIG ask. To feel on top of that that we are being lied to in terms of finances just adds insult to injury. We need to give it some thought.

Your dh knew you had a son with special needs though. He took that on so it was his decision. Theoretically you could tell your ex you need him to care for his d's and you are buggering off round the world!

Good point there but, ExH would refuse point blank. When I was still a single mum and had to go into hospital, Ex said he couldn't have ds due to work and ds had to be passed about between then elderly grandparents (and dad had cancer, dying soon after) and well meaning friends who couldn't (and shouldn't have to) manage ds's needs.

DH now did take it in. But no one could have imagined how ds's condition would develop over the years. Even me.