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child arrangements with an abusive ex

5 replies

charletteboymum · 24/08/2017 20:10

Hi I'm New this may get long but I'll try to keep it short
I had been with me ex for 4 years I had one son from a previous relationship and we have one son now 7 months. The relationship was very emotionally sexually and verbally abusive. My eldest would stay in his room all day because I wanted to keep him away from ex once baby arrived I had to keep every one in one room and we could whisper to each over because ex wouldn't like noise he hasn't hit me or kids but I wasn't allowed out of the house or watch tv/listen to radio or eat speak dress work without permission. I didnt report anything untill after we broke up which was one incident where he stopped me walking choldren to school and statred shouting about everyhing i had done...
I broke up with him in May at the time he was pushing pram and walked off with our baby i wasn't allowed to see him for nine days when the court ordered ex to give baby back.
Since then we are setting up a child arrangements
He has Tuesday 4-6
Sunday 12-4
He has admitted in court that he uses cannabis but obviously denies any abuse throughout our relationship.
I have been adamant that the contact be supported by his mother so that baby is safer.
But His mum has started to ignore me and not speak when we see each over...
His mother also does pick ups and drop off meetings so that me and ex do not meet.
During contact I have brought up issues with them not feeding not giving medicines and baby sleeping tge whole time which messes up routine and property damage which i have also reported but nothing can be done.
My son is very agitated after contact he wants food and sleep straight away and will wake 2-3 more times during the night.
Now it has been sent to social services for them to do a report I want to know if any one has any experience with this.
They will decide on if contact should be longer shorter or not at all and also if it needs to be supervised
My ex wants weekends non supervised but I am scared for my baby but it feels like no one believes me.
And I want to go to the doctors or do something but I don't know what to say I feel scared to leave the house if its somewhere ex could be (live in a small town) and i get blurred vision weak legs and can't breath if I think I've seen him I just turn pram around and go as quick as my legs will go.
Any advise or your outcomes would be really appreciated.
Thankyou for reading did get really long I would want to take my children runaway and keep them safe in our little bubble forever but I know I can't do that or can i ...

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 25/08/2017 22:05

I can't see why a court wouldn't allow more contact purely based on what you've written .What medicine wasn't given? If he's there overnight he can't sleep all the time so it might make him less unsettled when he returns to you

charletteboymum · 26/08/2017 09:19

It was only calpol as he had a really bad cold and slight temperature.
Ex has no patience and us very aggressive and violent i know baby won't be safe overnight .
When my eldest was one he woke up one night about 11 so my ex wouldn't let me near him and brought him downstairs to shout at him untill he agreed to shut up and stay in bed.
The only way I could stop ex from being like this is to make out its my fault example I let him nap for too long I didn't change his bum I didn't get his bottle at this point I could get my son out of the room while my ex smashed stuff up and screamed at me for the next few hours this would happen for everything to my son putting his hands together to not asking before using the toilet.
I know I wasn't being a good mum and i shoudve left sooner than I did.
Baby would have no one to stand in between and protect him from the major explosion which will happen on a daily basis.
But all court are saying is that well he ex seems genuine so it's better for baby.
Is it though am I being unreasable for thinking its not

OP posts:
charletteboymum · 26/08/2017 09:55

I know contact will happen I just want it to be safe

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 26/08/2017 13:00

Might be be better with his own child in his own though. The things you 've listed on your op will be seen as nothing to worry about. Some parents rush to the Calpol others not so much. Same with sleep and nap times. Is any of your subsequent post witnessed by anyone else?

charletteboymum · 26/08/2017 23:51

I hope so but he has two more children which were taken into care because of drugs and domestic violence.
And no but neihbors would probably have heard but was told they dont count as witnesses
I know i can only tell people my concerns and let them decide from there and work with it and hope thàt you are right and he'll look to contact as a time to be provide a happy environment they will both enjoy.
I think I just needed to vent frustrations a bit

OP posts:
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