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[Moodymoo80]

Can anyone offer me advice please. My ex is disabled and is very charming and manipulating, he knows how to work people and situations to his advantage. I have 2 children to him aged 12 and 10 he is very cruel to them examples of this are they not allowed in certain rooms of his home yet their younger child is, they have to ask permission to leave the room, sit on the sofa even use the bathroom. This is very distressing to my younger child as he ended up soiling himself as they wouldn't let him go. A few years ago now I moved home and cut all contact with him however he tracked us down took me to court and fooled everyone with his charm and manipulated cafcas into thinking I was making everything up and filling my children's heads with rubbish as a result court awarded him a contact order but there was a high risk of him absconding with the children so I was awarded a residency order. Several years have passed since court yet the children are not wanting to go, I have confronted their father over the things my children say to me, of course he denies it all yet punishes the children for tale telling on ntheir next visit. He doesn't provide for the children in form of maintenance anything the children need is left to myself and husband to provide despite us having 2 other children together. Everything I ask him for with regards to our children together Always has to be run past his wife and you can guarantee it will be a NO. The children have nicknamed her the wicked witch as she is awful to them yet their father defends her every action they have a child together who irritates the children so much they react then are punished whilst their child gets off Scott free. My question is can I legally stop the children seeing their father if that's what they want or do we need to go back to court since a contact order is in place.

I think you need to go back to court and they need to take your children's wishes into account

Dreadful situation! Can they get recordings?

No, you cannot simply stop contact. If you do he can take you to court to get the order enforced. You need to go back to court and ask for the order to be varied.

Note that maintenance is separate from contact so the court won't be interested in him not providing anything. If you want maintenance and he isn't paying you need to go through the CMS.

Back to court I am afraid.
Given their ages the judge is likley to listen.
You can stop contact before going to court but I am not sure if that will work against you.
Hopefully somebody wiser than me will post.

Honestly they are treat like prisoners. No chance of recordings he's too clever for that the children are supervised with everything they do they are not even allowed outside to the garden or to their room without permission. Any gifts bought for the children have to remain at their fathers house they not allowed to bring them home, their half sibling gets everything new and is spoilt rotten off his grandmother where as the children we have together get second hand everything including shoes despite the youngest needing support for ankles as was born with medical condition. The children are afraid to be honest as they fear punishment so as for going back to court what if the boys are not listened to again and he manages to pull the wool over everyone's eyes for a second time, which would mean the children are forced to carry on going. It is honestly breaking my heart.

I know child support is a separate issue I rather not receive anything from him I was simply pointing out his lack of responsibility and care when it comes to the children.

If you would rather not receive anything from him why do you keep asking?

Back to court as prh47 says. The older the kids are the more their views are considered.

And absolutely no recordings! The court takes an extremely dim view of that kind of thing.

www.theguardian.com/law/2016/may/23/father-bugs-daughter-clothes-court-battle-who-she-lives-with

Your boys will be listened to. Their wishes will be taken into account by the courts. That doesn't mean the courts will do what they want but the older they are the more weight the courts will give to their views. If the contact order is several years old their views will carry a lot more weight now than they did at the original hearing.

the children are supervised with everything they do they are not even allowed outside to the garden or to their room without permission.

Have they shared how their dad treats them with anyone else? If they have disclosed this kind of abuse to staff at school, for instance, or the CAFCASS officer involved in your last Child Arrangement case, it would support your desire to protect them.

My DH had a similar situation with his DCs; it was their mother emotionally abusing them, but no one believed him until his DS began writing about it in school work. Tragic that it has to get to that stage, and his DCs are screwed up for life, but that's how the system works in order to protect DCs from malicious allegations that would otherwise rob them of a parent.

I asked for things for the children because I'm struggling having also got 2 other children. It is always a no so I don't even bother now he is a joke.

The cafcas officer was a total clown, she was all for him. As I said in my initial post he is very charming, manipulating and plays the disability card to his advantage. The children were supposed to get 2 visits with their father and cafcas after so long not seeing him. The first of these was supposed to be the children and their father only and the second the children, father and half sibling. Needless to say they both had half sibling present.

We have been through different agencies from counselling for the children to parent support for myself. mediation, school nurse, one point, cafcas, cams etc

My ex partner even called our youngest vile, horrid names when he was a baby (he didn't want him) this was witnessed by others but yet he managed to convince agencies such as cafcas that he did nothing of the kind and that I had manipulated these people into lying (oh he's good) he even went as far as to say if it wasn't for our youngest being born we may of survived as a couple despite us actually going our separate ways due to his infidelity. That's a whole different tale and not for now.

Someone said about recordings, this is not something I'd even consider I know the court looks dimly on this. My ex is so clever he won't even put anything incriminating in writing he does all this face to face or over the phone. The children are due to see him today and are that scared of being punished for telling me the latest happenings that they text him and put off seeing him a few days hoping their punishment will be less severe.