Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Can he demand this gift back?

41 replies

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 20/08/2017 21:20

I've posted in relationships about my dad and his abusive behaviour,

After a recent argument he's decided to disown me and I'm 'dead' to him.

Around 18 months ago he and my mum bought me a car. It was completely out of the blue, I knew nothing about it and they just gave me the keys. I was, of course delighted as my car was on its last legs.

I'd never asked them to do this and it was completely their decision and they said it was a gift.

He's emailed me today demanding the car back so he can sell it. I'm the registered keeper, it's insured in my name, so apart from the cost of it, it's mine.

He said as he's got a receipt for it he is entitled to take it back.

He has a spare key (I didn't know there was one) and said if I don't leave it outside their house, he'll come and get it.

Where do I stand, I have no means of getting another car and it would make things very difficult without it.

He's also refusing to let me in the house to visit my mum who has a terminal illness. She wants and needs me to visit, but she can't walk to the door to let me in.

He's effectively got her holed up in the house and verbally and emotionally abuses her daily but she's too unwell at the moment to do anything about it.

OP posts:
LadyMaryCrawley1922 · 20/08/2017 21:22

If you are the registered owner of the car it is your car, and if he takes it you can call the police as he has stolen your car. Doesn't matter what receipt he has.

LineysRun · 20/08/2017 21:24

The important thing here is seeing your mother.

DancingLedge · 20/08/2017 21:29

You could get a krooklock for the car, so he can't just take your car and leave you stranded.

That's a horrible situation with your mother. No idea what you can do. Are there any other relatives who could maybe try and plead with him? I wonder what Social Services would say- although, involving them could sour him more. Maybe an off-the-shelf record chat, see if they can advise anything?
Flowers

Original poster
ilovewelshrarebit123 · 20/08/2017 21:31

Absolutely agree, have to see my mum but if he won't let me in the house and calls the police as he's threatened, what can I do.

My ex is a policeman and said he can do this as it's a breach of the peace me trying to get in the house.

My brother couldn't give a shit and doesn't visit her. I'm doing as much as I can but I'm a single parent and I work 30 hours a week.

I'm also not dealing with a sane man, my mum and I think he's got some sort of dementia as his behaviour has got progressively worse over the last few years.

OP posts:
sparechange · 20/08/2017 21:33

ladyMary

I don't think that's true. The v5 specifically says on the top that it isn't proof of ownership

CotswoldStrife · 20/08/2017 21:36

Does your father have a friend or family member that he would listen to? Is there any third party that could speak to him? Or does your mother have a nurse or health professional that visits her at home - could you contact them with concerns about your father and his actions towards your mother? Awful situation for you, OP [flowers}

Original poster
ilovewelshrarebit123 · 20/08/2017 21:40

No one can reason with him, he doesn't speak to his mother who is 97, or his brothers.

They've all slighted him in some way so he just cuts all contact.

I'm going to ask my mum what she wants to do and if I can't contact her respiratory nurse for help.

OP posts:
PoshPenny · 20/08/2017 21:42

How much do you believe him about the receipt? It could be used to prove ownership of the car but if you've been insuring it and paying the running costs since you got it, it makes your claim that it was a surprise gift from your parents stronger. The name on the V5 is the registered keeper, not the legal owner. I suppose it depends how strong you're feeling, how far you want to dig your heels in and see how far he will push it. What can he do if you don't return it as he's demanded? Probably not a lot, if he goes to the police (unlikely) then you counterclaim it was a gift etc etc

Original poster
ilovewelshrarebit123 · 20/08/2017 21:47

Oh I know he has a receipt I've seen it. They also paid for it by bank transfer.

It's a such a mess and I can't stop crying about the situation my mum is in.

OP posts:
00100001 · 20/08/2017 21:48

Sell the car. Sell it to webuyanycar asap

Use the money to buy a different car.

JackietheBackie · 20/08/2017 21:48

You could contact your local adult Safeguarding team through the council. Your Mum could be considered a vulnerable adult and should not have to spend her final months isolated and bullied. I have no advice about the car. Sorry he is such an arse.

00100001 · 20/08/2017 21:49

www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q743.htm

RiotAndAlarum · 20/08/2017 21:51

Is your mother old enough to be of interest to Age Concern (with a side question about your father's mental capability)? Having a man with possible dementia caring for an older woman with a terminal illness sounds like the sort of hell which needs to be broken up.

Original poster
ilovewelshrarebit123 · 20/08/2017 21:54

They are both 75, I'll call Age Concern tomorrow to see what they think.

Dementia hasn't been diagnosed by a professional, it's just a feeling we have.

OP posts:
greeeen · 20/08/2017 21:57

I would sell the car asap and buy a new one.

junebirthdaygirl · 20/08/2017 22:10

Is your dad in the habit of ranting and raving and then getting over it? Could you just ignore him for a few days giving him a chance to cool down. Do you have any texts they sent telli g you about the car originally or any witnesses that were there when they told you? Dont engage with him. He may just be letting off steam.
You need to involve public health nurse etc in your dms situation. Do you think your df should have medical assessment? Can that happened?

WatchingFromTheWings · 20/08/2017 22:27

As pp have said, sell/swop/part ex the car. Only way you can guarantee he won't have a spare key!

parklives · 20/08/2017 22:28

I would get one of those steering wheel locks on the car asap, then think about your next move.
I doubt the police would try and get the car from you to return it to your dad if he turns out to be the legal owner (although I would check with the dvla ).
He would have to go to the small claims court to get the car back I'm guessing?
If he's a volatile man, he might not want to do something as boring and non-dramatic as take you to court, a steering wheel lock might be enough to ride this out until he moves onto his next rant.

Arriettyborrower · 20/08/2017 22:32

Definitely speak to health care professionals involved with your mums care - they may need to raise a SOVA, safeguarding of vulnerable adult, there is help out there and it sounds as if she is very vulnerable currently.

Neverknowing · 20/08/2017 22:47

Damn op. Please contact social services about your mum, you'll definitely regret not seeing her if anything happens. I also feel very sorry for her if he's bullying her when she's so ill. I hope the situation gets better soon!
Also agree with PPs, sell the car, but a new one. Don't let this bully rule your life, I guess you're lucky he's 'disowned' you !

Original poster
ilovewelshrarebit123 · 21/08/2017 08:49

He's just called my mobile from their home phone, he knew I'd answer as it might have been mum.

He shouted down the phone 'read your emails and do it'.

He's not going to let this go, I just can't believe sticking up for my mum has come to this. I need to get her out of there.

OP posts:
RiotAndAlarum · 21/08/2017 13:06

If you go for it with Social Services/ Age Concern/ her nurse, that will give your father something else to rage about instead of hassling you about the car.

In the meantime, do you have a copy of any email or text message you might have written to your parents, thanking them for the car (thereby showing you considered it a gift at that time)?

Original poster
ilovewelshrarebit123 · 21/08/2017 16:26

I've just called to speak to her, he's shouting at me in the background.

I asked her if she's going to let me call SS or her respiratory nurse and she said no. She said she's going to do something about it when she feels better.

In the meantime he's refusing to let me visit and still demanding the car back. He's called my mobile twice today shouting down the phone.

He's really lost the plot and I'm at a loss to know what to do.

OP posts:
HeebieJeebies456 · 21/08/2017 17:28

speak to the police and the agencies for support on safeguarding your mum

he's a bully and needs standing up to.

FuzzyOwl · 21/08/2017 17:35

I think the owner and registered keeper are different. However, I guess it would be up to a court to determine if the car was a gift or if it was borrowed.

Do you have any emails or texts where your parents said they were giving you the car?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.