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Legal matters

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Original poster

Parental responsibility

20 replies

Adviceplease111222333 · 17/08/2017 14:18

Hello,

I'm posting on behalf of my brother who is having trouble with his ex wife (although they aren't yet divorced.)

They spilt 3 years ago and she took their son, who is 7, to live with her parents 50 miles away. Since then he's been allowed to see his son every other weekend which he loves.

There has always been animosity between them and from our families perspective, has always got her own way, won't share information when it comes to their son and basically want's him all to herself.

Recently when my brother was putting his son to bed (they have a lovely relationship) he asked "so how you doing buddy?" To which his son replied "People keep asking me that at the moment daddy." When my brother asked him what he meant he said "I have to see this lady called Ann (not her real name) at the doctors who gets me to draw pictures about my feelings. She asked who I would like to live with, mummy or daddy, and I said both."

My brother left it at that and text his ex wife to ask who Ann is and is their son seeing a child psychologist? His ex denied it and just said "Ann" was a lady he goes to talk to sometimes.

My brother questioned It more and asked if it was at the doctors and asked for Ann's details. She either ignores him or denies things so my brother called the surgery where his son is registered and they have no record of it. Anyway, after a few more texts etc and my brother saying as the father he has a right to know who his son is seeing and if there are any problems she finally said yes, Ann is a child psychologist.

My brother asked for her details again so he could contact her and have a chat. His ex won't give him the details and said it's not up to her (his ex) whether or not he can speak to Ann, it's Ann's decision whether she thinks my brother should be spoken to. She said she would "ask Ann" in a couple of weeks when they next see her (he has been to about 5 sessions according to his son) and said he would have to pay £50 to see her anyway to talk about his son. He keeps reminding her he has just as much parental responsibility as she does and he has a right to know if his son is seeing someone like that and what for. She just won't give out any information.

What are his rights on this or does he just have to suck it up?

Thank you.

OP posts:

Mrscropley · 17/08/2017 14:21

The Dr will have a record on his ds notes to advise him who he is seeing. . Your db is entitled to access as much info as the dm. Remind the receptionist of this when he rings. . Db needs to make an app to see ds Dr and speak to him. .

Original poster

Adviceplease111222333 · 17/08/2017 14:34

When he spoke to the surgery he spoke to a dr who said they had no record of him seeing anyone.

Could it be possible that she has gone private and the gp doesn't need to be informed? I presume a child psychologist is a form of child therapy so doesn't need to go through a gp? Especially if it's a private psychologist?

OP posts:

Mrscropley · 17/08/2017 14:54

Google private ones in the area and ring around. They are legally bound to inform both parents regarding a dc.

Original poster

Adviceplease111222333 · 17/08/2017 14:57

Thank you. Funny you said that because I have just been googling them in her area/surrounding areas. Can't find anyone named Ann though who does child psychology. It's very frustrating. Should he just ring up every private practice and ask?

OP posts:

Mrscropley · 17/08/2017 15:31

Yep. Every one. . Explain the situation and say he is worried about his dc.

Original poster

Adviceplease111222333 · 17/08/2017 16:00

His ex wife just keeps saying she won't give out the psychologists number to him because it's not up to her, it's up to Ann and if Ann wants to speak him he will have to pay £50 to book a half an hour appointment with her.

I'm not getting on very well with google. Most of the practices have websites with "meet the team" list of names and none have "Ann" on them.

OP posts:

Mrscropley · 17/08/2017 17:32

Presumably she found the number OK and rang her without paying £50??he needs to keep looking or seek legal advice.

Allthebestnamesareused · 17/08/2017 17:32

Contact his school. It is possible that it is his school who referred his son to the cp.

I assume the school lets him have copy reports, emails, newsletters etc. If not he should arrange for this to be happening.

Original poster

Adviceplease111222333 · 18/08/2017 00:08

Yes he gets all of that stuff sent to him from the school (reports etc.)

She has confirmed it is a private psychologist who she takes him to "to ensure his wellbeing" but won't say where or why. She just keeps saying next time they go she will let Ann know and Ann can decide if he needs to be contacted. She won't give the telephone number and because my brother has been assertive in asking for it and reminding her of his parental rights she is accusing him of being aggressive (he certainly is not). She always gets her way and everything is on her terms so the hint of assertiveness from my brother she starts accusing him of being aggressive and nasty. He just isn't that kind of guy.

OP posts:

notarehearsal · 22/08/2017 16:01

maybe have a look at Psychotherapists in the area too, just in case ex has it wrong

notapizzaeater · 22/08/2017 16:11

Can he send a solicitors letter reminding her of his rights ?

abbsisspartacus · 22/08/2017 16:16

Is it really worth fighting over? The kid is seeing a psychologist not Hitler

abbsisspartacus · 22/08/2017 16:18

He might get further by a bit of flattery tell her he thinks it's for the best and just wants to contact the psychologist in case she needs to speak to him

haba · 22/08/2017 16:21

What someone talks about with their psychologist is private, surely? The psychologist would share what the child had talked about anyway.

dataandspot · 22/08/2017 16:21

Worth fighting if ex is using psychologist evidence for a court case to prevent contact,

My child's psychologist opinion held great weight with the court.

Athena404 · 22/08/2017 16:25

If shes taking him to a private therapist they have no obligation to tell him anything and might not even be able to if he isn't the one paying for it. If the mums taking him to talk through anything (that seems focused on his happiness with his custody agreement) with someone isn't that a good thing? If he's worried about his kid (which obviously he wasn't before this) he should take him to a therapist on his weekends. I really don't see the issue.

eyebrowsonfleek · 22/08/2017 16:47

He's had 5 sessions. Assuming that he goes once a week then 5 weeks ago was the end of the school term so I'd be contacting the school to see if they knew anything. It's the summer holidays but I'd expect someone to be in soon and hopefully they can shed some light on what may be going on. I know our head teacher goes into school to work during the holidays.

Are there any other changes in his life? Mum or dad getting new partners, new step siblings, new half-siblings, deaths or illnesses in the maternal side of the family?

Don't forget that Ann can be spelt Anne and could be a shortened version of lots of other names. Can his son offer any clues as to where her office might be - near school, near a certain shop, car ride away etc?

eyebrowsonfleek · 22/08/2017 16:49

CAMHS doesn't require a GP referral. Has he called their local office to see if they are seeing the son? They might not tell him everything but they might help dad to find out some clues about what is going on.

BackieJerkhart · 22/08/2017 16:59

What does he expect to find out from Ann? My son sees a therapist and she doesn't and won't even tell me ( his mother, who brings him and sits in the waiting room while he speaks to her) what is discussed in his sessions unless he raised a concern I needed to know about. She certainly wouldn't disclose anything to someone who phoned up saying he was his father. I don't think she would even confirm on the phone that he attends because she would have no clue this person was actually his father with PR.

heidiwine · 22/08/2017 18:10

If the parents were still together both parents would be aware of the reasons for therapy. They would probably have discussed it together. In this situation the father is still a parent he deserves to know what is going on here because he cares.
I am shocked that anyone thinks that the mum not sharing any details is ok, it's not ok. This lad has two parents who care about him and it can only be in his interests to grow up believing this. The mum is playing games, games that don't put children first.

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