parental allienation - im being cut from my firstborns life

[AspiringDad]

I am in desperate need of help and advice, my ex partner is doing everything she can to push me out of my daughters life and raise her with another man. I am currently trying to get on the birth certificate but the mother has refused saying she was unsure of the dad and the day she was served papers telling her I was taking her to court she applied for a non molestation order. court ordered her to do a dna test and the results came back that I am the dad (which everyone knew) and now she refuses all contact saying that she is scared of me. she has postponed court cases repeatedly and gets away with it somehow and delayed the court case which would prove my innocence in the non mol case ( it was supposed to be the day before the dna results were presented in court) by getting her friend to put in a false statement which moved the court date back three months as her solicitor informed the court there was more evidence the police had to prepare, the statement has now been retracted but she now has legal aid. she refuses all contact and even refused supervised contact when the judge asked on dna results day and the judge is unwilling to deal with the matter till after the non molestation case has been dealt with. The problems first started when we were still together whilst she was pregnant and I got seriously injured by a dumper truck at work and was bed bound, there was also issues over the fact that she was taking drugs whilst pregnant to which we argued and she asked me to leave the home and find somewhere else to live. she quickly got back with her pervious partner and that's when she cut all contact. I informed the social of her drug habits as I feared for the welfare of my at the time unborn child but nobody listened, social services are useless and cant force her as they asked her and she refused to do a drug test and even when I raised the matter in court the judge said that it wasn't in his power to force her to do one which would help me prove that she is making the accusations in retaliation. I was present at the birth because her mother contacted me thankfully and we arranged contact the first week but she turned her phone off on the day. a week later one of her friends knocked on my door and told me that the mother said I could see my daughter at their house but soon after I arrived I was attacked by her and her partner and was injured. she called the police when I quickly left (so as to not have any aggression around my daughter). I had informed the police but found out that she had got the drop on me and the police treated me like a suspect, it took a month for them to interview me and in that time she got a message to me through a friend |(as I was allowed no contact) saying that if I said anything she wouldn't put me on the birth certificate. she didn't put me on anyway. and used the claim of domestic violence and the police reference number from when they attacked me to get legal aid, I am not eligible for legal aid as my last solicitor told me. I am on benefits currently as I am still unable to walk far distances and cant afford the costs of a solicitor and as my ex partner has used many solicitors ( She has done this also to the father of her other child) I am struggling to get legal advice. even worse I found out from social services that her partner has previous offences against children but they wont tell me what. My ex partner was granted a temporary non molestation order as a precaution (only because I agreed to terms) until the matter is resolved. one of these terms is that I am not allowed on her street but she regularly visits the flat opposite my flat (20m away) I believe she Is doing this to antagonise me. I don't know what to do please help.

I would like to know how I would get my name on the birth certificate

I would like to know how I could get my parental responsibility/access/shared residency or even full residency

is there a way I can have my surname as part of my daughters surname or have a say in her name.

I would like to know if there is a way to make her to do a drug test

Is there a way I can find out her current partners previous offences against children

Any help with any of these matters would be so greatly appreciated, I have tried social and police and they are useless and I am worried my daughter wont know who I am and will think another man is her dad. I am literally pulling my hair out with not being able to be there for, care or provide for my daughter. I used my settlement money from my injury to buy everything that the mumsnet list (really good list) said id need for a newborn up to six months in preparation (including cots, pushchairs, over a 1000 worth of designer clothes and so much more, you name I bought it) and she has her own room all decorated ready for her. This is my firstborn and I am so proud to be a father, and I want to be a dad more than anything but her mother is trying to stop this at all costs. Please any advice at all is appreciated.

Sell the clothes and go to see a solicitor.

1. Thousands of pounds worth of designer clothes is a total waste of money.

1. You want full residency, really? How is that in your child's best interests?

1. Take the matter to court for a child centred contact arrangement.

.... hang on, you were present at the birth, even though she didn't want you to be and didn't let you know the date herself?

And, (sorry, lot of info in your OP to digest) can I also check:

• Your ex partner has legal aid - that would suggest that she has real and police verified evidence of domestic abuse. Legal aid isn't given just on someone's say so, as witnessed by many abused women on MN who haven't been able to get it even with police evidence.

• Court are having a hearing to consider a non mol order, is that right? Or are you challenging one that is already in place?

• How will it benefit your baby to be removed from her mother for you to have full residency? You were not together to the end of the pregnancy, you've never lived with the baby or cared for it, you describe having had very little contact with the baby at all so far. At this age, you may get court ordered short visits for a few hours to begin to establish a relationship with the baby, but overnights or shared residency is very unlikely indeed. If you are threatening your baby's mother with this I can see why she is scared of you and unwilling to consider any contact.

• You say that the judge already explained to you that he cannot force your ex partner to take a drug test?

• If social services are involved and aware of your ex partner's offences then they will already have assessed the possible risk to the baby and acted accordingly, and their information will be part of any hearing regarding residency arrangements for the baby. It must be extremely concerning for you but if you were able to have information about those offenses all you would be able to do practically is inform social services for them to be aware of and manage that risk - and that's already happening.

hi thank you for the comments so far please allow me to elaborate,

The clothes were all bought in preparation before my daughter was born.

Up until I was attacked at her house I had believed that there would be arrangements made and that the reasons for her behaviour were 1) the reason she had limited contact with me was cause of her previous partner and two because she literally spent 20 quid a day on her drugs which I new she didn't talk to people when she was on them.

I think residency with a parent who is not on drugs is more preferential and away from the risk of someone who has previous offences against children too.

I'm not sure if some of the messagers realise this but all that is needed to apply for an order is a statement made by the person applying for it through civil court. |If I hadn't gone to court to contest it she would have been granted a full order. the temporary one has been granted (with the conditions that I agreed to) until the date of the trail, this was only supposed to be a month away but as ive said my ex partner keeps finding ways to delay it and gets away with it every time.

There have been no threats or abuse whatsoever but my ex partner has had friends fabricate statements, the most damaging of these statements has been removed and the police are now aware that the person who made it was coerced by my ex and are "dealing" with it but I am unfaithfull.

And for the person who asked if I was present at the birth, yes, my ex aleays said I could be there but was sort of preoccupied but she managed to contact her current partner. just like I was at the scans because my ex told me to attend. you see she has made the pretence of being amiable, but has had a plan all along.

and legal aid is provided as long as there has been a call out of domestic violence from one party to anolther with at least one statement made corroborating that's not immediate family. this was the case in my example.

If the Court ordered a DNA test which proved your paternity then you can ask for a declaration of parentage, which will then mean the birth certificate is amended to include you as father. Which in turn will mean you have PR.

Form C63

thank you for the advice will i have to go in front of a judge with the dna results or just send everything off to the local civil court?

I haven't read the full OP but you could try contacting Karen Woodall at the family separation clinic.
They specialise in parental alienation and attempt to help both parents put the interests of the children first.

This isn't parental alienation. Alienation is where one parent tries to turn the child against the other.

This is one parent alleging DA against the other, and a situation already going through court that sounds extremely complex and needs a judge with an overview of both sides of the story. OP the advice on selling some of the baby clothes and getting proper legal advice is probably the best one.

You seem to have got rather ahead of yourself, spending £1000s without even having established parental responsibility. There is no way you'd get awarded ft custody of a young baby without there being serious issues with her mother which risk her health or safety. You need proper legal advice to clarify how to seek being added the birth certificate, assuming dna proves you are the father, and access.