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Advice on relocation

7 replies

Beckman80 · 06/08/2017 16:11

I need some advice on whether DDs Dad can legally stop me relocating. We have not lived together since she was 6 months old and when she was of pre-school age he used to have weekly contact. 3 years ago I moved an hour away and his contact has reduced further and further until this last stint is currently at 6 months since he has seen her.

My DD has Autism and is not very flexible with her schedule, so when his partner texts (never calls) to ask if she is going to her Dads the week before she usually says no, she is 9 and I always ask her, I have suggested the ring up and ask her themselves but they have not as yet.

My DH has just been offered an amazing job, 3x the salary he is on now but it is 250 miles away, I have 2 DSs with my DH so it is important for me that we stay together as a family, especially when DD does not have much contact with her Dads family.

Can he stop me from moving? We do not have a contact order in place and I have never stopped contact it has always been my DDs choice, I feel that even if we move I want her to stay in contact with her Dad via text, email, letters, skype and visits when we can but I am scared he will take me to court over this.

DD really wants to go, she finds it hard because of her ASD to make relationships and she has been reluctant to go to her Dads because he has 2 children with his now wife and she feels unsure of her place in their family. I would hate to think that he can keep my sons away from their Dad and make me stay up north when he does not even make the effort with my daughter, has anyone been in a similar position, TIA

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/08/2017 16:16

and visits when we can but I am scared he will take me to court over this.

Tbh you will need more concrete plans than 'when we can" if it does go to court.

I would hate to think that he can keep my sons away from their Dad

I would seriously not use this line either.

RandomMess · 06/08/2017 16:25

He can take you to court for a prohibitive steps order but if he's not seen her for 6 months I think it unlikely to be awarded? You moving would not impact on their current established relationship IYSWIM?

Presumably you would be reasonable and offer to bring DD up to visit 3 times per year or similar?

Beckman80 · 06/08/2017 16:25

I have 2 children of school age so it would have to be arranged for the school holidays, but as like now at just an hour away he does not try to see her, I do not have a problem of arranging regular contact during school holidays but that does not even happen now.

and the other comment is fair because my sons' father does have regular contact, he drives 250 miles to see them every 6 weeks, including my DD who he treats no differently, this is not a statement for court and I just asking for advice on what is a highly emotive subject.

I do want my DD to have a relationship with her Dad but why should I be punished when it is not me putting up the barriers?

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Beckman80 · 06/08/2017 16:28

I would have no problem bringing her up, My family live close by to him and I will be coming to the area to see them as well and would not mind if she wants to see her Dad, I am not and have never stopped their contact, that has been her choice or his lack of commitment to her.

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titchy · 06/08/2017 16:54

Tbh you shouldn't be giving your dd the choice, she's far too young to make that decision, particularly when she has SN.

Your ex can't stop YOU, but he could ask court to stop HER.

Beckman80 · 06/08/2017 17:08

Given her Autism I feel very uncomfortable forcing her to go some where she doesn't feel 100% happy with, this is to reduce her likelihood of meltdowns and violent outbursts.

Every child is different but my ex and I have always agreed it is her choice, surely her SN dictates that she needs more control over the situation not less. She is 'all there' just has emotional and social difficulties.

She has never stayed with him for more than one night, or lived with him in any capacity.

I can see this is not the place to ask for this sort of advice, I am going to make an initial consultation with a solicitor tomorrow to find out what steps need to be taken to arrange something out of court if needed, thanks for your time.

OP posts:
Beckman80 · 06/08/2017 17:32

I have now asked for this thread to be removed as I now feel I shouldn't have asked for advice here, thanks

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