Ensuring fair division of property assets - unmarried

[herbaceous]

Hello

I'm after some advice. DP and I own a house in London, and are thinking of moving out to the Kent coast for schools, and also to release the equity, and buy an investment property. I don't really have a pension to speak of, but a lot of equity, so getting the finances right at this stage is pretty imperative.

We bought the house in 2005 for £272K with a £140K deposit from me, thanks to a profit made on my old flat. Before we exchanged contacts we were going to sort out a deed of trust enshrining that money as mine, but the solicitor left the practice, events galloped along and I thought 'I'll sort it out afterwards'. Of course, I didn't.

For three years we both paid into the mortgage equally. Then in 2008 we had our son, so (by mutual consent) I stopped working full time and my income just paid for childcare, and bits and bobs. DP paid the mortgage.

The house is now worth £825K, so this means £700K equity once we pay off the mortgage. But how to decide who 'owns' what?

Do I just take 'my' £140K out, do a proper Declaration of Trust in our next property, and that's that? Or as I could be said that my deposit paid for half of the house, do I now own half of the house, i.e. £400K's worth?

DP did pay more of the mortgage off, but it could be said he would have paid rent anyway, and without my deposit he would have no house. Or does he own £40K more than me (how much of the mortgage he's paid) of the equity?

DP refuses to discuss any of this, as he feels this implies that if we split up he wouldn't 'do the right thing'. This is of course highly enraging. And what, exactly, is 'the right thing'? He also has refused in the past to get married, which would solve the problem but probably mean I'd lose out financially.

So, before we make a big move with big amounts of money, I want to create a solution to propose to him. If he doesn't agree, is this the sort of thing a solicitor could advise on?

Thanks!

If you were married and it all went wrong and you'd given up making serious money then on divorce you might get even 60% or 100% of all the family assets to make up for your lower earnings and possibly even spousal support for say 5 years.

It would be an extremely rare case where anyone got 100% of all assets!

I know I need to see a solicitor, but was hoping we could both go, hammer out a fair deal and get it sorted amicably. But before I get him to a solicitor, I need to get him to see his position isn't fair, and to present him with a solution that I think is fair. That's what I'm trying to ascertain now.

It is of course ironic that the more he won't talk about what we'd do if we split up, the more it makes me want to split up, but the less financially able I am to do it. And certainly doesn't make me want to marry him.

I don't think he's being avaricious, just head-in-the-sand and defensive. He hates confrontation, I hate uncertainty. It's not a winning combination.

Why doesn't he want to marry you?

Going down to the registry office with two witnesses would be simpler and cheaper than all the solicitors fees involved in the other scenarios you are contemplating.

He initially said he didn't want to marry me because of the family hoo hah that a wedding would involve. I never pushed it, as I did all the running about buying the house and having a baby, and wanted him to actually DO something active about our relationship. Now it's almost got to the stage when I don't want to get married as I'm too cross. And suspect I'd actually be financially worse off.

< squeal of brakes >

I thought before I went any further I should look at all our house purchase documents. Guess what. We DID set up a deed of trust, saying that upon sale of the house, the first £155K goes to me, and the rest is split equally between us. Bloody good job I looked, before I tore DP off a strip.

It leaves the question of whether I own more of the equity or not, but at least my big deposit is safe.

You will be better off if you marry as he earns more (if I remember correctly from above),. If you don't marry you'd get 50% of the assets. If you do marry and earn less than he do you might get more than 50% (I agree with piglet 100% if rare but commonly the wife can stay in the house until the youngest child is 18 or remarriage and only then a 50?50 or 60/40 split takes place if that is the only way to house children in marriage, not in cohabitation) plus if you were married and earned less than he does you might get spousal maintenance.

Unless you earn more than he does (as I did) then you will not be better off unmarried.

btw children of the marriage also includes children not bioligcally related to the father aka step children

Indeed. Yet another reason I'll not remarry or move anyone in. I just want everything I have for the childre now not for a new partner and not for his children.

The DOT sets out conclusively what you own.

You cannot thereafter claim half the equity on top.

To echo the posts earlier:

1. You are financially vulnerable if you give up work to care for children and aren't married. Get married if that worries you.
2. Don't rely on strangers posting on the internet.

All useful stuff. Thanks everyone. If we get married I'll invite you to the wedding...