Notice of proceedings hearing through the post from paternal grandparent

[user1499775533]

So my Daughters mum has been successful in applying to the courts for contact arrangements. She stated on her application she wants 2-4 at her house a month or contact can be anywhere other than my house. My Daughters father is also listed as a respondent too but he said he won't attend the first hearing. Can anyone shine any light on this and if he agrees to take her to her house will it be accepted?

Sorry I meant Grandma!!!

A grandparent needs permission from the court to proceed with an application for contact.

without much more information about your circumstances it will be near impossible for anyone to comment further.

She got the permission or leave to apply already and now we have to attend a first hearings meeting. She basically has always had a monthly visit here well since my daughter was 9 months old but she stopped contacting me for 4 months then I got a MIAM letter through the post then this!! I'm baffled by it and she's stated on her application that contact is hit and miss but contacts been okay?! She also put she wants contact anywhere other than the house but she's been offered a play centre etc but still declined.

She then put she'd like contact at her house..it's very contradictory

Well the obvious question to ask is do you actually object to the contact? And isnt mediation the first step in these situations???

Why did the contact stop? As in did you stop it or did she just stop turning up?

I object of course. I've never denied access just not on her terms..everyone has busy lives etc and you can't base your life around grandparents that have had their children. She wants more than that anyway and this behaviour proves that. I didn't attend the MIAM because I was told she couldn't get legal aid and it wasn't pushed onto me. The person I spoke to over the phone was very sympathetic and I think they know what kind of person she is

And she stopped turning up or contacting me and refusing to call back or message me back. Even now she's not replying. Strange behaviour

No one arranges timetabled contact between their kids and grandparents. It is always ad hoc, but usually regular. And the parents usually exercise control over the situation. You're often always present.

Has your relationship with her been strained for any other reason lately? Has she tried to take control over parenting?

I feel for you user. It sounds like grandparent feels they are entitled to dictate your life around their whims.

Just be calm and reasonable. You've had contact, you've offered a play centre but you are not willing to have set weekends put on one side because of this woman. What if the child has a party on that afternoon in the future? If it's written down as fixed grandma time is that going to mean your child missing time with friends or hobbies on that afternoon all because this woman has control issues?

I think SHE IS being unreasonable.

You're right. This all comes down to control and she is a control freak. She wants everyone to do and say what she says. She's not a nice woman and her intentions aren't nice towards me or my daughter. I'm sticking to my guns and offering a play centre once a month or around that time but I'm not having anything on writing because that's sick. She can take my word for it or the only other alternative is to take nothing like she has for the past 5 months.

You're not going to get very far with that attitude. Your child has a right to access her paternal family. A written agreement is positive for both sides and you would be well advised to agree to mediation, to work with this woman constructively in the interests of your child and to be a bit flexible. Why can't she have access at her home? Is she living with the hounds of hell and smoking crack whilst watching porn?

There's a lot more to this story and we have never got on. Let's just say she isn't a very nice woman and has said some very racist vile things about me and this is why we will never be best friends. There's bad feeling with her sons gf too. She's just a really pushy person with no respect for boundaries at all. She thinks she has some superpowers over her grandchildren and completely forgets the mothers. My Daughters father doesn't see his mother regularly and he isn't close to her so I can't understand why she feels she should have my Daughter there. My attitude I feel is positive and considering the circumstances I've been quite calm and suggested other things and she's refused so I think she's being unreasonable. On her application it doesn't speak about the man she is married to which I feel should be raised because he's no blood relative to me daughter and I find it strange that it has to be at the house!!!

Make sure they know she stopped contact abd communication. Also the racist attitude. Other than that I don't know what else to advise.

I'm not saying your DC shouldn't see their GU, but don't let the courts think that she is some kind of victim. Obviously finding a way to facilitate a good relationship would be the best outcome, if it's possible.

I think she should see my Daughter but maybe she has to respect boundaries too. She stopped coming and hasn't been replying to messages or phone calls so what can you do! Communication. Is key but she's the kind of woman that what's black is black and what's white is white. There's no reasoning with her at all

Now you have the application I would respond with all your evidence straight away.
Print off all screenshots of you contacting her and hearing nothing back. Texts, call logs, email, Facebook. Show evidence of what you have offered her too, including communication for contact that went ahead, photos blah blah blah so they can see you weren't unreasonable.
I would write up a short factual statement, don't give your opinion of her, and list your evidence backing each point.
If you have evidence of racism share that, evidence of her poor relationship with her son and other daughter in law to prove there is a pattern and it's not just you.

Evidence is key. Make sure you only share what puts her in her true light.
Be prepared for her to do the same, if she has anything unsavoury of you too.

Be aware of what you share on social media

I've got a notebook with all the visits etc that she's had here and all relevant information. My ex is a big part in this because he has a big problem with drink and drugs and he's never disputed that which is why he's only visited here . His mum knows that too but she lied on the application to get permission because she is fully aware of all of this.