Advice on division of equity in divorce

[rusholmemuffins]

Have posted on relationships, too. Thought someone might've had some experience.

Last week, STBXH said that to buy him out in an immediate settlement, he wanted 50% equity, or he would take a charge against the property and have 50% when our youngest child is 21 (in 15 years). His father gave us both a lot of money for the house over the years, though I used £70K of my own money, and I used some of that to renovate his previous house, which added about £30K to its value. I realise in the scheme of things, it all one pot, but you'd think I'd paid nothing at all to the house.

He had initially asked for £100K to buy him out. I explained that, on my salary, I could not get £100K. He earns 3 times what I do, and he can't get a mortgage for £100K. So I called his bluff and said that he can have whatever split is finalised, when our youngest is 21, but that as he offered previously, I can pick the triggers (he'll probably change his mind about this too). I told him I do not accept one of the triggers being that I remarry and if I move, I would like to take the charge against the new mortgage (I don't even know if this is possible, but he has controlled so much of our marriage, our break up and when the children were introduced to his girlfriend, it would be really nice if I could actually have some control over my own future, where I live and who I spend it with). I said I will claim half his pension at retirement age. I said that I will not pay off his credit card (it's in his name - I tried to ask for a statement but I wasn't allowed as I am not the account holder).

He has since come back and said that he will take a 10% reduction of the share in equity he believes he is entitled to (around £130K). He wants to be able to have a huge deposit, a small mortgage of around (40K) whereas I have to be mortgaged up to the hilt. I am left with 4 children 12 and under, he pays £300 per month for them in maintenance. He pays for nothing else and I won't be able to.

Does anyone have any experience of this? Will he get his way about this too?

Thanks in advance.

What is the house worth and how much is owed on the mortgage?

It's worth about £325K and the mortgage is £37K.

You need proper legal advice, particularly if the value of his pension is large, as you could offset your claim against it for more of the equity.
With four littles I'd say you'd be entitled to more than 50%.
But in my humble opinion, as a former divorce lawyer, I think you'd struggle to get a judge to remove your remarriage as a trigger clause on a deferred charge.

Find our what his pension is worth - it could be of similar value to the equity in the house. Then you could relinquish all claim to his pension if he relinquishes all claim to the house or its equity.

But please op get proper legal advice. It is tempting to diy it to save on legal fees but that only works with good will and honesty on both sides and your stbx sounds like an utter dick who will screw you over.

His pension is worth £60K. He's telling me I'm only entitled to £15K.

It turns out he is an utter dick and he is trying to screw me over. You have met him?

Well, actually, I don't think he's that bright but his girlfriend seems to know what she's doing.

I do have a solicitor - and we are having mediation soon, I just wanted to formulate a proper plan before I went in.

Is it true about me only being entitled to £15K pension? How does that work?

Do you mean £60,000pa by the time he retires (that is a very big pension) or £60,000 lump sum (that's really not that big) - is it a final salary scheme or a fixed contribution scheme?

And you are entitled to half of all the assets (including the equity on the house and half the current value of the pension - not half the value that it reaches by the time he retires though) plus on top of that reasonable contribution towards the children's upkeep and keeping a roof over their heads - he may be divorcing you but he is not divesting himself of responsibility towards the children.

It won't be £60,000 pa - it's a local government final salary, so the lump sum would be £60,000 so no, not very big.

His argument is that he is trying to provide for the children. He says he wants to buy a 3 bedroom house so they will stay with him. Currently only the two younger children will go. The older refuse to stay over for various reasons but because they don't like the situation or his girlfriend. He says he's buying a house so they will stay with him. He and his girlfriend will live separately, but still be together. I think it's bullshit actually. I think he's trying to soften me up into releasing the money. Not that I can afford to.

This is the man who is so tight, if he has the kids and takes them out he makes all of them share one can of pop!

And he's wanting me to take on the mortgage of £37,000, plus pay him £130,000. I earn under £10K and I get child tax credits. How does he think I'll pay that? He also said he would help pay for extras and when I agreed to let DD go on a residential trip on the strength of this, he then refused to pay anything. It was £100 that I could ill afford.

He even wanted me to pay off 10K of debts and give him £5K to get him back on his feet. He's blamed me for all the debts, but since he's gone, he's run up a debt of £3K. But he's not spent much of the on the kids, that's for certain.