I am sorry for such a long post, I’m trying not to drip feed but only a couple of people know about this apart from the police, it’s been emotional but good to get it all down. Thank you for taking the time to hear me.
Just under two years ago I went to a school charity function on a Friday evening. As I was walking out of the venue in a crowd of people I was hit hard down the back with a spiked stick that made me stumble forwards (I managed not to fall) the stick marked my back and broke the skin. It was really painful and I was in total shock. I turned and put my hand up to shield myself in case another blow was coming I saw a man scurry past and look back at me carrying the stick in his hand.
There was a woman alongside me, I said to her, ‘did you see who hit me? Is that your husband?’, She replied, ‘no he’s not my husband’. I was visibly upset, I felt so humiliated and embarrassed.
I saw the man who had just hit me go towards a minibus and get on with the woman I had previously spoken to. I don’t know what gave me the strength but I walked to the minibus (I must have been in shock because I don't do confrontation) and opened the door and asked him why he had done it, why did he hit me so hard. I was crying, he said nothing. The man in front of him (I later found out to be his best friend shouted aggressively in my face to f…. off several times. The woman I spoke to previously is the wife of his best friend (the man who was swearing at me) I was then shouted and sworn at by the carpark security man as he said I was holding the bus up and it needed to be off site - the door was then slammed in my face. Sadly, the minibus was full of parents I knew from school, all of them sat and said nothing, no-one even asked if I was Ok. I was crying and in pain. I didn't know at that point how bad the injury was on my back I just knew it really hurt and I wasn't sure if it was bleeding.
I did not know the man, I’d never seen him before, he was drunk. I don’t think he was targeting me personally - I think he was trying to hit a woman hard across the bottom and get away with it by running into the crowd, and he hit me too hard. The taxi driver wanted to take me to hospital but I was so humiliated, embarrassed and in pain I just wanted to go home, I couldn’t sit down in the taxi. At home my husband looked at my back and it had a long dark red welt line down my back and above my buttock and had broken the skin in the middle. My husband looked after me and took some photos.
I felt so ashamed and in pain, in fact I cried all night. The next day, Saturday afternoon I went to see a friend and she was able to find out who the man was. She saw my back was in and urged me to report it to the police. I wasn’t sure about reporting it but supported by my husband I went to the police on the Monday morning and made a statement. I went down the restorative justice route. The police looked at the mark down my back and had a copy of the photos my husband had taken. The mark on my back took over 10 days to fade.
The man was given a letter by the police inviting him to attend the station. He took his legal team with him. He denied the assault initially but a witness came forward as they were concerned about what they had seen and the force of the hit. The man was interviewed under police caution and he apologised for his behaviour and his actions. The matter was recorded as a crime, actual bodily harm.
Since that time my life in this village has been unpleasant and oppressive. I see his wife most days now on the school run (his wife was sitting on the minibus) his children attend the same school as mine, we live in the same village. This man is an extremely wealthy business man, important in the area and the wider community and he is involved in lots of high profile business projects. He is powerful, has an enormous house, a fleet of cars and has lots of connections and kudos.
Since the incident I have kept a dignified silence about it at the school gate. I spoke to the school and I requested that we could liaise over school events/productions hoping I can attend on a different night/time so I can avoid him and his wife. I feel maybe they have viewed my silence as weakness and they and their friends treat me with contempt. Not long after the assault, his best friend tried to shove me with his elbow when I came out of the toilet at a cafe, I get long stares and dirty looks. Last weekend I was in a local beer garden and he was there with his family. I sat as far away as I could with my family I wanted to leave but we were there with friends and felt stuck. They did a variety of things that made me and my family feel very uncomfortable like, mimicking my husbands words when he spoke, staring at us, standing watching my children play, walking backwards and forwards past our table when they has the whole garden. Saying things like, ‘careful you will get a poke’ out loud several times ( they were not going to poke me but saying it to mock me and to play down what he did, that he only poked me) talking across the garden to each other across our table. His wife will cross the road on the school run so she can walk past me as close as possible. My husband persuaded me to report this low level harassment to the police several days ago as it was making me feel so uncomfortable. The police seemed very disinterested, but did say they would go to see him and advise him and his wife to stop this behaviour. The officer did say they would let me know the outcome of this meeting. I did not hear back from the police (I still haven’t) but the very next day I got a hand delivered letter from the man’s solicitor. It was a horrible letter turning everything around at me - accusing me of: harassing him and his wife; my unjustified complaints to the police; damages for slander; I should not doubt his resolve; The letter said that the police have made it clear they will not be pursuing the matter (the matter being him harassing me)
This horrible letter has left me reeling, I feel, powerless, scared, intimidated, worried. I haven’t done anything wrong, he assaulted me, it was witnessed and he’s determined to make me pay for reporting his assault to the police. Part of me now wishes I should have just let him hit me and let him drive away on that minibus.
I don’t have the capacity to defend myself against this man in terms of money, resources, knowledge, time. I’m exhausted of worrying about it all the time, I don’t have the energy to go forward. I do feel intimidated and bullied. I feel powerless to help myself and this makes me hate myself for being so weak. I feel so very lonely as people have disassociated and distanced themselves from me, I seem to be marked as some kind of troublemaker, a weird woman.
I’ve lost my faith in the system, as I don’t feel important - no-one seems that interested. The sense of worthlessness is making me introverted and depressed. I just want to run away - the part of me that stood up to this man in the first place has since shrivelled up and been stamped on.
My job involves me working in a helping and caring capacity, working mostly end of life care and dementia, I help others I am not used to this nasty, cruel game - I don’t know how to play it, I can't play it. I have spent my nights lying awake worrying and annoyingly feeling sorry for myself.
Mumsnet has supported me in the past when I had my miscarriages, so I’m back once more to ask for your advice and words of wisdom - or just a sounding board to tell you my story after being silent for so long. I can’t go on like this, it’s ruining my life.
Should I get a solicitor? How do I move forward? Thank you for reading.