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Original poster

Residency with contact?

19 replies

NooNooMummy · 13/06/2017 21:46

I've been told by my solicitor that you can't force someone to spend time with their child if they don't want to.

(My ex spends zero time with our 3 year old daughter, leaves everything to me despite him living nearby, despite being really hands on with her before we separated, despite saying that he wants to spend time with her etc etc. I had wondered whether I could apply to court for some kind of order...)

Now I see on another thread here that someone advises applying to court for residency with contact arrangements written in with it. Can someone who knows about these things please advise me?!

(I've already spent £8k+ on my solicitors dealing with various nonsense from my ex re our divorce and the cost is. crippling me...)

Can the court award me residency with stipulations about my ex seeing his daughter regularly. This is what my daughter needs and deserves!

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 13/06/2017 22:42

Why don't you believe your solicitor?

You can get whatever contact you like written into a court order, but if the non resident parent doesn't comply, there are no ramifications for them. You can't force contact I'm afraid.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 13/06/2017 22:51

The thing with contact orders is they only enforces that the resident parent makes the child available for contact, it can't force the other parent to show up or care about their child.

Can the court award me residency with stipulations about my ex seeing his daughter regularly. This is what my daughter needs and deserves!

What your daughter needs and deserves is to spend time with people who love and cherish her - which he clearly doesn't or he'd be there.

Original poster
NooNooMummy · 13/06/2017 22:57

That's my gut feeling - I'm apprehensive about forcing contact I this way because I'd be sending my into the unknown. Her dads failure to step up and do the right thing for her has been totally unexpected and is really shocking. I didn't realise that he had that in him.

But I've been reading up now on court orders for children and, if one parent doesn't abide by the order, they can be forced to do community service/ unpaid work. That might make him get his act together!

I really think now that my solicitor advised me badly...

Anyone?

OP posts:
TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 13/06/2017 23:20

Your solicitor is telling you the truth. He could only be punished for breaching the order if he kept her late repeatedly or didn't return her - not for not attending. As I said before they cannot force him to participate in contact. If you go to court and he says he doesn't want contact then that's what will be ordered.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I can tell you love your daughter very much and it must be hard for you to see someone who was a good father previously just walk away when your relationship ended. But you need to accept it, because that's how it is. Flowers

prh47bridge · 14/06/2017 00:24

As others have said, your solicitor is giving you good advice. The courts will not force your ex to take up contact. Unless he wants contact the courts won't put any contact arrangements in a Child Arrangements Order so there will be nothing to enforce. And even if you did manage to get an order stipulating contact, the courts would not enforce it against him if he failed to take up contact.

Original poster
NooNooMummy · 14/06/2017 07:17

Thank you, everyone.

How about if I apply to the court, knowing that I can't force him to see her and knowing that the court won't force him to do it? At least then I'll have an independent third party's decision about what's best for our daughter. Also, my ex and his family are currently protesting that I'm PREVENTING him from seeing her - once a court orders me to make her available for contact, they'll have to find another excuse for everyone about why they're being so rubbish. Surely this is worth pursuing?

(I'm still labouring under the, possibly misguided, belief that if he's told to step up, he will and it will be positive for our daughter. I also thought that I'd do the application myself as it looks like a straightforward enough form to fill in and I'm happy to attend court by myself so it should only cost a few hundred pounds for the application...)

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 14/06/2017 07:35

Seriously, listen to your solicitor. Court will not help you. If he doesn't want to know you can't make him.

Prh is a family lawyer and so am I, if that helps.

Original poster
NooNooMummy · 14/06/2017 07:46

Thank you. So it's not worth getting it in writing and letting him fail to comply? (I'm a solicitor too btw!)

OP posts:
LedaP · 14/06/2017 08:33

Depends on What do you want to get out it?

You cant force him to turn up. So unless you want something more and can afford the legal fees, it may be a pointless exercise

titchy · 14/06/2017 08:37

Also, my ex and his family are currently protesting that I'm PREVENTING him from seeing her - once a court orders me to make her available for contact, they'll have to find another excuse for everyone about why they're being so rubbish. Surely this is worth pursuing?

Why? What difference will it make to yours or your child's life? Why do these people have such a hold over you that you give a shit what they tell people? They're not going to throw themselves at your feet all contrite and apologetic at the error their ways. They'll still blame you, her father still won't bother, and you'll be short a few hundred quid. For what gain?

AliceTown · 14/06/2017 09:43

He won't technically be failing to comply. The order will be written in such a way that you are obliged to make the child available for contact. It will not be written in a way that obliges him to take up that contact.

Original poster
NooNooMummy · 14/06/2017 13:05

So confused now 😳

OP posts:
Original poster
NooNooMummy · 14/06/2017 13:06

But Titchy, Im with you on that one!

OP posts:
Original poster
NooNooMummy · 14/06/2017 13:07

...although, I guess, I keep thinking that I can make things right for my daughter if it was crystal clear for everyone. Just thinking out loud now... 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
NooNooMummy · 14/06/2017 13:14

I'll have it in writing. I can show it to my daughter in the future. Also, the court will decide what's best for her - frankly, I don't know anymore what to for the best...

OP posts:
titchy · 14/06/2017 13:46

Seriously you have nothing to gain. Leave it. Trust your solicitor.

prh47bridge · 14/06/2017 15:31

It is highly unlikely you would get an order. The court will only make an order if it is necessary. For contact, they will generally only get involved if he wants more contact than you are willing to give him. That is not the case here so there is no reason for the court to make an order.

You could think about getting a written agreement with your ex. But forget about court orders. Listen to your solicitor.

AliceTown · 14/06/2017 15:51

You can't change him. You can't magic so that she has an involved father. The only person who can change that is her. You won't need to show her anything. She'll discover it all herself through your actions and his lack of action.

CotswoldStrife · 14/06/2017 15:58

Ideally he would step up, but I don't think making a criminal out of him is the way to go here.

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