Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Mediation & legal aid - what should I expect/do?

6 replies

Pippilottalongstocking · 05/06/2017 22:11

Will try to keep this as brief as I can.

Ex has decided he wants to go through mediation to sort out contact, he's refused to try to sort it out with me directly and won't even tell me what agreement he's hoping to achieve. We've been separated (never married) since DS (5) was less than 1 and the basic contact arrangement has been every weekend, I've never prevented contact but ex gone several months at a time not seeing DS by choice. Contact has always been supervised at my house due to history of emotional abuse/drug problems/etc that I really don't want my son exposed to alone, and also because ex has always been inconsistent with contact anyway and until recently never had much interest in taking DS unsupervised.

From what he's said to other people (won't talk to me about it) his reason for wanting to change contact is not because he wants to see DS more, but because he resents giving up time on his weekends to see DS as he could be going to parties/festivals/whatever particularly now it's summer, and thinks he should just be able to come and take him when he feels he has spare time, he has said (not to me, but in text to someone so I know he definitely said it and the person didn't misunderstand) that he doesn't feel he should prioritise seeing DS over his own social life.

I think the most important thing for DS right now is consistency, especially as ex was away for 4.5 months at the end of last year/start of this year and despite being encouraged to stay in contact with DS only wrote one letter and facetimed 4 times while he was away, also gave less than a months warning that he was leaving so DS wasn't prepared for it. Has only shown interest in changing contact arrangements since he's been back, but is planning to go away for a similar length of time or longer at the end of this year.

Ex has attended the MIAM(?) And expects me to do so, however it costs £65 which, after paying rent and bills, is all I have left over each week to cover food/clothes/shoes/school trips/etc. Ex does not pay maintenance. I would be willing to attend the MIAM, it wasn't a mutual decision but I know he'll only try to cause more problems if I don't, however I am struggling to find the information I need about legal aid.

SO finally to the point...

Has anyone been granted legal aid for family mediation? I tried to use the online thing to see if I'm eligible but it only said I MIGHT be.

-what requirements did you have to fill to get it? (I am self employed, low income, receiving working tax credits)
-what process did you have to go through to get it? (Just a phone call? Meeting? Giving evidence of income?)
-how long did it take to sort out?
-did you have to pay anything at all, or will you have to pay it back?

Basically, is it worthwhile going through the process of sorting this all out, attending the MIAM (only possible if I'm granted legal aid), going to mediation that I feel somewhat pressured by him to do, only for him to disappear off for around half a year in about 3 or 4 months time?

OP posts:
Collaborate · 06/06/2017 07:15

See here www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid if you'll qualify on financial grounds.

You don't need a MIAM yourself unless you want to actually apply to court. There's no point you going just to get a MIAM. There's every point you trying to resolve it through mediation. In the absence of domestic violence you'll not get LA if he takes it to court (though neither will he).

KarmaNoMore · 06/06/2017 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarmaNoMore · 06/06/2017 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pippilottalongstocking · 06/06/2017 11:47

Oh dear I just typed out a whole long reply and it didn't post. Will try again.

OP posts:
Pippilottalongstocking · 06/06/2017 11:55

Thanks for your replies!

Collaborate - the only contact I've had with the mediator is an email saying that ex has attended an MIAM and that if I want to go through with mediation I will also have to attend one, I replied asking about legal aid and she just sent that same link and told me to only contact her again to arrange an MIAM. I clicked through the link and put my information in and it told me that I might be eligible but would have to call them, send them proof of my income, and the if I am eligible I might still have to pay a bit or pay it back after (it was rather vague with a lot of 'might's)

KarmaNoMore the email said it would be £65 for this first session that's one-on-one but didn't specify costs for the actual mediation sessions so perhaps those are based on income, I just can't afford the first session! And yes, he very much has control issues, but it's because of that that I'm worried he'll cause more problems if I refuse to attend mediation.

OP posts:
KarmaNoMore · 06/06/2017 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page