Separation/divorce

[Julcol]

My ex is refusing to split divorce costs, we had agreed to split the costs out of final settlement, but he has done a complete u turn instead of us doing the financial agreement he wants mediation and solicitors, which he can afford he has not disclosed anything in 18 months, and I can't afford all the solicitors fees which he is continually putting obstacles in place so I have to contact my solicitor at £20 each email/ phone call, I decided today enough was enough after 8 months the solicitor still had not filed my petition, plus I was told on 9 th may that she had referred me to mediation,? When I phoned them today they told me they had not received any correspondence referring me for mediation, so I'm still exactly where I was 8 months ago , I decided not to file, until mediation when I can hopefully get an idea of what my ex is thinking! I really just want it all to end, but I am worried that my eventual settlement will be much less, my standard of living has reduced drastically and if I stay and get by living on a low income the court will say I have managed this long therefore they won't take into account my marriage standards of living, my husband is in the marital home as he refused to split up , so I had to leave, I have to lodge at a friend who took me in , my ex has a very good income pensions and everything in the house, am I stupid for just saying I don't want to fight anymore with money I need for living for something that I am entitled too?

Hi Julcol quick the divorce finance first principle is 50% of all assets at the point of separation, not now. I'm no expert but THINK you must each go for the free mediation hour before doing a finance agreement, we've just done ours and have mediated finance session in 2 months. Can anyone support you to confront your ex to speed things up? Hope you get better advice on here but wanted to say you are not alone

Thanks Properjob I do feel alone! Both our daughters have tried to get him to sort things out but he refuses to discuss anything with anyone he just will not be responsible, he is in a new relationship with a criminal lawyer and despite promising daughters not to use her contacts he is using a family solicitor from her partnership, so I am effectively up against 2 solicitor , he was always the one going on about keeping solicitor out as much as possible for financial reasons, and he agreed to put all divorce costs on the credit card until settlement, now he has removed me from his credit card the joint account is empty, so I have no way of paying other than my low monthly income, I refuse to ask my dad , which my solicitor suggested, for 18 months he has stalled every step of the way, I know about the 50% didn't realise it was from separation date though, but it's my living situation, and that it will look like oh she has managed all this time so that income etc must be ok , but it's not in the long term, I have no furniture no spare money to pay for anything except bills food and petrol, it was my son 21st birthday today he got an expensive watch from his dad and nothing from myself until I can afford something as I had to pay £300 solicitor bill ! 😢 I just thought that's enough I'm not giving the solicitor anymore who I can't afford to buy my son a 21st gift !

There is no automatic entitlement to 50% of the assets. You are entitled to a fair share of the assets. That may be more or less than 50% depending on the circumstances. If his earning/earning potential is much higher than yours, for example, that could lead to you getting a larger slice of the assets.

Not heard of novitas will check it out , yes he has a much higher earnings potential due to the fact I have long term physical health problems,

It's getting him to disclose in the first place he just holds everything up constantly! I just want it to end, 18 mths he has had, 8 months of solicitor and not even filed ! Or got to mediation so he will have to disclose, am I mad to stop the filing?? !!

Yes Afterthestorm I was filing but 8 months of solicitor letters and it still isn't actually filed , I only initially went to the solicitor for help with financial stuff but they said file had to be in motion before they could help, so I'm still at square 1 !!

What have the solicitors charged you for?

If you feel unhappy with progress U would suggest seeing another solicitor and asking what they would do to to move forward.

If you applied to court for financial remedy then the court provides a timetable for disclosure.
He & you would need to complete form Es.

Often a settlement will be reached before court as both parties don't want to incur costs for court.It was £265 for a court application.You will need to attend mediation ahead of it.

There may have been confusion as solicitors usually recommend mediators but don't actually refer, you have to contact them yourselves.

There is a divorce support thread which might help give you support as many of us on the same journey with unreasonable ex's.

Thanks the solicitors is costs so far for advice and writing to his solicitor to get him to mov Along we gave him a date for ourselves to sort things out then he stalled again by saying he wanted mediation to help us he had my e disclosure I had nothing from him so now I have to wait for mediation, which my solicitor wrote me to say she had referred us only for myself to phone them and find out we hadn't been referred, the initial £500 I gave the solicitor was supposed to be for filing the divorce etc. That has all gone on corresponding with his solicitor!