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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Legal matters

My husband's girlfriend's house

144 replies

ErictheHalfaBee · 14/05/2017 12:18

New to this, so please be kind!

I have recently discovered that my husband of 24 years has not only had a girlfriend for the last three years but has bought her a house and a car. I'm devastated as you can imagine. Of course I will be seeing a solicitor ASAP, but does anyone know if I am entitled to a share of the property? I'm not sure if it's in his name, her name or joint names yet.

He also owns a small business jointly with his business partner. Am I entitled to any of that? I know, I'm so naive. I should have seen it happening but I've always left all the finances to him. Stupidly trusting of me. She's half my age (and his).

OP posts:

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MyOtherProfile · 27/05/2017 13:09

Can you not get the ball rolling to divorce and halve the assets already then it will be too late for him to squirrel stuff away.

ErictheHalfaBee · 27/05/2017 13:33

The ball is almost rolling as far as divorce is concerned. My solicitor needs to get some things in place before papers are served so it won't happen for a week or two. I need to play things very carefully in the meantime.

OP posts:

MyOtherProfile · 27/05/2017 13:34

You are so nearly there.

traviata · 27/05/2017 13:53

OP speak to your solicitor urgently about section 37 of the Matrimonial Causes Act.

It allows the court to issue an injunction preventing someone from transferring property if it might defeat a matrimonial financial claim. So the court could stop your STBXH from transferring the house into the sole name of his girlfriend (or into anyone else's name).

Greenkit · 27/05/2017 14:18

I am reading this

Great advice from MN, keep going hard as it is he is a cunt and deserves nothing x

Tweetypie85 · 27/05/2017 14:30

Can't wait to see what happens next! I hope you can get your fair share. It won't make up for the hurt he has caused you but at least you will be rid of the scumbag!

sadmommyhere · 28/05/2017 06:38

Well done you are doing great.
Don't worry about being self pitying, you are grieving this relationship.
I would like to say though, don't tell him anything. The satisfaction you will have by not being completely defeated by him will get you through the hard times.
Please don't worry about being on your own after this is done! So many people find love "later" on in life. But this isn't a priority right now, just know you won't be alone.
Ask your solicitor to hurry along matters, if he has most of the stuff it shouldn't take two weeks.
Also, I agree about that injunction

JanetBrown2015 · 29/05/2017 10:20

Do know how much money is inth e accounts? You need not tell us but if there is quite a lot you might want your solicitor urgently to freeze all the bank accounts. I know someone whose wife did that over about £500,000 of cash as the husband was about to pay it into a business. Your solicitor may be able to do the same with the home he owns with the girl friend and also the foreign property and any other properties (probably is hard to hide or move whereas cash is not).

Injunctions can be very very expensive however so it will depend how much money we are talking about protecting here. Small sums and it may not be worth the costs of going to court to get one. The courts are reluctant to hand them out without a lot of evidence as they are such a drastic step.

I am your age. I am very happily divorced (my choice) and I don't think I would marry again now. It's much better alone for me anyway. (My divorce was my choice and I paid him as I earned 10x more and have always worked full time so not the same position as you).

Do do hat people say above and get all documents you can. I presume you have been on companieshouse.gov.uk and looked at how are directors of the company, shareholders, got copies of the accounts - all free. and land registry for every single property you both own.

Missb00 · 31/05/2017 15:31

How did you get on OP?

ErictheHalfaBee · 31/05/2017 16:26

Solicitors are ongoing. For various reasons nothing may happen quickly. I had the realisation that after all this is over I will have lost most of my family (I have only a couple of relatives of my own, most are his family), half of my friends, my future job and daily routine will be totally different. It's really hit me recently. Up until last weekend I was completely occupied with legal stuff, gathering financial info etc and now there is a lull I am thinking too much. Plus the fact that we met up yesterday and he was annoyed with me for no apparent reason. He's probably being encouraged by the other woman to think of me as some nasty old witch. I'm trying to keep busy but I'm finding life so hard at the moment. I just want to run away! If it wasn't for the children I probably would!

OP posts:

sadmommyhere · 31/05/2017 16:33

You will be okay!
If you can try and keep in a good place with his family. Once they know he has been living a double life some if not all could "side" with you, the mother of their grandkids/nieces nephews.
Perhaps invite them over for a BBQ, or birthday party?
Prepare yourself though for some of them knowing or siding with the ex.
Keep busy! Have a clear out, friends over, start a blog, prepare a cv, can you paint?
If you are struggling and need an anonymous and confidential friend contact Homestart, they have befriending volunteers and links to lots of services if you and the kids need them.

Creampastry · 31/05/2017 18:42

Go shopping ..... fill the freezer with M&S!

sadmommyhere · 31/05/2017 20:46

What she said ^ cappuccino milkshake is amazing

QuestionARhino · 31/05/2017 21:01

@sadmommyhere YES the one with chocolate chips in?! HELL. YES.

sadmommyhere · 31/05/2017 21:03

Yes that's the one!!!! (Drools)

rizlett · 01/06/2017 06:31

Have you noticed op that you like all of us have moments when you can see it's all going to be ok and then moments when you feel you can't do any of it?

And have you noticed that whenever you have any kind of contact with 'him' you have more moments of thinking you won't be able to manage?

He is toxic to you - but just like a drug you are addicted to. You have already said that you think no contact will be better - explore other things to put in the place of thinking of him when you are low - like coming on mn or doing something lovely for yourself. Buy yourself flowers maybe - do all the things you would love a man to do for you. You are allowed to enjoy yourself at times even though this is a difficult time for you.

You don't even need to tell him that you want less or no contact - just do it. Remember his impact is always negative. Stop keep tasting his poison.

LeninaCrowne · 01/06/2017 10:01

You need to plan some nice things for you, and who knows what new friends you will make in the future. Think of it as a new start where you get to do the things you want to do.

Scribbles1980 · 01/06/2017 17:16

I have a friend who is going through a divorce.
ChildHood sweetheart. He has been so low and couldn't imagine being with anyone else.
He is in his 50's. Bit the bullet & went online
He has met a wonderful lady, also in her 50"s. They are like a couple of loved up teenage.
Just wanted to to say there is hope. Even if you do not want to be with someone else. You will feel better.
I didn't think my friend would ever get over the hurt.
He is so happy now for you.

Scribbles1980 · 01/06/2017 17:31

teenagers

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