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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Legal matters

My husband's girlfriend's house

144 replies

ErictheHalfaBee · 14/05/2017 12:18

New to this, so please be kind!

I have recently discovered that my husband of 24 years has not only had a girlfriend for the last three years but has bought her a house and a car. I'm devastated as you can imagine. Of course I will be seeing a solicitor ASAP, but does anyone know if I am entitled to a share of the property? I'm not sure if it's in his name, her name or joint names yet.

He also owns a small business jointly with his business partner. Am I entitled to any of that? I know, I'm so naive. I should have seen it happening but I've always left all the finances to him. Stupidly trusting of me. She's half my age (and his).

OP posts:

Report

C0RAL · 15/05/2017 13:36

Great advice from needsahalo ( well named )

ErictheHalfaBee · 15/05/2017 13:47

It is great advice, but unfortunately he has another house in which to store paperwork. There really isn't much here.

OP posts:

ErictheHalfaBee · 15/05/2017 13:48

I'm stuffed aren't I

OP posts:

needsahalo · 15/05/2017 13:54

Not necessarily. Never say never! Yes, he has somewhere else to store it all but that doesn't mean to say he's been careful or systematic about it. Just go through the house slowly. You never know what you might find.

I'm so sorry - I know you just want to collapse in a heap and give in to it all but please don't, not just yet.

needsahalo · 15/05/2017 13:56

and try wikivorce.com for additional help and support. There are loads of people there going through this same stuff and it really does help to know you're not alone with it. If you are in the North West, I am meeting with some wikivorce people soon so if you want to come along, PM me and I'll give you some details.

paulapantsdown · 15/05/2017 15:48

What a rotten fucker. He has been lying to you for so long, this must be very painful.

As hard as this might be, you must, for the children's sake too, get your game head on now. There will be time to grieve later. Try to eat - anything at all, doesn't matter if it's junk right now. Keep hydrated.

Ow is getting the booby prize for sure.

tickingthebox · 15/05/2017 15:55

You can always use a tracing agent if you know her name....It cost us £195 track someone down....

GoatsFeet · 15/05/2017 16:28

Not much expertise to add, OP except strength to you in taking down your arse of a non-D H.

As you are married, you will have a claim on all the assets of the marriage, including his pension. And it might be worth a forensic accountant (that is apparently a job title!) to check re the house he's bought for his toygirl - even if it's in her name I'd have thought if he used his money to buy it - "family money" then you'd have a claim on that as well.

And if you left a career by mutual agreement in order to raise the children and enable him to get ahead in his business, then you may be entitled to more than 50% (a friend of mine got a bit over 60% because she gave up an excellent job with pension etc to follow her husband to the back of beyond, where she couldn't get a job and so she was a SAHM with their children.)

But I'm not an accountant or a family solicitor. Just fuelled by righteous rage at the way these sorts of awful men treat good women!

PoorYorick · 15/05/2017 16:55

You're not stuffed, you just need to get some expert advice as a matter of urgency.

GoatsFeet · 15/05/2017 18:27

Maybe also post in the Relationships forum, and ask for referrals or recommendations for forensic accountants and really really tough lawyers?

yoursforthetalking · 15/05/2017 20:52

Good luck OP. Forensic accountant. I love that. I might change my username. Ha ha.

ErictheHalfaBee · 15/05/2017 23:36

Thanks for all the advice. Starting to feel very emotional now. I feel like I've achieved a lot today. Like someone said, I just need to keep going for the kids. At some point I will have to tell them and it will be heart breaking. This is the sort of thing that will affect them all their lives. What an utter tosser to treat your own children with that level of contempt.

OP posts:

babybarrister · 16/05/2017 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoatsFeet · 16/05/2017 08:16

I always wonder why it's left to you as the wife/mother to tell the children, instead of leaving it to the person who's made the decision to abandon the marriage - and the children - by his actions.

KERALA1 · 16/05/2017 17:23

It's horrific. You have been totally betrayed by someone you could reasonably assume was on your side. You need to find the right lawyer (sympathetic, on your side and bloody good). If you in Bristol I can recommend some I work in a different but sort of related field and often have to cross refer to family specialists.

ErictheHalfaBee · 16/05/2017 21:52

Thanks Kerala, I am in the Bristol area coincidentally. Any advice would be appreciated.

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DoIDontIhavethetalk · 16/05/2017 21:54

Consult all the really decent solicitors - they can't represent him then once you start filing

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 17/05/2017 07:02

Eric Just checking in on you.

No advice, but hoping that you're still managing to hold it together.

ErictheHalfaBee · 17/05/2017 07:45

I'm just writing up some notes about our life together for the solicitor. I had a really good career in a cutting edge industry and gave it all up to be a SAHM. His career really took off due to me doing everything at home. I supported him in all his work and hobbies. His life got easier after having children due to me doing all his washing, cooking, cleaning etc. Mine got harder! I couldn't return to the same industry when the kids went to school because technology had moved on. My youngest has mental health issues which would have made me an unreliable employee anyway. We had to eventually take her out of school and home educate her.

He is such an entitled selfish prick. Thanks for thinking of me.

OP posts:

ErictheHalfaBee · 17/05/2017 09:45

And I'm 55. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I can't imagine being without him.

OP posts:

GoatsFeet · 17/05/2017 09:55

Life can be a whole lot better after 55 and on your own. You'll soon see that you don't need to give a flying fuck what other people think. It's amazingly liberating. And as soon as it's known what he's done - squandered family money which you have enabled him to earn and abandoned his children all for an ego boost of the OW (I'm trying to avoid condemning her in misogynist ways) - he won't be garnering much respect.

Stay calm & dignified. You'll win through

C0RAL · 17/05/2017 12:30

I know it's not much consolation, but please know that every adult woman you know and half the men will also be thinking what an entitled selfish prick he is.

They probably won't say anything but they will be thinking it.

Including his colleagues.

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ErictheHalfaBee · 17/05/2017 22:55

Yes, but he has a lovely young woman on his arm, lots of sex and lots of money. I might come out of this with lots of money and the respect of people that know us, but I have no life companion, no one to go on holiday with or sit and watch telly with. She will be having the life that I worked for.

OP posts:

ConfusedNoMore · 17/05/2017 23:02

I know that feeling that someone else has walked into your life and taken your place. But it is early days Erica.

Firstly, she is far from lovely. Sounds like a gold digger and not at all nice if she's colluded in this.

Secondly, it's too soon to think about someone else bit you've got lots of life to live yet. You don't know what or who it might bring.

Try to take things day by day just now. Have you got friends supporting you?

Runningissimple · 17/05/2017 23:05

You're in shock and you're grieving.

You're better off without him. He's a selfish fuck. In two years you won't know yourself. I was you twenty months ago. Now, the only thing that scares me is the thought that I could still be tied to that dead weight. It doesn't feel like it now but this is just the beginning.

Breathe.

Get a good lawyer. Fight for a decent deal for your kids and fight for yourself.

Flip

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