My husband's girlfriend's house

[ErictheHalfaBee]

New to this, so please be kind!

I have recently discovered that my husband of 24 years has not only had a girlfriend for the last three years but has bought her a house and a car. I'm devastated as you can imagine. Of course I will be seeing a solicitor ASAP, but does anyone know if I am entitled to a share of the property? I'm not sure if it's in his name, her name or joint names yet.

He also owns a small business jointly with his business partner. Am I entitled to any of that? I know, I'm so naive. I should have seen it happening but I've always left all the finances to him. Stupidly trusting of me. She's half my age (and his).

[FP239]

I am always stunned when men have the gall to act in such shitty , self serving ways. I really feel for you OP but you will be fine in time. Unlike your shitbag husband who will very likely be dumped by his mistress when it comes out in the wash.

[RebelAllianceUK]

Well, after lots of investigation I have discovered the address of the house and found that they are joint owners.

OP You need to tell your lawyer about this urgently, I think. Can you print out the Land registry record for this address (costs 4 quid or something like that) and see if there is any mortgage charge on it (look under charges for a bank name). If there isn't then I'm fairly sure he can transfer his share to her very, very quickly (it's just a form that needs to be sent off, no requirement to involve the mortgage company which in contrast would take weeks) and if no proceedings have been filed yet then I'm also worried that he's legally entitled to do this and you can't claw it back to be included as part of matrimonial assets. You probably can't file matrimonial rights on it as it's not the family home either...

I'm not a lawyer. But this feels like it could be really important. Because if I were in your DH's position and I had even an inking that you knew what was going on and was planning to set up home permanently with OW...well I'd file a transfer of my share in the house to her same day if I possibly could

Really sorry to hear what you're going through.

[aginghippy]

Glad you are feeling more optimistic Eric.

I'm another one who is betting his OW will dump him when the divorce is underway. A similar thing happened to my BIL.

[MrsChopper]

OP, at this rate the only person ending up lonely is the spineless fuckmuppet you currently call your husband.

You're doing a great job. Everything will be ok

[Fantasticmissfoxy]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this and can't imagine what you're feeling. You've been so strong and focused and I promise you in 5 years time you'll look back at this and thank god you got out from under him. As for your 'D' H I hope his cock shrivels up and drops off, the inadequate, ungrateful, immature twat that he is.

[ErictheHalfaBee]

If his cock shrivelled any more it'd be non-existent. Not exactly well endowed. Apologies for being non PC.

[Snowkitty]

he said that something had happened a couple of years ago that he really regrets

Sounds like it's a possibility things aren't going well with OW (especially in light of the comment about it being harder to get money out of him now). He might well really be living in your holiday home - is there any way for you to check?

Have to say I'm probably more forgiving than most and generally inclined to suggest couples give it a bit of time for the dust to settle try and work things out first before throwing the baby out with the bathwater, because in the early days after an affair has been uncovered you're in shock and very emotional, not in the best place to make a life changing decision (which it is, whichever way you go). However in your case I really feel for you OP, hats off to him, this really trumps your average lying cheating bastard and takes it to a new level. I'm giving my LCB a second chance just now and it's not easy, I would always have said I'd throw him out if he cheated on me, but when I was faced with that situation I haven't. I wonder why most days, but things are gradually getting better now, and I'm hopeful that I've made the right decision. But hell I don't think even on my most soft-in-the-head hopelessly romantic days I could contemplate coming back from what your LCB has done.

I'd gather as much information as possible if I were you (sounds like you are making good progress with that), and disclose as little as possible to him. The further down the line you can get without him finding out you know about the house the better.

Stay strong, you'll get through this, I hope you have someone in RL who you can confide in and will support you through this, but you will get lots of support & practical advice on here too.

[ErictheHalfaBee]

Huge error, I've been reading through old emails and messages we sent each other and got really emotional. I just sent him a stupid text telling him how much I miss him. He replied with a comment about the weather. I am so pathetic. I pledge to only use my phone for mumsnet for the next 24 hours. I'm really struggling, I can't see a good outcome for me. Instead of the lovely life I was going to lead I will be alone, old and lonely.

[Coneheadmum]

Ericthehalfabee: so sorry about the old messages but his response about the weather really should help you move along? You need to get to a place where you can see things for what they are now, not what they were, and then think about your future in a clear-eyed way. It will be what you make it - you will have half of all his money - you can do anything you want, and go anywhere and be anything. Don't let him/this define you.

[GoatsFeet]

You know, a lot of women are in your situation. Single in their fifties - I am. But I'm not old and lonely.

You won't be old and lonely unless you want to be. Become the heroine of your own life, instead of living through someone else. Be enough for yourself, not anyone else.

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

Please don't ever think she is living the life the 2 if you should have. .
She is shacked up with a cheat. .
And now she is his gf remember a vacancy for ow is now available. .
Your dc will never respect him again.
Your relationship with dc will be stronger than ever and you will have their love and support in abundance. .
And once his money has dwindled so will their relationship I would expect.
And you will have moved on and your standards will be far too high to give him anything more than a pitying thought.

[KERALA1]

I work with the terminally ill - remarkable how many times when a man is dying the person there for him is...his first wife.

[MachineBee]

I gave my ex many, many chances. He kept cheating. I have faced some tough times since I finally left him, but never have I regretted it. I'm now with a kind gentle man and though being a step mum to his DCs brings another set of challenges, I am happy and certainly not lonely.

My ex died suddenly in his 50s and that brought mixed emotions especially for how it affected my DCs. Ironically, his final act showed what he was like to a wider audience - he left everything he was legally allowed to, to his new DW and didn't even mention his DDs by name in his will. That is a hurt that will take a long time for them forget, if ever.

Stay strong OP. You WILL be fine.

[TreeTop7]

The text you sent three days ago could work in your favour. He won't suspect that you're gearing up for a divorce/investigating him if you're sending loving texts.

Hope things are going as well as possible.

I agree that his gf will probably vanish if half his wealth disappears via divorce. He senses this, which is why he says he doesn't want to split from you.

[Zazu44]

Hi OP how are you doing? Sending a hug x

[ErictheHalfaBee]

Earlier today I felt very resolved to get things sorted, get the money divided up and get rid of him forever. I actually felt quite optimistic. Then he came round to see the kids, stayed for tea and we had a nice time. Now I'm miserable again.

I think it would be best if we just went no contact for a while. There's no hope of a reconciliation, so no point in seeing each other. The kids are old enough to make their own arrangements if they want to meet him. This is all very hard.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Then go no contact. Do it. You'll feel so much better. I promise.

Just text him and tell him all communication will be about the kids only on this email address (set a new one up) and there will. E no visits to your home. Then ignore everything else.

[LeninaCrowne]

Just get an image in your mind of him and her in their shag pad, or an image of her out shopping with him carrying the bags whilst she waves a gold charge card, every time you're feeling sentimental about "the good old days".

[Katmeifyoucan]

I wouldn't have him in your house either. Absolutely not. He cannot drop in for dinner and act like a family when he chooses. Stay strong and plough on with getting your affairs in order.

[Astro55]

You day they'd be devastated but if he lives away it won't change anything will it?

You'll have the to to yourself have friends round - join friendship groups - I think you'll life will change for the better

[Tequilamockingbirdturd]

Hi I agree you need to no longer allow him to pop round for tea when he feels like it, he needs a taste of reality cos at the moment he's having the best of both worlds. You will move on better without seeing him too. You will never be lonely, a lot of people I know that have met a second partner after divorce are a lot happier and I'm more fulfilling relationships the second time round. For now just look after yourself and surround yourself with loving family and friends. It's very understandable to get upset and it's going to be rocky for a while longer but dong give up hope that you will be happy again one day. Are you making progress with the solicitors and investigations ? X

[Tequilamockingbirdturd]

Keralia, it's interesting what you say about the first wife being there when the ex is terminally I'll, I can imagine that to be honest, I think this shows how strong women are and how at the end of the day they can become the bigger person

[FlipflopsOrWellieboots]

How are you doing, Eric? Have you managed no contact....

[ErictheHalfaBee]

No, he came round yesterday and was very affectionate. Unusually so. He even told me he loved me, he hasn't done that for weeks. I'm now wondering if he has got wind of me taking legal advice and is getting a bit scared. I've also been reviewing our bank statements and there seems to be quite a lot of money moving from one account to another and then vanishing. I hate that I have to be so paranoid now and I have no one in real life that I can discuss this with in case he finds out. I've done nothing to deserve being treated like this, it's so unfair. Sorry, I'm self pitying again.

[ErictheHalfaBee]

I'm worried that if I go no contact he will know something is wrong and start hiding money.