Chances of changing a child arrangement order?

[Littlemissindependent]

Exh dragged me through court as he wanted a CAO. Order states eow and half of his annual leave. However he is repeatedly failing to stick to this, expects me to drop everything whenever he clicks his fingers and told me last week that I "should never make plans for the weekends dd should be with him as he can't always commit to them". Dd is 3 and in my opinion, needs consistency. Am considering taking this back to court and asking for contact to be changed to something he can stick to. Does anyone know if this is possible? He claims that as he was the petitioner last time, he doesn't have to adhere to the CAO, only I do!

If there is a consistent pattern of the arrangements set out in a CAO not being followed then you can apply for a variation. I would say you would need several months worth. It is usual for the order to oblige the parent that the child lives with to make the child available but not oblige the parent that the child is spending time with to stick to the arrangements.

IMO, it would perhaps be better to agree with him that he will give you a certain amount of notice. If you return the matter to court, you may not get what you want and could end up with an even worse order than the one you currently have.

Keep a diary. If you do need to go back to court it will be useful to have a record showing how often he has missed contact and/or changed plans at the last minute.

The court order should be about what's best for your dd not what's convenient for him. . Speak to a solicitor. Your life isn't expected to be on hold to allow him to dictate to you what will be happening as it suits him.

We have so for been to court 3 times to sort out the contact order it's still not right but they will alter it with good reasons. They however are not good with giving exact dates so 4th time again soon

He has form for ringing me 2-3 days before he's due to have dd and cancelling. He then expects me to drop any plans I've made with dd on what should be 'my' weekend with her so he can have her and if I try and refuse he becomes aggressive.

He then expects me to drop any plans I've made with dd on what should be 'my' weekend with her so he can have her and if I try and refuse he becomes aggressive

Just say 'no' and hang up the phone. Keep records of everything. If he can't be arsed to turn up in 'his' weekends, that's one thing.....to demand access on 'your' weekend is another. If you can keep correspondence to text messsge or email so you have proof of him being a twat.

But this is it, if I say no, he goes off on one. Accusing me of 'obstructing him seeing his daughter' and not adhering to the court order. Quite frankly, I'm terrified of him and because he intimidates me I give into him. But I don't want to live like that anymore.

Having experienced similar with my Ex I would suggest shifting all correspondence to email rather than phone. You can choose to look at it when you feel able.
I would consider setting out an email stating that DD will be available as per the court order and then list the weekends for the next eight weeks.
Emphasise that you are setting this out to provide stability and certainty for DD.

I agree. Stick to emails. If he's abusive on email then you've got that as evidence if the matter does need to return to court.

Does he say why he has to cancel? Does he work shifts or something?

From what you've written here, you don't need to return the matter to court, you just need to firm up your boundaries. If he is dissatisfied, he should bear the burden of returning the matter to court. He will be on the back foot arguing why he hasn't shown up for contact set out in the order.