I’m a mother to a five year old gorgeous little boy who is the love of my life. I’m in a horrific situation and I was hoping to get some advice. To make a long story short I have been a stay at home mother for the duration of four years. I didn’t know my now ex very well but fell instantly in love with this charming man and four months into our relationship I was engaged and pregnant. It all seemed perfect. Over the course of the years the relationship turned abusive as, when the baby was born I decided to put my career on hold to stay at home with my son. Before that I used all my savings in order to secure the whole deposit for a flat which we bought in joint names. During the course of the years the relationship escalated to physical abuse. I felt extremely embarrassed by the whole thing as outwardly we were a ‘normal couple’. It got so bad I decided to take my son to my family in Scotland after a tirade of abuse. To my chock I got to know that my partner was seeing other women (from Tinder) through receiving his messages up on my ipad whilst being away in Scotland. I was absolutely devastated as I realized that our already broken relationship was beyond repair at this point. I decided to stay in Scotland and enrol my son in school there as I realized our relationship was over. I felt I had done my best to keep my family together but failed through years of abuse. I felt it was the best way to separate as my child would at least have our family and friends around, which I figured would be the best and least disruptive way for my son to go through a family breakup.
I decided on returning to London during my sons half term for my son to see his dad. During this stay I got assaulted again. I said I would call the police, but changed my mind and made a stress call to the domestic violence help line instead. My ex heard me on the phone and assumed I was speaking to the police so he quickly rushed to call the police and lied to them and told them that I had assaulted him! When they arrived, to my chock, I got arrested instead of him! After this I got charged and convicted for a bite mark made in self-defence, in order to get him off me. I then got barred from going back to my flat where my son was and since then I have been struggling to get him back. My ex seized our mutual funds and quickly hired expensive solicitors including QC’s in court and applied for full child custody and got through a prohibited steps order preventing me from getting my son back, whilst I have had no other choice than to be a litigant in person. It’s been an extremely painful and humiliating experience. I am so worried for my son and I am way beyond grief.
Even though I have been assessed as a high risk victim of abuse and had to live in a women’s refuge the court has not recognized this as I have been a litigant in person. The courts have so far favoured the ex even though I have been a stay at home mother for over 4 years! My child has now also been subject to violence now when I am no longer in the home and the courts are not doing anything about this. It feels as if I’m living in a nightmare. The courts have been divided but persuaded by the fact that that the father has had the money to pay for solicitor and barristers whilst I have been in person, which I propelled him in gaining in the first place, as I took a back seat in my career during 4 years. My ex has done all of this in order to gain full proceeds to our jointly owned property whilst his idea of parenting is to stick my son in front of the TV or computer. This has been extremely traumatic and has emotionally harmed my son who has cried his eyes out wanting his mummy back. I feel absolutely drained and distraught by this horrific experience.
I have not qualified for legal aid as I own shares to our property and have already used up all pro bono advice offered in court.