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Original poster

Going to court, CAFCASS involved, please help I'm petrified.

40 replies

Pleasehelp11 · 14/02/2017 16:13

I don't want to put too much info on here as I'm scared. I hve 2 DC in ks2. Divorced from their father about 6/7 years ago. He had them EOW at his parents. For a about 2 years and then moved into his own place. Eldest used to hate going, would scream and beg me no. He was obviously very young at that point and everyone kept telling me he had to have a relationship with his father.

However. Their father was abusive to me through out the marriage. I found out 2 years ago he had been abusive toward DC but mainly eldest. He stopped contact just over 3 years (gave a v silly reason) I tried to make him sort himself out. After about a year he decided he wanted to see them and I said had to be gradual (I didn't know of the abuse at that point) he saw them for couple of times near to home. They both stayed at his one night and was ok but then the last night he had them was bad.

hevkept threatening Court and threatening to stop maintenance etc but never did. I said they didn't want to see him and I'd support that. THEN I found out how he had treated them and refused point blank. He's send the odd message (like he's put a reminder to his phone) and I would repeat they didn't want to see him.

Fast forward to now, we're going abroad and Iv had to ask his permission as I don't have a residency order, he's refusing to give permission unless he gets to see them which Iv said no. So he's got arsey and I said I would have to go to court about specific issue order. He's saying how the judge would hear all about my 'slandering'. Saw a solicitor and Iv applied for specific consent order for the holiday and a residency order but Iv had to fill out a c1a I think it's called about the DA. Had the date for court today and it says cafcass will be notified. Iv heard only bad things about cafcass on here.... I have a family member witness to one particular violent hing he did to me. Another family member and recording of fee years back petrified eldest screaming and begging not to go. A sort of family member witness to couple things he did to them. What will happen? I'm petrified. He will get the papers today aswell.... I'm so scared of his response. I won't reply but I'm sitting waiting...kids don't know yet but they will have to.... how quick will it take for cafcass to get involved? Will the judge say they have to go to contact centre to start with? I know they won't go. I don't want them to go. He a manipulative narcissist. Vile vile person.

Please share any experiences?Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleasehelp11 · 16/02/2017 19:58

Thanks beached apparently I should get legal aid but they can't tell me 100 % yes until they've done x,y, z. So my case has been passed on. Have been speaking to a para legal whatever thAt is.

Does anyone know where cafcass will speak to the DC? I don't want it done at school. I don't think my eldest will speak. I have another reason why I don't want it done at school. Are they likely to listen to me or just do what they think?

OP posts:
dunfightin · 17/02/2017 13:06

My experience of similar situation was both sides were asked re holiday and why or why not. Judge tried to persuade ex to provide written consent, he didn't so judge did court order.
Cafcass didn't speak to DCs till quite a way down the road in process and then it was at their offices and after school.
The idea is for it to be as natural as possible so they don't want the DCs to get anxious and give the answers they think they ought to give but rather to tell the truth.
They ask about family members, get them to draw pictures. Yes questions are slightly loaded but not manipulative but I guessed they had to establish certain things i.e. who was involved in child's life.
I know it's hard but try not to get too anxious about this and if you are try to get a counsellor, speak to WA or if necessary just offload to Samaritans.

Original poster
Pleasehelp11 · 17/02/2017 13:59

THabks for sharing. Had a letter today an they've put court back 2 days which I'm gutted about gutted About as I want to get it over. It's over shadowing what should be a lovely build up to the holiday.

They will ask why I want to take DC on a holiday?! Unless he lies, his reason for not giving it is because I'm preventing him seeing the DC.

What correct use of words should I use when I'm asked why I won't let him?! It's in the forms about the abuse but that's it. Doesn't say when he last had contact or anything or how he's treated me. I know I should say it's not in the DC best interest to see their father, but should I say anything else? I don't want to come across badly

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleasehelp11 · 20/02/2017 16:22

Iv only just had contact from cafcass. Just a generic email saying that someone will attend the first hearing and that they like to speak to parents before the hearing but may not be possible. I'd say that's unlikely now as it's so close.....

I haven't heard a thing from him which is scaring me. I was expecting a barrage of abuse. But I guess he's spending his time down his solicitors to see how he can be seen as the victim Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleasehelp11 · 20/02/2017 19:05

Bump

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 20/02/2017 19:10

I'm 12 months down the line and living in hell.

Original poster
Pleasehelp11 · 20/02/2017 19:13

atsea is your situation similar to mine?

OP posts:
dunfightin · 20/02/2017 19:13

Depends on whether Cafcass are dealing with other cases and also how seriously they view yours in the light of other cases being heard that day.
They will talk to you both separately and try to find a solution that is safe and ensures a resolution to the current issue i.e. holiday and then whether they need to be involved with sorting out the other issues.
If you applied for a single issue order then that is what you are asking the court to decide on, whether the contact issue gets sorted will depend. In effect he needs to apply separately for contact if there was previously no contact order in place. However, the judge or cafcass may think it makes sense to sort out all the issues. However, if holiday is imminent then they will have to either get him to give you permission or give you permission order then and there.
Just do an accurate timeline, produce details of the holiday and come up with ideas of how you would like ex's relationship with the DC to progress - if he pursues it and they deem him ok then they will promote a relationship with whatever safeguards they think necessary.
Very useful to ask their opinion i.e. how serious is what happened in their view, how to ensure future contact is safe, how to reintroduce DCs to him and what kind of contact you had before and what you think would work as final arrangement.
Be positive and forward thinking, bring up what happened and what made you stop contact but don't dwell on it.
For this hearing your issue is getting permission to take the DCs on holiday so focus on that.

Original poster
Pleasehelp11 · 20/02/2017 19:15

I don't ever want him anywhere near them and neither do they ever want to see him again. I'm not going to sit there telling the judge what contact he should have as I don't want any.

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 20/02/2017 19:16

DC doesn't wasn't to see father, says he's abusive. No one believes DC as XH is blaming me for everything. CAFCASS haven't been helpful at all.

Original poster
Pleasehelp11 · 20/02/2017 19:18

atsea that's my biggest fear although I have someone to back me up with how he treated them plus witness to him having me by the neck against a wall etc. How old is your DC?

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 20/02/2017 23:38

Him having you by the neck might not help. They may say you failed to safeguard the DC when you knew he had form. You need to spotlight to be just on DC not you

Original poster
Pleasehelp11 · 21/02/2017 06:41

No that was Pre DC.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleasehelp11 · 21/02/2017 07:06

Oh I see what you're saying..... I didn't know what he had been like to the DC though until 18 months ago and he's not had any contact at all since, hasn't seen them for 2 years

OP posts:
Goldie1717 · 02/02/2018 23:36

Sorry for the long post...Can anybody help me please. I am at the end of my tether and literally about to give up hope. I have an ongoing case where my ex husband, who is a high functioning cocaine addict with a very respectful job, has a child arrangements order which allows him to see our 2 children (aged 13 And 10) for 6 hours supervised contact each week. He is pushing for unsupervised contact with overnight stays etc but I have refused on the grounds of the hair strand drugs test results coming out at medium use (twice now over the past year)

The court ordered that if the result was low to recreational use it could be unsupervised but medium-high would be supervised. However Cafcass are not concerned about the results at all and every time I alert them to a safe guarding issue in relation to this they brush it off! On numerous occasions the Cafcass case worker has said “well how come he holds down a good job” etc. He comes across as a respectable, doting father but he is not and is only fighting this battle to hurt me (I left him because of his addiction) and because he can (he earns a hell of a lot of money) They just can’t see it!! His partner who he now lives with is also a user (I can’t prove this though) and Cafcass are now suggesting that she supervisors contact (so in other words it’s just unsupervised in my eyes!)

I have complained formally to the director of Cafcass as the case worker is incompetent and can’t see the dangers of a class A drug, she has mis quoted my self and my children and missed out vital things that we have said over and over again but it is her word against mine. Why on Earth they don’t record these conversations to protect both sides is beyond me! Despite my efforts to remove and replace this Cafcass worker, vIa a formal complaint, she has been made guardian.

Does any body have any experience or advice of what I can do ? It just seems that they are only bothered about pushing contact along regardless of the dangers to my children. Both myself and my children have lost all faith in this cafcass worker and the complaint has been dealt with by Cafcass saying that she is just doing her job and that she will continue as guardian 😞

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